Deep in the Meadow
by E.W.S. Miami
Summary: Book Five - This storyline occurs fourteen years after My POV Rising Fire. Its written because in the Epilogue of Mockingjay there is much that wasn't answered, gaps in the years. Rising Fire addresses how they fell back in love & got married. Deep in the Meadow addresses other things mentioned in the Epilogue. Reviews are always welcomed and thank you for reading
1. Chapter 1

Part I

"The Memorials"

Chapter One

It has been years since I thought of that day. It happened without warning, like someone sneaking up on you and scaring you. It just takes a single drop of water that falls on the top of your head through the branches of the forest to immediately take me back to that moment.

I see her there lying completely exhausted. My hand slowly touches the smooth rocky surface, trying to make sense of it all. Is this real? The rain has begun to fall, and all I see is the gash on her forehead. The gravity of the situation hits me and I quickly hide from the entry point of the cave, knowing full well that they are still out there looking for us. I can feel my heart beat begin to rise and my breathing shallows.

"This isn't real," I say out loud. "It already happened, we survived this."

The device begins to beep. It brings me back to letting me know that I am reaching the tipping point. The sound begins to quiet and my eye sight begins to blur. I know that my time is running out before I either lose it or black out. My hands reach the chain around my neck and then the whistle. Putting it to my mouth I blow through it and hear the four note whistle of Rue's song before I almost collapse. The beeping is faint but I can feel the rough bark on my hands.

My fingers want to dig into the bark and if I could I probably would. Think of the song, think of her, I say over and over. Think Peeta, think, how does it go. The breathing is all I can hear, all I can focus on. My mind is having a hard time concentrating on anything.

The thumping sound of foot steps is something that breaks the rhythm of the heart beat. I feel the presence of someone behind me. My instinct is to tighten the grip that I have on knife that is in my other hand and turn quickly around. The Games it seems never leave your mind, it is like it is hard wire into your body, into your mind. Closing my eyes tightly, I can feel my body growing tense, the muscles contracting in preparation of the upcoming fight. The muffled of a voice is something that I hear through it all. My body is about to react when I finally feel her hand covering mines. I open my eyes and look at the hand with the burn scars like mines. The silver ring around one of her finger catches my attention. It is her.

The grip on the knife lessens until it finally falls to the ground making a thumping sound. I can feel her other hand work around my waist and up my chest to my heart. The familiarity of this relaxes my muscles and finally the sound is coming back.

"Peeta," she says. "If you can hear me, nod your head."

I nod my head yes, which causes her to place her head on the back of my shoulder in relief.

"Are you okay?" she says.

The breathing through my mouth lessens enough to allow me to speak. It is raggedly and long between words.

"I...am...okay," I say. "But...no...tickling...please."

I can hear her hold her laughter back. It causes her to drop her hand around mine and place it over her other hand that is still on my heart.

I lower my hands to meet hers. Her hands feel so warm, but I can feel the shaking in them. Bringing my lips to her hands, I kiss them gently which causes the trembling to slowly steady.

Turning around the first thing I see is her grey eyes. She maybe older but her eyes never change; they are the same when I first lay my eyes on them. The passion never really leaves them that inner fire still burns as bright and as hot as when we were in the rebellion. Now they mostly burn with worry for me, or when she is the thrill of a hunt.

"I almost...made it," I say. "Just a couple more ...meters and I would have...beaten you."

She smiles knowing that although it maybe true, she would never admit it. It has taken almost fourteen years to beat her but I still remember when I caught up to her.

It was probably ten years ago when we were in the forest trekking. I could tell she was really pushing herself from the way she was breathing. When we finally made it to the lake she looked at me.

'That is what I get for going to sleep late,' she says. 'You almost caught me.'

Both of us have our hands on our knees there gasping for air.

'So because you went to sleep five minutes after me that is the reason you were slower today,' I say smiling. 'Well just know that you have two good legs and I am missing one, so just saying.'

This time around I was actually ahead by two to three minutes before it started to rain.

"I think you might have hit your head, because I was ahead of you," she says. "Not behind you."

I place my hand on my head and look for where I might have hit my head.

"Nope," I say smiling. "Can't find it, means that I might be saying the truth."

She nods her head no and with a pout on her face crosses her arms. The amount of energy that the episode took out of me is self evident when I crouch to my knees and place my head beside it. She realizes that I am still too weak and the fun and games are over. Crouching next to me she grabs my chin and lifts it up.

"Sorry, seems that last one knock out the wind out of me," I say lifting my hand to her forehead looking for the scar of the gash. There is nothing, not one evidence of a scar. "You had a gash on your forehead, real or not."

"A gash on my forehead?" she says. "Was that the memory that you experienced?"

I nod my head yes.

"We were in some cave, and I woke up finding you in a pool of blood and a gash on your forehead. It was so real, and I felt so helpless. I thought I had lost you."

Closing my eyes fighting back that image, wishing to forget it permanently. I can feel he hand on mines, and then in my cheek.

"That was real," she starts to say. "It was back in our Hunger Games; I had gone to get your medicine and had a little run in with Clove."

The story triggers the video that I watched back on the train heading for the Capitol. It did happen and worst I was the reason why it happened. The guilt is something that I have to deal with; the fact that I had placed her in danger is something that I try to come to terms with.

"You almost died," I say. "You almost died because of me."

She places her finger on the gun shot scar on my chest. It is her only way to remind me of what I have done.

"You," she says with emphasis. "You almost died because of me."

She moves her hand to my thigh where the scar uses to be. It was the fight with Cato, to save her. She later saw the games on her own, and didn't talk to me for a month. Even though the games ended years ago and the people who were responsible for it are long gone, she was mad because I didn't tell her about my plan, of what I was doing. I had never seen her that mad, but she got over the feeling and we made up.

"You almost died there too," she says upset.

She stands and crosses her arms clearly still upset about that moment, just like I was when she almost died. Lifting myself, placing my hand on the tree for support I stand on my two feet. Trying to walk, I see that I can't yet, without help. The worst episodes tire me out to where all I want to do is sleep.

"Katniss," I say.

She turns around and walks over to me.

"There is something that I want you to know," I say.

She places her full body under mines and props me up to help me walk. We have come to each others weaknesses and mines is still the same. My weakness will always be her and she knows that.

"You will always be the reason why," I say. "I do it because I love you, and I think you do it because you love me."

There is only silence, and as we walk towards the fence I get a little bit more of my energy to get my hands up stopping her. I need to see her face; I need to know what she is thinking. We stop and look at each other there in the rain. Both of us drench from the rain, both of us muscle aching from the years of abuse of the Capitol and of the war.

"I don't regret anything," I say. "At the end of the day, I got to share my life with the woman of my dreams."

"I don't either," she says. "Fourteen years ago, you asked me if I still wanted to have breakfast with you, my answer till this day hasn't changed."

She grunts as she lifts me up again.

"Now come on, let's get you inside and out of those wet clothes," she says.

We get to the fence and she places her hand on the door lock. There is a light that comes alive and reads her hand print and the door unlocks. Pushing the door, I see the familiar sight, the lake is still untouched and the trees still touch the water.

The door sounds as it closes and I can hear the lock latches. We walk around the lake and finally the house that we both started fourteen years ago to build comes into view.

Little by little, we have made our home into something that we have both dreamt about. The little concrete house that we knew as children is still in original design and if you are looking for it, you can clearly see it.

The additions came as we had time and as we had vacation. Their were only a few things that we had to ask then President Paylor for, a power source that is renewable by the sun and wind, a biometric lock on the fence, and finally a refrigerator. Everything else we made from the woods around us. It took us trial and error, especially the new roof. Those nights that it rained we had tons of pots and pans getting the drops of rain.

I can still here the drops, and how we made a song out of the beats of the rain drops. Walking to the porch I see the bench, the wood and vine still holding it together from the first day that it was made.

"Going to put you on the bench okay," she says as she eases me onto the bench. "Be right back going to get you a tea, it will help you."

Sitting there I look out at the wood chimes that we hung up that day we came back here. It must have a couple of months after the Harvest Festival when we got married.

It was the morning of the first day of spring. The winter we spent in our house in the Victors Village. That was a hard winter; we only had enough because the whole district shared everything they had. It was the first time we all met in the institute to stock the storehouse for the winter.

Each resident has an option to store a portion of their food there for the entire District. It isn't a law, but people here in District Twelve look out for each other so many of us participate willingly. There are some that do not have enough to set aside and therefore this is what this was made for. There are some though that does not participate because they do not want to and still request a portion in the winter. The director of the institute still offers the portion.

"Have to believe that one day they will help out someone here," she would say.

"Delly, you were always the one to believe the good in everyone," I say. "I am glad they made you the director."

"Well you have to look for that light in the darkness," she says smiling. "Some snob from the Merchant families taught me that."

"Oh so now I am a snob again," I say laughing. "What was it you said that day in my wedding?"

"Well I was only sparing your feelings, it was after all your wedding day," she says as a matter of fact. "Couldn't well tell you the truth now, could I?"

Delly always knew what to say to get me to smile. I hand her the breads the bakery made, and of course she asks me if I needed any portion for the winter.

"Give it to a family who needs it," I say. "Katniss and me we are fine with what we have."

I turn and walk through the halls of the institute. The bright different colors on the walls are meant to inspire you to think outside the box. The courtyard littered with snow is where you could go to think of those thoughts that are outside the box. I see the painting that I had donated to the art wing. It is of Katniss holding a young Primrose by the hand from the back, looking through the display case window of the old bakery. The only way you could know that it is Katniss and Primrose are the one braid for Katniss and the blonde two braids for Primrose.

It is being hung at the entry place of the art wing. Walking to the doors, I hear Delly calling me from the hallway.

"Peeta," she says. "Wait."

Turning around I see she has a box in her hands. She is quickly walking down the hallway, but still saying hello to everyone that is there. Once she is at the front door with me, she hands me the box.

"The children from the art class wanted you to have this," she says. "From what I can understand, it is a thank you present for teaching them this semester."

Opening the box, I see the four sets of wind chimes made out of wood. They are not your typical wine chime designs, these have holes drilled though the pipes at angles for different notes as the wind breathed through them.

They still make noise even with little wind. The rain drops make a specific noise on the wind chimes. Always thought it was a very special thing to feel the rain in the middle of the day when their are no rain clouds in sight. How does that happen, I wonder.

After a couple minutes she comes back with a tea that she knows help me feel better after an episode. She is wearing a green sweater that is a little bit larger.

"It always did look better on you than me," I say smiling. "Well to be honest, everything looks better on you than me."

She helps me take off the wet clothes and while I remove my under shorts she still covers her eyes while peeking through. I grab her hand and pull it down, laughing.

I think that is what makes our marriage work so well, we know how to make each other laugh.

"I think you and I have seen each other from head to toe," I say.

Finally she comes and helps me put on my shirt. We sit down on the bench and finally take a sip of the hot tea. She told me once that it comes from the jasmine plant, so a couple of years ago we planted some jasmines around the house. That and some lilies and primroses, the combination of colors are both beautiful and the smells are intoxicating.

She grabs the book from inside the living room. The book has been both a therapeutic as well as a record of people we have known and places we had been.

She opens it and turns to the place where we placed all of our memories of the Hunger Games. I look at all the entries, where I had placed everything that I had remembered. Turning the pages I see the place where we put injuries that we suffered and location where it had occurred.

She points to her column and there I see the entry of the fore head, and who caused it and whether it was naturally healed or by medicine by the Capitol.

"See," she says.

I nod and grab her hand. The rain still hasn't stopped but it has lessened a little bit.

"Feeling better?" she asks with a small hint of concern.

"Yes much," I say standing up and showing her that some of my energy had come back.

She pats the spot next to her on the bench, and it reminds me of those dreams I had with her and this place. Although the bench looks a little different from what I had dreamt, it still has the same beautiful woman next to me.

I take off my transmitter from my neck and hand it to her.

"Good thing I had this," I say.

"Remind me to thank Beetee, next time I see him," she says.

It was a peace offering I think. That day when we saw Beetee back in the Capitol she was still very much upset about the war. Well I could tell from the way she push him into a wall, using her fore arm to cut off his air way.

"Tell me," she says. "Tell me that it wasn't your bombs; tell me it wasn't Gale's plan. Come on lie to me Beetee, just like you did back in the Quarter Quell."

Trying to get her off him was like trying to remove paint from a building. The attendants just stood there shocked not sure what to do.

"Lying is not going to get me out of this predicament," says Beetee.

I can see her fore arm dig in a little bit more causing him to gasp a little bit.

"Katniss," I try to reason with her. "He can't speak if you choke him."

She turns and looks at me.

"She can't ever talk, not to me, not to you, not to no one," she says.

"Killing him won't bring her back," I say.

She lessens her grip from his neck. The color slowly returns to his face. The things we do for the ones we love, surpasses what we think we are capable of. The line sort of blurs and if you are not careful then you can pass it completely.

"There is no point to lie to you," says Beetee. "It was my design but it was not supposed to be used on the children, and neither on our own people."

"She was killed helping people, the very people that your bombs hurt," says Katniss. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't end your life right here."

"There is none. There are many things, many regrets that I have to keep with me until I die. One is the death of your sister," says Beetee.

She lets go of him and walks away, but not before she smash her hand into a wall. Good thing that the wall was drywall, and not a concrete wall. She stops frustrated, and finally allows me to comfort her. She cries in my arms, and finally Beetee walks next to me.

"There could be nothing that I could do to make up for it, but this I hope helps you both," he says handing me the transmitters.

"What is this?" I say.

"If you are ever separated and need help, it monitors each of yours vital signs, and it will let you both find each other. It gives an audible call and then turns on the transmitter to help you find the other," says Beetee.

That little thing became the way we would be able to find each other whenever I would have an episode. I haven't had that many episodes, as I had learned how to keep my heart rhythm to a steady pace.

She holds both transmitters in her hand and places them on a hook next to the door. It is a rule that we have that when we are going out without the other that we would wear each others transmitter.

Handing her the empty cup she helps me inside the living room where I sit down in the sofa. Our home is very basic and not too flashy. Everything inside we have made by hand, from books we each learned how to become handier.

There are some things though that we buy when we are in the district. Like the fabric for the cushions of the sofa we bought but we got the filling from the feathers of the geese that we would hunt, the meat to eat, the feathers for pillows or cushions.

After placing the cups in the kitchen, she walks back and sits down next to me. Then after a couple of minutes she turns, and puts up her feet on the arms of the sofa, laying her head on my lap. I brush her hair with my hands and she just closes her eyes and smiles.

"Did I tell you today how much I love you?" I say.

"No," she says.

"Well I love you more times that my heart can beat," I say.

"You always did have a way with words," she says. "You sure that you never had any girlfriends back when we were kids?"

"Nope, you were the only one I wanted," I say.

"Well what if we didn't end up together?" she says. "What then?"

"You know, I never thought that far ahead. I guess I always knew that I would someday end up with you," I say. "Something that my heart always knew what my mind never could comprehend."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Her eyes closed there as she lies in my lap, tired from the ordeal out in the forest. The way she sleeps has changed just a little. If you weren't paying attention, you would never catch it. Back in the train she would sleep next to me but her body language was that of fear, almost like she would be ready at any moment to jump up and run.

Little by little, through the nightmare and the bruises that she would leave me, she would wake up and see me there holding her. Through the thrashing she would find me there, never leaving. She came closer and the nightmare lessened. They never completely left; she would still have them, just like I would still have them.

There are nights when I still them being burned alive in the locked bakery. Those are the nights that when I wake up, I find her there eyes wide open, helping me through it. We have each had our bad nights, and the thing is that we have been there for one another.

The rain continues to fall and it is enough to make you want to stay in all day but there is so much to do. We have been here hidden from the district for almost three weeks. The scruffy beard is something that both makes Katniss laugh at and tells me that I look like another guy.

"Almost like I am with another guy from Johanna's district," she said yesterday laughing. Probably I will shave when I am back in the district.

There were plans to go back to the Victors Village by tomorrow, so everything will have to be taken care of prior to it. Looking over I grab a shawl from the back of the sofa and place it on her. She quickly grabs it and snuggles into it. She does move her hand and touches my knee, and then sighs. I guess she wanted to make sure that I hadn't leave.

"Still here," I say.

"Just checking," she mumbles.

She falls fast asleep and there is where I notice the subtle change in her sleeping. It is the ability to sleep so soundly, the fact that she isn't ready to get up and run should she need to, it is that that I feel has changed, and she is finally letting herself believe that she is safe.

I slowly play with her hair which before would have caused her to initially flinch but not right now. All she does is sleep comfortably there in our house. Looking around I see the very few pictures that we have. The pictures from the wedding glowing with the fire that Cinna made for us. The other picture is of us fishing in District Four that one day with Annie and my mother. My favorite picture of course was of the deer that I caught in the forest.

Katniss had been showing me how to hunt with a bow and arrow. She had always wanted me to be her hunting partner, so when I asked her for lessons she was more than happy to show me. We started just shooting straight at a trunk of a tree, hitting a specific mark and then trying to hit the same on with the next arrow. After I was able to hit it consistently, we moved to smaller and smaller trunks. It took me months to get decent enough to take out for an actual hunt.

"I am going to catch a deer," I say.

"Always aiming high huh?" she says.

"That was how I got you," I say.

You can see the blush coming through her cheeks, however she laughs at my over confidence.

"We will see if we don't starve today," she says.

"How about this," I say. "If I land a deer, I get to do something that I wanted to do with you."

"Which is," she says.

"I get to trace you body with the tip of my finger," I say.

The look of shock and the blush is even confusing to me.

"Been thinking about that one for a while huh?" she says laughing through the blushing.

I nod and smile. She agrees, only because she knows that it is near impossible for one to see one but to catch one that is in the forest is as if I hit some sort of prize.

We trek for about three to four hours and nothing. Not even a simple track of a deer, nothing. Just as we are about to call it quits, that is where I see it. In the bark of the tree, I see the fresh scraps of the antlers. You can tell they are fresh because of the sap that was dripping.

"Fresh deer antler marks," I say to her.

She nods her head in agreement.

In the high grass about ten to fifteen meters away I see movement in the high grass. I point to it, and she confirms. We make our way to a clear opening, and that is when I remember her training.

"They can smell you from about ten meters," she says. "If they are spooked they will run downwind, so before you shoot, find out the direction that they will run to."

Licking my finger tip, I place it to the wind and can feel it coming from the right. Make a mental note if it runs it will go left.

"Shooting an arrow at a moving target is difficult because you have to anticipate where they will go and fire two to five meters ahead of the target," she says showing me a triangle on the ground.

The farther you are, the farther you have to shoot, but the greater you will miss because of the area of uncertainty is larger.

I put the deer just at ten meters. If I get any closer he will know that I am there. I slowly reach back and grab the arrow from the sheath. Placing it in the notch, I lift the bow trying my hardest not to make any noise. Pulling back on the line, the tense line makes a small noise, and just like that the deer doesn't hesitate and makes a dash for it.

Following the deer in the sights, I am three feet in front when I let go of the arrow. Everything slows down and I can see the arrow fly through the sky. It is only a couple seconds in real time, but in my mind it is almost two to three minutes.

The thud confirms the arrow hitting something.

We both make a dash for it knowing that it may have only grazed it and not made a serious blow. Getting about five meters, we both already have the arrows in our bows ready to go. She approaches from the left and I circle back to the right cutting off the two paths it might take.

No movement, and no sound, is it down?

We get to it and finally there we see it, the deer on the ground, and an arrow through one of its legs. Katniss quickly takes out her knife and ends it suffering.

The smile is almost instant as I did the impossible. Although she tells me that it was still alive and that I really didn't kill it, so it didn't count.

"Technically, your knife but my arrow," I say. "If you hadn't jumped in and ended its life I would have. You just want to get out of the bet."

She smiles. "Wouldn't you, if it was you?" she says.

She finally relents and although she doesn't like it, she will not go back on a bet.

"Help me carry it back," I say.

She grabs the back and I grab the front. It takes us a little bit, but once we get back to the lake house, we ate for days.

That night I traced every inch of her body with the tip of my finger and my eyes closed. I wanted to see what live was like for that old blind man that lived in our district. He always said that until I could see beauty the way he did, that I couldn't understand what it was like to love someone unconditionally. She laughed the whole time, but like a trooper she toughed it out. At the end I finally understood what he meant.

I couldn't see where my finger tip touch, so I had to trust her guidance, her reaction. Some places she was less ticklish and more apprehensive. Those places where the places where she was burned either by the fire bombs of the first games, or the acid burns from the quarter quell, to the grazing of gun shots, and finally to the place where she felt the hardest impact of the blast from the parachute bombs in the war.

"Trust is not given," he once told me. "It is earned. When you can earn the trust of your beloved then you will dive deeper into her heart than ever. Well that is how it was with me and my late wife."

"You loved her deeply, I can tell," I say.

"It was more than that, it was a love that was deeper than the word love, it became a part of us, we became a part of each other," he says. "She died years ago, but I can still feel her like it was yesterday."

My eyes closed for a moment, as the rain drops starts to lessen little by little. The last thing I see before I fall asleep is the picture of us holding the deer. The dreams are filled with sounds of wind chimes and memories of when it was just us two. The mixture of the wind chimes and rain drops places me back in our little cave. I think that was the day that we both grew together, that we allowed ourselves just to be ourselves.

I feel her hand caress my hand and when I open my eyes she had gotten my hand and had begun to just caress them.

"How are you?" I say.

"I should be asking you that," she says.

"I am a lot better," I say.

We both look outside and can see that the rain had stopped. Walking outside I walk over to the cistern and see that the rain water had increased our supply to almost three days worth of drinking water. Katniss walked over to the vegetable garden and looks at the carrots, tomatoes, and the potatoes. She turns and gives me the thumbs up.

The sun still hiding behind the clouds give this beautiful array of colors. Standing there I just let the whole sight just sink in. There is so much beauty in this world that people never really stop to see it. I feel her hand grab mines.

"What are you thinking about," she asks.

"How beautiful all this is," I say. "How many people do not get to see it, or stop and see it?"

She presses her head on my shoulder.

"If you want to get into the district before night fall we will have to get going," she says.

"I know, just wanted to just absorb it all one last time before we leave," I say. "I will start the house preparations."

She goes inside to pack some clothes and some food should we get hungry along the way. Walking around the house every door and every window is secured, to protect against animals or intruders. You could never be too careful, we have come to realize. None of the Capitol reporters would venture out into the forest anyways, and they do not even know where we are in the forest.

No one really would come and find us. Katniss told me that the only other person that knows where this little house is Gale.

"He wouldn't come here," she once told me.

"Well never say never," I say.

She grabs my hand and tells me that she is sure that he wouldn't.

"You know I would never ask," I start to say.

"You are wondering about that day before the trial in the Capitol," she says.

I nod my head.

"Peeta it has been years since that even happen, do you really want to know?" she says.

Thinking about really, do I really want to open that wound. She could say anything that she was thinking of leaving or not. Really it doesn't matter what they talked about so many years ago.

"No," I say. "At the end, it all worked out, no?"

She leans in and kisses me on the cheek.

"Still wouldn't change a thing," she says.

Once we are ready to go, we get our knives, our bows, and our transmitters. We look back at our little house that has changed expanded as the years passed. Turning around we open the secured door and walk out to the forest.

It has taken me a couple of months to learn the area around us. Once I learned it, we were able to quickly hike through the quickest path to the fence of District Twelve. It is still about two hours and that is running at full speed. We decide to take a little bit more time getting there so that we can get to our house by night fall.

Once at the fence we work our way over to the hole behind our house in the Victors Village. Walking quickly through the backyard we are finally at the kitchen door. Grabbing the key from under the false board we open the door and are now inside the cozy little home that we had made for ourselves here in District Twelve.

Grabbing her pack from her back she turns and gives me a quick kiss before she makes a dash for the shower. We have to get ready for the event tonight and have very little time. Opening the pack, I put away the squirrels and the other food in the refrigerator. The military packs I place them in the downstairs closet, behind a false wall.

It is silly I know, but to this day, we do not want anyone but a few people to know that we have another place that we call home. The front door has a pile of mail that April had been placing there. In the beginning it was her grandmother Sae, but after she got too old to make the trips up to the Victors Village, her grand daughter April started to take over her responsibilities.

Little April, still can remember the first day we met her. The cutest little girl has grown up to be a wonderful young woman. She has followed in her family's tradition and became a hunter. Sometimes we would go out with her and hunt for the district. She can actually hold her own. We even started to train her in some of the military training that we learned back in District Thirteen.

The best class we learned and were able to teach was hand to hand combat. What to do when you do not have a weapon and all you can is to stand with your two hands. Those were interesting classes, because it allowed us to keep ourselves in shape, and release some much needed stress. When all you know is war and combat, then when it is suddenly gone, that itch doesn't just go away.

For Katniss, she started to hunt more and more. As for me, I started to paint, and teach. It was what kept us from going crazy. I hear the water turn off upstairs and know that Katniss is done. Walking up the stairs I see the door there slightly opened. In the small little glimpse I see her there, as beautiful as that day in President Paylor's house.

I walk inside with a grin on my face. She turns around the quickly tells me not to stare and to take a shower. The closet is open so I grab the soft yellow dress that has so many wonderful memories for me. I hand it to her.

"Think you could wear this," I say.

She grabs the hanger looks at it. She examines the fabric, and the cut of the dress. It stills a warm smile to her face, because it was made by her good friend Cinna. It was one of the many different kinds of dresses that he had made for the Victory Tour back when we had just won the Games. This one was one of my favorites. The first time she wore it was in the post Games interview, where she told me that she wanted to keep me.

Caesar just asked her why do you think that was when she realized that she cared about me.

"Maybe...because for the first time...there was a chance I could keep him," says Katniss.

I know that at that moment she just wanted to save me, but something happened when we went on the Victory Tour and we got to know each other. I think it was finally back in District Four for both of us. I think one day I will have to ask her when it was that she fell in love.

"You really do like this one, don't you?" says Katniss.

"It has many different memories for me," I say.

She nods her head and tells me to hurry. Once in the bathroom, I quickly strip down and get in the shower. Scrubbing quickly with soap and water my arms and my leg, all the sweat and the forest smell being cleanse away,

I grab the straight razor and begin to remove the beard section by section. Once down I move my hand on my cheeks, and look at the reflection in the mirror. I look like I did back when I got married, just a couple more wrinkles than I would want to have.

Opening the door I see her placing on ear rings. She sees my reflection in the mirror and smiles.

"Finally where have you've been? I have been spending time with a burly man with a beard," she says smiling.

With her hand she touches my smooth skin.

"You like?" I say.

She kisses my cheek, one by one, until her lips meet mines and if she doesn't stop we will definitely be late for the event. Finally she pulls away and all I can do is place my hands on my knees. All she does is laugh and tells me to stop playing around and get dress.

Standing up, I smile and walk over to the bed and see her outfit for me that she loves.

"You really this one, don't you?" I repeat.

She just gives me a mocking face and then laughs.

Putting the button down long sleeve shirt and then the pants, she helps me with the suspenders and I roll up the sleeves. I walk over to her and remove the transmitter from her neck.

"What if..." she starts.

"You will just have to be extra close to me, tonight," I say. "Otherwise this would look too crowded."

I place the locket around her neck. She looks at it, through the reflection on the mirror.

"Where did you find it?" She says.

"Underneath the bath tub," I say.

We walk downstairs and finally out the door. She holds onto the crook of my elbow as we walk down to the Justice Building. From being all carefree in the way she talks, now the closer we get to the Justice the more quiet she gets.

"You okay?" I say.

Looking at her, I can feel her become tense.

"Just don't like these public events," she says. "Remind me too much of the old Capitol."

The invitation came a couple weeks ago in the mail. It was a request by the current President of Panem for a special event, to discuss the current progress of the country of Panem. The New Capitol hasn't had any special events since the last Institute was opened in District Two.

The red brick on the ground lets me know that we are approaching the Square. Looking at the shops I can still remember when the old shops were all but rumble and then the rebuilding of the Square, and the new shops now look old. They are well kept but the bright colors have faded a little bit.

I see the Bakery come to view and ask if we have enough time to do a quick pop in? She shakes her head no, and that she promises that on the way back we can see how William and Abby are doing.

Once at the doors of the Justice Building we are approached by two attendants.

"Welcome, the conference is about to start, everyone is waiting for both of you inside," the attendant lets us know.

Looking around it is a small affair with only the Council representative of District Twelve, the Mayor, and us as the attendees. It almost seems silly that they had to send invitations, if there were only going to be a handful of us here.

Thom approaches us and asks us if we need anything.

"No," I say. "Just feels a little tense, what is this about?"

"Not sure," he says. "All I know is that the President and the Council requested that all the Mayors of each district be present on the video conference t discuss the current affairs of Panem."

In the distance we see Haymitch with a glass of some kind of spirit in his hand. The years have not been good for Haymitch. He looks a lot older than what he truly is. Although he is around fifty-five or so, he looks ten years older. He walks slower than usual, and even the grey hairs have become more prevalent.

"Well if it isn't the happy couple," says Haymitch.

"Hello there Haymitch," says Katniss. "Seems like you are having a great time."

"Only reason to get out of bed," says Haymitch lifting his glass.

"You know what this is all about?" I say.

"No," he says. "Why would I?"

"Well last time, you knew everything, and failed to mention it to us. Don't want a repeat of what happened because of your decisions," I say reminding him of how we both suffered because of us not being involved.

"Never going to let that go huh?" says Haymitch.

"Not if I have to suffer through it everyday," I say.

Katniss pulls on my arm, away from Haymitch. At first I pull back but then relent and let her take me away. Something about remembering what I had to go through always puts me in a bad mood with Haymitch.

"Don't let him get to you," says Katniss.

"Can't help it," I say.

The doors open and we all walk into the library where there are huge screens installed. Two screens have all the districts in subdivided boxes within the screen. The other one list the President and the Capitol underneath it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

We sit down and an attendant advises us that we will be beginning in about five minutes. The feeds into the other district begin to become alive with people walking around and some even sitting already at the table. Thom has been the three term Mayor of District Twelve, the only original Mayor from the formation of the new government.

Most of the people here in District Twelve love Thom and his wife Millie. They have two boys, Peeta and Gale. Imagine that, the two brothers were named after us two. Of course the first boy was Gale, and the second smaller was Peeta. We all joke about if they each fell in love with same girl. Katniss of course didn't find the humor behind it, but accept the boys.

The attendants pass out sealed packets to each one of us. Once all of us are seated, we see the current President of Panem come onto the screen. President Mason was elected through an election after President Paylor declined a third term. Everyone loved President Paylor, she did bring the districts together and had left the government with many safe guards so that we would never go back to the way things were.

"Good afternoon everyone," says President Mason. "The reason behind this meeting is to discuss the next project on the agenda that requires input from our council, our mayors and our remaining victors."

Looking at the screens I see that out of the seven victors at the end of the war, only six of remain. Enobaria died a couple of years ago in a training incident, that was ruled an accident. Everyone had thought that it was Johanna but when she was found in District Seven, it was ruled an accident.

I see on the screens, Annie, Beetee, and Johanna. They are all opening the packets and taking a look at the next initiative.

"The question before you is what we do with the sites?" says President Mason.

The proposals are for the arena sites. Before the war, any old arena could be visited by people from the Capitol only. The people from the districts couldn't visit because of the travel restrictions, and I don't think they would ever go because of what happened there.

On the proposals are the 75th, 74th, 73rd, 72nd arena sites. Currently they have been shut down but there are looking for a permanent solution to this.

I raise my hand to be acknowledged.

"Question, Peeta Mellark, District Twelve," says an attendant.

"Yes, Peeta," says President Mason.

"Are the sites active?" I say.

"To answer your question, Mr. Mellark, the sites are currently still active and therefore would need to be manually shut down and cleared for demolition," says a technical advisor.

"This is why we need the help of the remaining Victors, who have first hand knowledge of the traps" says President Mason. "Minister Plutarch has volunteered his knowledge on where the manual shut downs are located."

The impact of what is being asked of us finally hit us.

"You want us to go back?!" blurts out Katniss as she slams her hand on the table. "Why can't you just bomb it and get it over with?"

There is a silence in the room and everyone in the conference call just looks at her. She is standing still not moving, still as defiant as she was back in the rebellion.

"Still got it," a familiar voice says over the speakers. The voice is enough to have your skin crawl; it causes my hands to slowly close to a fist.

"Katniss, I have it on good authority that there are many high yield explosive devices that were hidden there in the arena sites by President Snow," says Plutarch. "Turn to page four in your package and you will find Capitol memo listing the plan for the high yield explosives being hidden in the arenas."

We turn to the fourth page and find the memo that is signed by President Snow. It all sounds very complicated and honestly all gibberish. If that was the case then why plant them there?

"When? Why?" I stammer.

"They strategically moved them when the uprising had begun, that is the when" says Plutarch. "The why, is from what we have concluded was to be able to strike the rebel base when the location was uncovered."

The information that they thought I had. It was what got them killed. It is something that I wished I knew. It could have saved them long enough for the Plutarch to get them out of the Capitol.

"If...if I may," says Beetee. "If I am reading these correctly and I think I am the uranium high yield explosives..."

"Yes, the high yield explosive," interrupts Plutarch.

"No, no, no..." says Beetee. "Uranium high yield is not just simple explosives, they are nuclear devices."

The weight of this stops everyone and even causes the color to disappear from the President's face. It is one thing to hide bombs, but to move nuclear bombs it is another thing. Not even President Coin threatened the Capitol with nuclear devices, because she knew that if one went off, it would be bad for everyone.

"Well who cares," says Johanna Mason. "Just leave them there; it hasn't done any harm all these years."

"Thank you Ms. Mason. We had thought of that but found that some of the devices could begin to leak and are showing signs of stress fractures," says the President. "The locations of the active arenas are what trouble me. If we could all turn to page six."

Turning the packet we find the locations of the active arenas. Each one labeled with a red bulls-eyes on them. No one but the game makers knew the exact locations of the arenas. Even after the Games, Capitol officials would be blindfolded when they wanted to visit the arenas and vacation there.

A couple of pages in and finally the location of our Games come into view. Once Katniss told me that in the arena she thought that the sky looked and the forest looked like it did back in District Twelve.

I grab her hand and she looks at the page. The red bulls-eyes are only beyond the mountain range of District Twelve.

"No," she says shaking head, trying to forget the pain. "Even in death, President Snow still has the power to kill us."

I slowly stop her by placing my hands on her face. She looks up at me with those eyes, that fiery passion that was there is no longer, looking at me for some sort of answers when I know that I have none.

I turn and face the screen where the President is looking.

"What do you need us to do?" I say softly.

"It is quite simple," says the technician. "We will provide you with the map to where the kill switch is. You simply have to turn it off. Our scientists then will come in and disarm the bombs. That is it, simple."

I stand, lifting her to my arms.

"No," I say. "It is never... simple, when it is the old Capitol."

We begin to walk out, when I see him there propped up near the door sipping from his flask.

"Stay alive ...right?" I say walking pass him.

No one tries to stop us, but sooner or later they will come for us. They will come to take us back to the Capitol. When will this be finally over?

Once outside, I walk with her, not really talking just want to get as far away from this as possible. Really I just need to think, need to calm down. The breathing was hard enough inside; pretending that I was holding it together took every ounce of concentration to stop the shaking.

I pick up the pace and I think that is when she notices, because I feel her hand climb up to my chest. When she feels the irregularities of my heart she stops me.

"Peeta," she says.

"I am okay, I can at least make it to the house," I say.

"Ssssh, let me help you," she says.

She moves me back to a nearby crate, and helps me finally sit down. Sitting next to me, she begins to hum a lullaby.

"Concentrate on the song, let you mind pick up the melody," she says.

I can feel my heart start to slow down. My breathing begins to become normal. It is only then that she lifts my chin and kisses me.

The kiss has the most calming effect of all, and finally just like it didn't happen, everything has normalized.

"Come on, let's get home," she says. "We have to think this through."

We walk back through the back road that leads to the Victors Village. This isn't the time to talk with anyone, to chit chat about how everything is going great and that they are happy.

They don't know what we do. That only a couple miles away is the old arena, holding the ghosts of the past. The place where the Capitol killed everyone we knew and hide its greatest weapon, to destroy us all.

Getting to our house and inside we each has a feeling of a small victory. That is the only thing that we can think of, because what is about to happen is probably our greatest challenge yet. It is like me returning to the Capitol, but for Katniss, it is returning to where it started.

We both sit in the sofa, unsure on where to begin. How do you think this one through? What strategy do we have? Even if we make it through the arena and find the kill switch, what about the other two arenas? We only know the 74th and the 75th, but I don't even remember the 73rd or the 72nd.

"So, if you say no then I say no," I say. "We do this as a family or none at all."

She lifts her eyes from the floor which had been staring at it for the last ten minutes.

"If we don't do it, who will," says Katniss.

"I don't know, someone else, anyone else for all I care the President can go in our place...Katniss, we have given so much to the Capitol," I say. "Why can't it be someone else?"

She tightens my hand, and I know that I cannot hide anything from her.

"You are still trying to protect me," says Katniss. "Real or not real."

"Real," I say. "If I could, I would put you in the farthest place away from here."

She slides closer to me and I can feel her arms wrap around my waist. She places her head on my chest, and for a moment we just think about it. Running away through the night, no one would find us.

"Haven't we been here before," she says.

"And I said yes," I say.

"Hard to believe that you were ready to go into the forest with me, even with Gale," she says.

"Just to be with you, I would go anywhere," I say.

There is a pause in the air, almost like we all know the answer.

"You know we cannot leave," she says.

"I know, but it would have been an adventure," I say.

"We would have to prepare," she says. "After all who know what traps where laid for us back in our Games," she says. "Now that I remember, there weren't any really that you or I triggered."

"You know, I think Plutarch will give us the details on what the triggers are and where they are located," I say, but quickly remember. "Although we were given the same information of the Pods on the Capitol streets and that didn't help us."

Thinking about, and all the chaos that happened due to lack of information. This time around it will not happen to us again, I will not risk our lives with guesses and uncertainty.

"There is something that I have this time that I didn't back then," she says.

"What?" I say unsure.

She lifts her hand and places it on my chest.

"I have you," she says. "Before we had to keep an eye on you, this time, I have you to take care of me."

"That and I can actually use a weapon now," I say.

She makes the so-so sign with her hand. Smiling she knows exactly how to take off the edge of a very serious situation. I stand and I hold her.

"Thank you," I say.

"No problem," she says.

I run my hand around her back.

"Peeta, don't you even think about it," she says starting to squirm.

I start to tickle her, which causes her to cry out in laughter. She tries to separate from my but one of my arms have her pinned. She tries to tickle me, which causes me to try and separate from her.

"Okay, okay, okay...truce?" I say slowly letting her go. Right as I am in the clear she gets one more tickle stab at me, which causes me want to grab her.

"Let's forget about this until tomorrow, okay?" says Katniss.

"Forget about what? All I remember is how hungry I am, and how much I love you," I say. "And not in that order."

We walk together to the kitchen where I grab some ingredients to make some bread. She gets out the squirrels that were caught in the trap. After preparing the meat, and waiting for the bread, we sit down and eat.

Walking with her to the living room, I open all the windows to let in the wind. We have to know the things that we like.

"You know there is something I always wanted to ask," I say.

"Hmm," she says looking up as she sits down on the sofa.

"Why do you like to have all the windows opened?" I say.

She smiles, like she knows something that I don't. She pats the seat next to her. I walk over and sit in our little sofa that has seen many kisses, and many tears.

"That is easy," she says. "When I came back to the District after the war had ended, I had never felt so alone," she says. "But one day, I looked outside and saw you, there just sitting at the base of a tree."

Trying to remember what she was referring to and nothing comes to mind. The torture that the Capitol had administered had a lasting effect of one thing. Every memory I have to fight to remember. It is like for others it is easy to remember, but to me, I have to relive it a couple of times in order to fully remember.

"Well I think a butterfly had landed on your hand because you just sat there examining it," she says.

The picture in my mind becomes something familiar. It was probably the fourth day back in the District. It was probably a day or so before I went into the forest to find the primroses to plant in front of her house. It was actually the reason why I did it.

"I opened the window and wanted to yell out to you, but I couldn't," she says. "You got up and started to walk towards the Square, so I followed you in my house opening windows."

"So that is why you like it?" I say.

"Well I would fall asleep on this sofa and hearing you outside, helped me feel not so alone," says Katniss. "You once told me that you like it when all the windows were opened. So I wanted to like something that you did, it kept me close to you, even though you weren't here."

I lift her hand and give it a kiss.

"You want to know why I liked to have all the windows opened." I say.

She nods her head no.

"It was a dream of mines that one day, if I had the windows opened I could catch you singing to the birds. I didn't want to miss the opportunity of that so everyday I would open the windows," I say.

Again we both like things because of the other. It makes me smile, how we were always trying to be close to the other even when we didn't know. She wanted to be next to me, but didn't know how, and I longed to be with her, but was waiting for the right time.

"You remember when you gave me this," she says showing me her ring.

It was a month after our celebration, and winter had already came in. I was out shoveling the snow from the walkway to our house. She was just there looking at me.

"You know there are two shovels," I say to her.

She laughs at me.

"I see that, although you wanted the walkway cleared so people could up here. I would rather have them not come and bother us," she says.

"Well if it wasn't snowing we would be in the house by the lake," I say. "Although we couldn't swim in the lake."

"Then you can skate on it," she says.

"You can skate on it?" I say surprisingly.

"Hmm, hmm," she says. "One day I will take you ice skating."

That would be the day, me skating on ice. The very thought opens a whole new level of excitement for me. It allows me to see that there are things in my life that I haven't experience, a world past my own imagination.

"You are a total surprise, Mrs. Katniss Mellark," I say.

She smiles at the fact that I just called her by her new name. It was the first time in about a week since I had done that. The way it sounds, it is almost like a dream, like I imagined it.

"Just like the time you found the pearl, you really surprised me back then." she says. "I just couldn't tell you back then, because we had all of Panem watching and the alliance that we had with the...other...victors."

I walk over to her placing the shovel on the step. I hold her, knowing that the memory still brings a small pain for losing Finnick in the war.

"The pearl," I repeat.

"Yeah, I found it a couple days ago in an old box that I never unpacked," she says walking back inside. After a couple of minutes she comes back with the silver parachute. Once she unraveled it that is when I see it, a perfect round pearl, still as beautiful as when I first saw it that day in the Quarter Quell.

I run it through my hands and there in the palm of my hand is the one thing that I knew was the sign that we were meant to be together.

"Peeta," she says.

I lift my head to see her playing with something.

"Remember this?" she says twirling something in one of her fingers.

There in her hand was the silver spile.

"Isn't this what we used to get water?" I say.

"Yeah," she says. "Funny little thing that was reason why we lived. We wouldn't have lasted that long without water."

That comment, just stuck in my mind so much so that I later asked if I could have the spile.

"Sure," she says giving me a kiss as she handed it to me.

The next day, I walked to the blacksmith and had him cut the spile into two rings. He did have to expand it for me, and tighten it for her, but in the end we did exchange rings. I even had him place on hers the word 'reason.'

"What does this mean," she says.

"This was the spile, and it was the reason why we lived in the arena," I say. "But now, you are my reason that I am alive."

She grabs my ring and walks over to the blacksmith and had him place a word on mines. When he was finally done, he gave it to her.

She looked at it with this shy look in her face. When she handed it to me, she made me close my eyes as she slipped it on my finger.

"Living," I say as I read it in the light. "What does it mean?"

She holds my hand, in hers, and when she lifts it to the light, it becomes apparent.

"Reason...living," I say to her.

"You are my reason for living," she says.

"And you are mines," I say.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I think forgetting where we are probably the easiest thing that we have mastered. It was the thing you had to do when in the Games. In the military we learned how to compartmentalize it. They said that because we were in the Games we would make the best soldiers because we could adapt to any situation. The only thing is that we are broken easier.

In our living room we had officially forgotten about the conference in the Justice Building. We had forgotten what we had agreed to. It is the thing that we both wish we never had to do, and that is going back into the arena.

We sit there looking at each others ring, remembering where we had got them, and what they represented to each of us. Everything we do means something to us; it isn't something that we take for granted.

"You know how much you mean to me," I say.

She smiles and nods. She curls up to me and finally says.

"You mean a lot to me as well," she says.

The door opens and we both look and see the drunken self of Haymitch Abernathy standing there.

"What do you want?" says Katniss.

"Well you left the party without knowing an important bit of information," he says. We just sit there waiting for the answer.

"Should we guess?" I say.

"When we are leaving?" he says.

"We?" says Katniss. "You are going?"

"Who else is going to be talking you through the obstacles?" he says.

That is such a great idea, bring along the one person that neither one of us can stand. To top it all off, we have to listen to, trust his instincts, and give our lives in his hands.

"Well that makes sense, after all we have to sometimes walk in a zig zag pattern," says Katniss.

He places the bottle very carefully on the table.

"Tomorrow, eight in the morning," he says.

"Wait, what?" I say unsure. "Tomorrow? What is the rush?"

The question is a valid one as the only thing that could happen is the leaking of the device. Why tomorrow, why so early?

"Prep work is to be done in the Capitol," he says. "The actual mission isn't until next week, so we have five days to learn the arena grounds and what we could expect."

The unknown of what we could expect is enough to ignite an emotional response from Katniss.

"Is that it? Because we were busy," she says obviously bothered by the interruption.

"That is it, hope you have been keeping yourself in fighting shape, both of you," says Haymitch walking out.

"We should really think about locking that door," I say trying to keep a serious face, but failing to do so.

She pokes me in the ribs.

"Ouch, yes remember I have the same amount of ribs as you do," I say.

And just like that we have totally forgotten who just came in and what they just said. She stands whistles a happy tune as she walks towards the door and finally locks it. Once she turns around she gives me this sly look which only causes me to smile.

She walks by me and continues to whistle her happy tune. I stand and turn to her. She sticks out her hand and I reach for it. Pulling her in, she lets out a laugh.

I place my hand on her waist and begin to dance a little bit with her.

"Well don't stop whistling, I need a beat to dance to," I say.

She thinks about where she left off in the song and then starts again to whistle. We start to move happily to the tune, it is the way we cope now with things we cannot control. We decided this on the dance floor of our reception.

"Good evening everyone and thank you for coming tonight to celebrate the union of Peeta and Katniss," an announcer says that night.

Everyone begins to clap as we walk into the room. Katniss is overcome with the design of the room. It literally looks like our little garden on top of the Training Center.

"Peeta, it looks exactly like..." she whispers to me.

"I know, I was surprised myself when I saw it," I respond. "I did add something though to it."

Just then a couple of fans are turned on and you can begin to hear the wind chimes that have been hung on tree branches of each of the tables. This causes her smile to grow.

"Close your eyes," I whisper to her.

She closes her eyes and I lead her to the center of the dance floor. I nod to Delly and she lowers the lights and turns on the sparklingly lights.

"Okay," I whisper. "Open your eyes."

She opens her eyes and looks at me. I lift my gaze up to the roof, which causes her to do the same. There she sees what small input I could give to make night about us.

"How did you do this?" she says.

"In between running around, I mentioned it to Delly, the chimes and the stars, she made it happen." I say.

She there we are in the center with everyone looking and for us; we are clueless to realize it. All we can do is just look at the stars and dance. There comes a time where all I can do is spin her around and around as she laughs.

"Is this how our lives are going to be?" she says.

"It is my promise to you that our lives will be like this, filled with laughter and love," I say.

She places her head on my chest and we forget where we are and who is there. That was a great night.

Looking at her now, we are both still the same young kids back then.

"Have I kept my promise?" I say. "Are you happy?"

"Yes," she says.

She places her head on my chest and now hums the song. We continue to dance and twirl around, forgetting everything, losing ourselves in the moment. She smells so wonderful; I am captivated by her, everything about her. The soft touch of her hands, the way she moves around softly, how does she do that? Her feet never really land, and it is like we are dancing on the clouds in the sky.

The humming had stopped and finally she looks up at me.

"What's wrong?" I say.

"I don't want to lose you," she says.

"You won't," I say reassuring her.

"But,...we...don't... know," she says.

"You won't," I repeat.

I lean in and kiss her. Trying to reassure her, I place my hands around her waist. We can pretend that tomorrow would never come but in reality not even we can't stop time itself. I try to keep myself from thinking about it, and probably I am better than her at doing it, but sooner or later I would have to face the same thing.

"Come on, what do you want to do?" I say.

She shrugs her shoulder unsure.

"How about this," I say. "Let's take a walk. How does that sound?"

A light in her eyes brightens and her smile overwhelms her fears. There are now words but a smile shaking nod, which makes me forget how old we really are.

I grab a jacket from the closet and reaching for her, she reaches for mines. Once we connect, we walk outside. The sun has already begun to set, and not that many people are out walking.

She grabs my hand with both of hers. I had always loved it when she did that. The first time was in the train coming out in a district in the Victory Tour. The actual district escapes me, but that wasn't what the memory was about. It was about the fact that it was natural, the way she held my hand. It was the first time that it felt right, that it wasn't forced. It was like she wanted to hold my hand.

We walk down to the Seam, saying hello to the many new residents in our district. The younger crowd doesn't really know us, walking by us, and that is fine by us. The older generation that was either for or against the war remembered us and would greet us.

It was nice to not be recognized, almost like sooner or later we would become just normal people. Passing the square, and then the train station we continue to walk, not knowing where we are going.

Almost like a magnet, we find ourselves there coming to the school. Those old swings, still there, were waiting for us. This time though, I see someone there, sitting in one of the swings. Coming closer, I see that it is April O'Connor, Sae's grand daughter.

"April," I say. "What are you doing here?"

She looks up and smiles at the sight of us there holding hands.

"Hey there Aunt Katniss, Uncle Peeta," she says.

We aren't really related but we watch her grow up, so she considers us family and we don't mind.

"How are you April," says Katniss.

"Well honestly, came to think, and clear my head," she says.

"How come," I say. "Had an argument with your grand mother?"

She looks down and nods. Katniss sits next to her in other swing. I walk behind them and without any hesitation, begin to pull both of them and letting the swing.

"Want to talk about it?" says Katniss.

"Well the council man came by our house and well he told us about where you guys are going," she says.

There could only come bad from telling people about what we have to do, and where we have to go. It is never a positive thing to mention the arenas. People in this new Panem; have seen them to be somewhat of a barbaric action and nothing to be proud of.

"Grand mama, is mad because I...well...volunteered to come with you guys," she says.

Katniss suddenly stops swinging, and soon April follows.

"Why would you do that?" I say.

"You can't come, I will make sure of it," says Katniss. "You forget who I am and how much influence I have."

She stands to her feet. You can tell that she is upset and doesn't want to yell.

"You can't stop me," says April. "Not unless you stop him too."

The though penetrates and hits us both in the pit of our stomach. Stop him? Stop who?

"He is going?" says Katniss. "How do you know?"

"He called me and told me, he told me that he was there tonight, with his mother," she says. "He took her place, her mother couldn't go, and you know how much she has struggled to forget it."

We both looked to ourselves. It makes sense, and something that his father would do, and did do. He volunteered to come with us to the Capitol to end President Snow's reign of terror. It was where he died, and where we couldn't even find a body to bury.

"Uncle Peeta, don't tell me, you wouldn't do the same if she was going and you weren't," says April. "If Liam is going to go, then I will be there with him."

She makes a very strong case. If this was me, and she was going, I would move heaven and earth to go with her. Little Liam Odair is more and more like his father. He would make his father proud, by just the act of him volunteering for his mother.

"She is right," I say to Katniss. "If we were in their shoes, we would do the same thing. Heck, we did the same thing."

"But she isn't like us, she doesn't know the dangers of the arenas, even without the tributes coming to kill us," says Katniss.

"I can handle myself, you both taught me how to hunt and to fight," she says.

"It was so that you never had to," I say.

It was four years ago, she was about Katniss's age when she was called to the Games. She had heard about the Games and the rebellion from the institute. It is something of a requirement of President Paylor, so that we never forget where came from, so that we never have to make the same mistakes.

She had found the old tapes of our games, the ones that we studied, the ones that I used to remember. She watched them, and from that moment, she kept asking us to teach her to hunt and fight.

Katniss was the first one to yield and teach her to shoot a bow. She told her to use it to hunt animals and never people. Now she our past has brought another one into this death game.

"If, and I mean a big IF," says Katniss. "We let you come; you would have to listen to everything we say. Deal?"

She claps her hand and smiles.

"Deal," says April.

"Come on, you little trouble maker," I say to April. "We have to tell your grand mother and she is so going to be thrilled."

We walk with her back to her grand mother's house. All the time she would look at me with a look of worry. It was bad enough that we had to take care of ourselves but now April and Liam. It was something that we weren't anticipating.

Once we are at Sae's door, Katniss leans in and whispers in my ear.

"Let me do the talking."

The door opens and you can tell that instead of crying Sae O'Connor decides to throw things, especially knives.

"Did she tell you, did she?" says Sae. "The girl has these romantic fantasy stories about what you went through."

"Sae," says Katniss. "We won't let her out of our sight."

"You can't promise that, you and I both know that," says Sae. "I lost my daughter; I will not lose her too."

She finally sits down, and April comes up to her. They hold each other and begin to let it all sink in. April realizes that the fight was because she didn't want to lose her, because misses her daughter.

"You bring them back, you hear me," she says grabbing me by the shirt.

The seriousness in her eyes and I know that this is love and fear at the same time.

"I will," I say. "I will bring them both back."

"I will her by tomorrow morning, with breakfast so don't go and cook anything," she says sniffing through it,

We both agree and say our good nights. Leaving Sae's house, it reminds me that we have to call mom to tell her that we are going back.

"How do you think she will take it," I say.

"No idea...how did she take it when they told her that I was going to the Capitol in the rebellion," she asks.

"Interesting enough, she made me promise her the same thing I promised Sae right now," I say thinking back to that day when I was leaving for the Capitol.

There getting the medical release from the hospital of District Thirteen. Still not one hundred percent, still suffering through intense episodes, President Coin thought it wise to send me to help Katniss kill President Snow. She was actually wishing that I lose it and kill Katniss instead, thereby nullifying the immunity agreement.

"You come back, you here?" she says. "You have a family back here."

I nod my head, as she comes and embraces me.

"And if it isn't too much of a problem, can you bring her back as well?" she says.

She knew inside her heart, that nothing was going to stop Katniss, her burning desire to make sure that they would rid this world of the tyranny of President Snow, in that same manner, she that inside my heart, there was nothing that would stop me from keeping her safe. She knew something that not even I thought was possible, that although the Capitol had tried to turn me into their pawn, that inside me would always be the desire to love her and protect her.

We walk back, unable to block out what has already become a reality. Now the question is who will be the one to talk about it. Katniss had already broken and shed tears in fear of what may happen.

"We would have to go in and out quickly," I say. "Figure out, ourselves, the quickest and safest route to take."

She looks at me, and knows what I am talking about.

"No more being in the dark, we are no longer children, so when we get there, we will ask to see the plans, the layout and make our own suggestions." I say.

"Peeta," she says. "If..."

"No, there are no ifs, we are going to make it back, all of us," I interrupt her.

"How could you be so sure," she asks.

"Because it is like I knew that I would love you forever," I say. "It was something that I had always known and the only thing that I was sure of."

We continue to walk all around District Twelve, not wanting to go home, well our home in the Victor's Village. If we had knew that this would have happened probably we would have not come back from the house by the lake.

"Still think they are looking down on us," says Katniss.

I look at her, and see her looking up at the stars. We made it a point that in our marriage we would look at the positive side of things. Whenever there was a cloudy day, we knew that somewhere, the sun was there.

"Every night, they make sure that we sleep well," I say. "They make sure that we are protected from the nightmares."

"Even now?" she says wanting some comfort.

"Even now." I say.

We get to our house and through the doors. She walks to the kitchen making sure that everything is prepared. I go to our downstairs closet and take out the two packs with our names on them. Sticking our knives in our packs, I place them both in the living room.

I walk to her that is cleaning some plates. Getting behind her I run my hands around her waist. She grabs my hands and turns her head. Looking up at me I lean in and kiss her gently, the way she feels is something that I could never get use to, and I don't think I would want to.

Turning off the lights, we close all the windows that are downstairs. She smiles at me, as just a couple of hours ago we danced and we laughed here in this, our own living room. We walk up the steps and finally into our room. It has changed little by little as more of my paintings were brought over to our house.

The other house that was given to me when I won the Hunger Games, sits there empty. One day she asked me to go down the hall to Prim's old room and begin to take out the things that were there and move them over to my old house.

That day, she was thinking about making our home here a little bit more like the both of us. She wanted me to feel like this house was the both of us.

"It is time, I think," says Katniss. "I still miss her, and it still hurts, but we would have to remember the good and forget the bad, right?"

"Yes," I say. "That is what Doctor Aurellis taught me a while back. Memories are good, if they tie it to a place where it is positive. All of my memories I try to think of you."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The night is filled with creating memories that we can keep the memories of happiness to keep us for when the day isn't too happy. It is what I thought of when I was trapped in the Detention Center, when I was being tortured by the Capitol. It was the only thing that me going, the memories.

When she finally fell asleep it was hours into the night. It was mostly due to the fact of where we were going. It happened to us twice already, the first time we sat there and I told her of what my father had taught me. How to never allow them to take the one thing that makes us who we are, to never let them change us. It is hard to think about sometimes to think about, the fact that I cannot get up walk over to the bakery and talk to him.

I miss him, thinking about him, I sure could use some advice right about now. What do you do when all that is on your mind is the deaths of the other tributes? Slipping from under her, I turn placing my foot on the ground. Staring there at the ground, the wooden floor looks the same as it did back in my father house.

This may be the only time that I have to let it all sink in. How do I keep them all safe? I feel a little bit worried, about tomorrow. The arena was just us; we looked out for each other. Now that we are each older, I wonder would we be like Johanna, and Finnick, or more like Chaff and Seeder.

I feel the warm harm on my back. I turn around and see her there behind me.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asks.

"Couldn't shut off my mind," I say.

"Tell me what you are thinking," she says.

I look at her, and I know that all she wants to do is help.

"It is nothing, just nerves," I say.

It comes with years but we each know when the other is lying. It upsets both of us when the other does it. It is something that I had promised her that I would never do, so I quickly tell her the truth.

"I miss him, I wish I could ask him advice on tomorrow, on how to protect everyone," I say. "To know that everything would be alright."

I can feel her hand rub my back in comfort. She hugs me from behind, placing her head on my shoulder.

"We have each other, we protect each other, remember?" she says. "Did you forget?"

The reassurance from her is all I really needed. I turn and she sees me, for who I am. Through my faults and through my strengths she sees me.

"You always know exactly what to do," I say.

"Not all the time, most of the time I am just guessing," she says smiling.

She brushes back my hair and just looks at me.

"You know, I kind of miss the beard," she says containing her sarcasm. I could tell this because she always made it a point to let me know that my face could be used as a weapon.

"Think I could use it as a weapon in the arena?" I say.

She laughs a little, because she remembers when she mentioned it. Placing a hand on my cheek, I kiss it and she pats the spot next to her.

I move myself next to her and she just smiles. I place my head on her chest and her heart beat.

"How does it sound?" she says.

"Sounds pretty regular, calm," I say.

She runs her hands through my hair which causes me to let out a deep sigh. As she caresses my hair, she begins to sing softly.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow."

I close my eyes and continue the song.

"A bed of grass, a soft green pillow."

I open my eyes and smile.

"Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes,"

She placed her hands on my eyes causing me to close them. It is the sense of peace in her voice that can calm me in any place, in any situation. This time she continues the song and lets me hear it as I fall asleep.

"And when again they open, the sun will rise. Here it's safe, here it's warm. Here the daises guard you from every harm. Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true."

I feel her lean in and can feel her lips on my fore head.

"Here is the place where I love you."

That is the last thing I remember before I feel the next kiss on my fore head. I open my eyes and see her there smiling.

"Come on sleepy head, and here I thought I was the one who liked to sleep," says Katniss. "Everyone is already downstairs eating."

Looking over, I can see that the clock reads almost seven. I overslept? That isn't like me to oversleep. The only thing I can think of is that I must have been very tired. I didn't even feel her get up. It has been a long time since I have been able to get this type deep sleep and now I miss it.

I stand and she hands me a t-shirt a pair of jeans. I quickly put them on, and walk downstairs with her. I see a group of people in the kitchen eating. It is no longer little April running around, but I see her now eating breakfast alongside Haymitch.

In the front of the living room I see all of our gear. Everything is ready and everyone is almost ready, but me.

"Morning," says Sae placing a plate of food on the table. "Come and eat before it gets cold."

I sit down and can see that Katniss is putting on her transmitter and handing me mines.

"Here," she says kissing me on the cheek.

We quickly eat breakfast and get everything ready. Exactly at eight, there is a knock on the door. When we open there are two attendants in military gear.

"Is everyone in the party ready?" one soldier asks.

Katniss clap her hands.

"Wait," she says and makes a quick dash upstairs. The soldiers grab a couple of the bags and walk over to the car, placing them in the trunk of the vehicles.

Sae walks out and hugs her grand daughter. The two exchange some words and some tears until Sae finally lets her go and April gets into the car.

Sae walks over to me, and looks me in the eyes. Before she could say anything, I reassure her.

"Like she was my own," I say. "She is my family."

Sae nods and walks off towards the house.

A couple minutes and I see her coming back out. She grabs her pack that I had in my hand and walks to the vehicle. I look back at our little house, and can imagine the laughter of children.

One day.

We get into the cars and are driven to the train station where we board the special unmarked train through a private entrance. This entrance was installed in the new station because of the President's visit and even other Capitol officials. There were even some whispers of train stations that are in the middle of the forest on train lines that are not on any official map.

It stands to reason that it may be true since when we boarded the President's train in a military station that wasn't on any maps.

Once we are in our rooms, she digs something out of her pocket. Placing it in my hands I can feel the familiarity of the item. The smooth round object that has been through so much and means so much to both of us.

"This is yours," I say giving it back. "I gave it to you in the beach of the Quarter Quell."

She hands it back to me.

"I want you to hold onto to it for me," she says. "It makes me feel better knowing that you have it."

She digs into her other pocket and opens her hand.

"Anyways, I have this one thing that to me means the world to me," says Katniss showing me the pearl.

I close her hand and kiss it.

We sit on the sofa in the room until I hear a knock on the room. The door slides open and there comes April excited about something. She runs over to the window looking out, trying to see something.

"Aunt Katniss, Uncle Peeta," she says. "How do you do it?"

"Do what," I say.

"All this energy, I mean I know where we are going is dangerous but I am actually excited to finally see the Capitol," she says.

Katniss lets out a laugh and looks at me.

"What? What's so funny?" says April.

"No," I say. "I did not act like that."

Katniss turns and looks at April.

"April, your Uncle here was the same way that you are the first time we went to the Capitol," says Katniss.

Both of them look at me, amazed that I could be so naive. It was an amazing time back then, I had only heard of what the Capitol looked like.

"Well you have to understand that I had never seen it, and well it was just exciting," I say.

"But not you, Aunt Katniss," says April. She comes and sits on the edge of our bed with her hands on her chin listening attentively.

"No, your Aunt was above it all, she couldn't be bothered by the little things like that," I say.

"Well you forget that we were going there to kill each other right," says Katniss hitting me on the knee.

I shake my head no.

"Nope, I already knew then, that I couldn't kill you," I say. "That is why Haymitch called me a fool."

"He did?" says Katniss. "When was this?"

"Remember when he tripped and fell into his own vomit?" I say.

Both Katniss and April squints their faces in disgust at the very mental image of that.

"How could I forget, we had to bath him," says Katniss.

"We? We sound like too many people, remember, you left me there with him, I had to bath him all by myself," I say.

"Well you told me to go," says Katniss.

"Well April, after I cleaned him up, he called me a fool, because he knew that I would hesitate and Katniss wouldn't," I say.

"Hesitate in what?" says Katniss. "In killing you?"

"Well, remember back then, we were going to kill each other," I say repeating her words.

"How do you do it?" asks April.

"What?" says Katniss.

"How do you stay in so much love," says April.

We look at each other, and smile. She grabs my hand and I place my hand on her cheek.

"Well there are two things," I say. "I have always loved this woman next to me, ever since we were both five years old."

She looks at me and leans in and kisses me.

"And the second thing?" says April.

"Well the second thing is knowing," I say, and begin to tickle her. She is caught off guard and starts to laugh uncomfortably. After she jumps up and looks at me.

"You have to know how many ribs the other has," I say.

She looks at me with a pout in her face, but after a couple of seconds she smiles and turns to April.

"Or in simpler terms, you have to be able to smile and laugh together," says Katniss.

"Even in arena?" says April. "I have seen videos and have heard the stories."

"Even there, see, when you can love someone like that, your intentions and your actions are because of that love. Understand?" I say.

She looks at us, smiling, and nods her head.

"Thanks," says April standing from the bed and comes and gives us both a kiss on our cheeks before walking outside.

Once the door closes she looks at me.

"So you are the fool?" says Katniss.

"Yeah, and I am glad to be," I say.

She moves over to me and places her head on my shoulder. We know the path to where we are going. It is the same place where they wanted to kill us. Every time we go to the Capitol, everyone wants to kill either her, or kill me.

We have been through two Games, where they wanted to kill us. We have been through the rebellion, and the taking of the Capitol, where we lost so many friends. Then to top it all off, we were brought here, to stand trial and fight for our right to live. I was shot there and finally left the Capitol wishing never to go back.

The train slows down and the announcement is the same. They have to refuel the train, because we are at the halfway mark.

"Want to walk outside?" I say.

"Actually, do you think that they have the same end car?" says Katniss.

"Only one way to find out," I say standing and lifting her up with me.

I grab my sketch book which is also my journal.

We walk out to the hallway and find that there are many more attendants in this train ride than what we had in the previous rides to the Capitol. From train car to train car, until we finally make it to the end car. To our delight we find that it is the same end car that we have always had.

We sit down on the red sofa. It is peaceful, and no one really bothers us here. I press the button the find the walls of the train disappears and all you can see is the forest behind us. The sunlight trickles in through the branches. The light is perfect, and the surrounding forest is perfect for a drawing.

I take out the sketch book and turning to her, I start to etch out the out lines of her face. She looks at me and makes a face.

"Well if you are going to do that face, then it will look beautiful in the frame in our house," I say.

She immediately stops and sticks out her tongue.

"That is it, hold that pose right there," I say. "It would look perfect for the entryway of our house by the lake," I say.

She laughs and turns her way.

"You have tons of sketches of me," she says without turning her face. "Why do you need to have more?"

"You know why," I say. "It is the same reason, why I love it when you sing, or back then when you and April sang the valley song. Remember that?"

She turns and in a moment of delight she says.

"Everyday you become more and more like the Peeta, I knew from before the end of the Quell. You are remembering more and more," she says.

"Well Doctor Aurellis says that it is you that help me heal," I say. "So, this right here, these drawings help me heal. So can I please sketch the one thing that I consider is the most beautiful in this world?"

She blushes and smiles.

"What about when I have more grey hairs, and more wrinkles? Would I still be the most beautiful?" she asks.

"Beauty I have learned is not in the ones sight, but in the sight of a blind man," I say. "You are beautiful not because of what you look like, but because I love you."

She grabs the sketch book and puts it on the floor. Touching the button the walls close in the end car. Standing she walks over to the door and places the electronic lock on it.

Once she turns around she moves towards me and when she is in front of me, pushes me gently down on the sofa. Lying on top of me she kisses me passionately, running her hands through my hair.

Her skin is so soft and warm. It reminds me of those times in the sleeping bag when we needed to keep warm. My hands run up and down her skin, gliding as if it riding on air. She begins to kiss me on my cheek and down my neck, following the burn scar that is lightly still visible.

The love is undeniable, the passion is unrelenting, and the only thing that stops us is the train jolt as it begins to move. We fall to the ground off the sofa; of course I fall first and hit the ground hard.

"Ouch," I say rubbing my elbow which is where I landed. She looks at me and all we can do is laugh at our misfortunes.

"Come here," she says and gives me a kiss on my elbow.

I grab her shirt and throw it to her.

"Thanks," she says and hands me my under shorts. Sitting on the sofa I put on my undershorts. She sits next to me, and this is a picture perfect situation, her in a t-shirt and her underwear, and me with no shirt and only my under shorts.

We continue to get dress and finally unlock the door and open the walls to see the sight before we get to the Capitol.

"Did you know that to get to the camp, back in the war, they had driven all day and then midway switch drivers and drive all night?" I say.

The comment causes her to be surprised at the drive of President Coin to have me there.

"She must have really hated me, or considered me such a threat," says Katniss.

"Yeah, but what she didn't know was that deep inside I could never do it," I say.

"Well not like you didn't try," she says reminding me of the Capitol street where we lost Boggs.

"Every once of my body, every strength that I had left was place in slowing my arm," I say.

She places her hand on my cheek, "I know."

"Something, I always wanted to ask, how did you pass your simulated combat situation?" says Katniss.

"I didn't," I say.

"What was your scenario?" she asks.

"Getting to the extraction point with a briefcase of plans for my squad commander," I say.

"That is it?" she asks,

The memory of it comes to mind. The apartment complex, the burning room, and the decision I had to make. The decision to either get to the extraction point with the briefcase or save her from a burning room.

"Well that is what I thought, but as I was getting to the end..." I say staring at the floor. I can feel the trembles and can still smell the smoke.

"That is when I heard you," I say.

"Me?" she says.

"Yeah, over the COMs, asking me for help," I say. "I knew that it couldn't have been you, I saw you leave a couple days prior. But that was the test, they kept telling me to finish the mission and that you weren't real."

"So you didn't finish the mission?" she says.

"I saw you trapped in a burning room, and as hard as I tried to break down the door, I couldn't," I say fighting the tears, but losing that battle as well.

"It is okay," she says grabbing my hand and placing it on her heart. "I am real, I wasn't there."

The reality of it, doesn't escape the fact that it felt real. The heat and the smoke were real. The screams were real enough that sometimes they haunt me, hearing her begging me to help her and me not being able to do it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

The train begins to slow down and there in the air is the same stench that we have come to know from the Capitol. Walking back through the hallway, I see that Haymitch is already out of his room.

"Wonder where he ran off to," I say.

"More than probably in the bar car," says Katniss.

The thought of putting our lives in his hands again is enough to put me in a cold sweat. Katniss sees this and grabs my hand, which snaps me back into reality.

"You and me," she says.

I nod and remember when it was that we said this. It was right after our first dance. We had sat down in a small table and everyone began to dance to music we never chose, and have the small trays of food that we never even tasted before, with some people that we would have never invited.

It reminds me of that party we once went to, and wanted so badly to get away from.

She leans in, and whispers, "want to get out of here?"

Turning and seeing all these people, everyone that came to wish us good luck.

"This would so totally upset Effie," I say with a big grin on my face. "Let's do it."

We both get up and slowly wait for the lights to dim enough for no one to see us leave. After about five minutes we walk out the back doors, and through the kitchen which is about to serve the cake.

"Wait, wait, wait," I say to Katniss. She turns around and comes back.

"Here taste this," I say grabbing a fork and cutting into a slice of cake.

She opens her mouth and tastes the cake that took me days to perfect and hours to bake.

She covers her mouth and makes a moaning sound.

"This is delicious," says Katniss.

We run out the kitchen and finally through some doors to the outside. The sun light is disappearing behind the trees and all I see if her. The dress that Cinna had created has captivated her beauty but not her essence. I don't think there is anything that can do that.

We walk to the nearby bench that is near a garden. No one is outside, and even the photographers are inside trying to get pictures of us. Everyone we know is inside the Mayor's hall, everyone except us.

We sit down on the bench.

"Katniss there is something that I have to tell you," I say.

"What?" she responds.

"We have been through it all and there is no one that I would rather go through the next part of our lives together than you," I say.

"You and me," she says. "It was something that my dad would tell me."

She pauses, the memory of her father begins to sink in.

"It was you and me against the world," she says. "And after he died, it was just me against it. I found someone in Gale that all we did was survive, and all we could do, is battle against dying, but in the district it became me and my sister against everything the district had thrown our way. Then I lost my sister and it was just me...it was just me, until you stood up for me in the Tribunal."

"Now, it has taken me a very long time, but, I now know that it is you and me against the world," she says.

I grab her hand and I look at her for the first time. She had let me in. I finally know when it was that she finally saw me as a person that would fight with her. I know what it is like to feel alone in this world. It was the thought that I had to fight every night in the tortures. They wanted to break me; they wanted to tell me that no one was coming for me, and that I was left an orphan in this world.

Now at this time as the train slows down approaching the place where they took everything from me, I know that at least one other person in this world would fight with me, until the end.

"You and me," I repeat back to her.

I grab the packs and we walk towards the sitting car. There I see April already with her pack adjusting her pack. Haymitch of course stumbles onto the sitting car and the door finally opens.

"My, my, my, what a colorful bunch. Welcome to the New Capitol, it has been a while."

"Hello, Effie," I say. "The years have definitely been kind."

"What a wonderful thing to say," says Effie. "Haymitch, I wish I could say the same thing about seeing you."

"What's that," says Haymitch. "You want a hug?"

The look on Effie's face is classic. It reminds me of that time in District Twelve when they were going to announce the tributes. I had always wondered about those two, and if all this banter could it be masking something else that we don't know about. It would be the truest definition of an odd couple.

Effie hands us sweaters with hoods and asks us to put them on before we step off the train.

The attendants take the bags and load them in the black vehicles. There are no reporters or any cameras as from what I can tell no one know of this mission. I am pretty sure that Plutarch is itching to leak it, so that they can bring cameras on the mission.

Walking through the platform, it seems rather cold and uninviting. The colors although bright and colorful, are missing the people. This train station is always not used as much because people that live in the Capitol hardly ever want to leave it.

The only officials that would leave to visit the districts are people who sit on the council. No one would question a train arriving to the Capitol, especially with black government vehicles waiting for them. They would however question Katniss and me arriving in the one place that we told them that we would never come back to.

Once inside the car, we each remove the sweaters and are taken through the streets of the Capitol.

"Just think the last time I was here, I was shot," I say looking outside the car window. "What is it, fifteen years? Everything looks the same, like a bubble preserving everything."

I feel her hand on my shoulder, which causes me to turn and see her.

"You okay," I say.

"Just a little nervous, I don't really like this place," says Katniss.

April just looks outside and stares like I did the first time we were here. It is a beautiful place to visit, if you weren't us. The drive is to the same place where we always go, the training center. Through the underground parking garage we are told that the second team had already arrived and the mission briefing will be in ten minutes.

"Second team?" says Katniss.

"Could be, Johanna, and Liam?" I respond.

We get into the elevator and are told that we are staying on the top three floors for the next three days.

Pressing the twelve the elevator shoots upwards.

"April you can stay in my old room," I say.

Once we are on our floor, the memories flood back. Cinna and Portia in the balcony, Effie upset about Katniss shooting the apple from the pig's mouth.

"Look," I say.

Katniss turns and sees the same ugly vase on the table by the entry.

"Can you remove this vase please," Katniss tells an attendant.

They remove the vase and we just smile about it. Once inside the room we only have time to drop our bags before a knock tells us that we have to get going. We all walk back to the sitting room and are told to go down the elevator to the fourth floor.

We all walk into the elevator and the number four lights up, once on the fourth floor, we see the hustle of attendants with packets and a large table where the sitting room use to be. It seems that they have removed the entire floor and created a sort of conference room there.

We all sit down and find that there are ten seats around with ten packets.

Plutarch greets us and asks us how we were doing.

"We are doing fine," says Katniss. I myself never have and never will trust the Gamemaker. He was after all the mastermind behind the failed attempt to rescue us from the arena. He was the reason half of us was left behind.

"Well we are glad to see that you brought April O'Connor, and I hear that Liam Odair is coming as well," says Plutarch. "They will make wonderful additions to the team."

Team? The way he says it, is enough to question it. We are told to sit, and there we see on the front of the packet.

'Star Squad 451'

Katniss looks at me and we know this implication. She grabs my hand, and I hear footsteps. Everything slows down as I see him walk by us. He nods his head in acknowledgment but continues until he sits in his chair. Gale Hawthorne sits only a couple of feet from us. We haven't seen each other since the wedding in District Twelve. His eyes still as Katniss, the two stare at each other, almost as if they are talking through their stares. The hard jaw line and the expressionless face, leads me to believe that Gale through his years in the service of the Capitol has become jaded, that or the fact that he lost Katniss is still affecting him.

"Hey sexy, gotta say the scars are definitely working," says Johanna in my ear. "Oh hey brainless, didn't see you there."

Leave it to Johanna Mason to always know how to make an entrance. She sits on a chair next to Gale Hawthorne. That is when time suddenly springs forward. I see Liam, Cressida, and Pollux all join us.

"You all know each other," says Plutarch. "But to those who do not know our newcomers we have April O'Connor from District Twelve, and Liam Odair from District Four."

"Odair," says Johanna. "You are Finnick's boy?"

He nods his head proudly.

"Hmm, seems like good genes run in the family," says Johanna.

This causes April to respond.

"What's it to you?" says April.

"Let me guess," says Johanna. "You are close to Katniss? Cause you react just like her."

"Same old Johanna, always trying to get into your head," says Katniss.

"Hey, it is hardwired into my system," says Johanna. "Which reminds me, where is Volts, is that the empty chair."

"Beetee, actually not part of this mission, however he will be providing the weapons for it," says Plutarch. "The empty chair is for our medic, who will be stationed in the hovercraft on-site."

Medic that is a first, we had never had one in our squad before. We were all taught and trained to be our own medics, and to know basic field medicine should we need to patch up a cut, or how to remove a bullet. This time around, seems that the Capitol is not taking any chances.

"She is running a little bit behind," says Plutarch. "As she collects all of your medical files and backgrounds."

We are all told to open the packets while we wait.

"The first site we will tackle is the most recent, the site of the 75th Hunger Games," says Plutarch. "As you can tell, the arena is located near District Four, so after the training, and briefing, you will be transported via hovercraft to the site where you will land just outside the arena."

The pictures of the arena, is almost like getting to look at the teacher's manual of a school book. It gives you exact locations and entryways of the arena for maintenance crews.

You will be entering through her," says Plutarch, and a hologram turns on in the center table. "This arena, was built so that there is a balance. Therefore in order to turn off the current defense system or kill switches, you will need to break up into two groups, four and four. The Mellarks in one, and Mason, Hawthorne you are in the other."

The map shows us the paths that we are to take and in which zone we are suppose to go into.

Of course the only two zones that we never ventured into, the Beast zone and the Insect zone, or at least that is what we all thought it was.

"Any clue on what is in these zones," Liam asks.

"Of course, if you would turn to the next pages, you will see the defense mechanisms," says Plutarch.

Turning the page, we see for the first time, the muttations that were in the beast zone. It looks like it is a cross between a lion and a bear. Strength and agility is its characteristics. Next to its characteristics is the likelihood of survival, which is currently on ten percent.

"Is the clock mechanism still in place," I say. "We would prefer not have to deal with these things if we did not have to."

"Peeta, that part of the information is unknown," says Plutarch. "Due to the damage to the arena, we would have to wait for giant wave section in order to see if it were to occur."

"Which means we would have to spend at least one night there in order to see," I say. "Is there any location where we can monitor it from a distance? Should the zone barriers be down and everything is mixed in."

"Only location, that we can see would be the center Cornucopia," says Johanna.

That does seem to be the safest location. So an entire day though in that place, how can anyone sleep. We would have to take shifts like we usually do. The strategy in my mind is going a mile a minute. The "what ifs" scenarios are all I can think about.

"The only downsize, is ammunition would have to be limited to small arms and manual weaponry," says Plutarch. "No explosive will be allowed, as it may detonate the nuclear devices. This brings me to our next point in this briefing, the location of the nuclear devices."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," says Gale. "The devices are below the Cornucopia?"

"Once the kill switches are turned on, then the team will evacuated from the arena, and the second team of nuclear scientists will be brought in to disarm it," says Plutarch. "Any there any other questions?"

The room is silent. After a couple of minutes, Plutarch dismisses us, telling us that we have weapons training tomorrow early morning that today is the day to go over the mission logs and learn the terrain. This is for all the ones that have not been in the arena, which is almost the entire team. The only ones who have been in the arena is Johanna, Katniss and I.

"The medic will be passing around today, to make sure that you are up to dates on your shots," says Plutarch.

We start to go upstairs until I see her hesitation.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" I say. "If not I don't mind giving you privacy."

She looks at me, and kisses me in front of him.

"That is why I love you," says Katniss.

I walk up to the elevator with April and Liam.

"Uncle Peeta who is that talking with Aunt Katniss?" asks April.

"An old friend of hers," I say. "Come on let's give them some privacy."

We get into the elevator and go upstairs to our floor. Once we are there, Liam and April walk towards the balcony. They hold hands as they walk outside. It has been fourteen years and these two little kids have grown up before our eyes. They are our age when we got married. With the relaxed travel restrictions, Liam would come visit April in District Twelve.

Can still remember the fishing trip we did with April and Katniss as a ruse to get her to surprise Liam in District Four. We did do fishing but who knows what the two did while in the district.

I walk upstairs to the roof, and finally when I am outside I can feel like the walls aren't as stuffy as they were downstairs. The garden seems to have been kept now and the wild flowers are definitely in bloom. I sit on the tree and just watch the day go by, trying to wrap my head around this.

With the exceptions of the three Victors, no one else has been in this arena. Thinking about it, in our arena only we have been there, not even Johanna. She might have been a mentor back then, but still, it is one thing to be a mentor and another to be a tribute.

I close my eyes and try and sleep just a little bit. Can still remember the day when we slept here, it was before the Quarter Quell, and no one came to get us. The wind just rocks me to sleep and I can tell that the night will bring colder wind. The Capitol has always had the fortune of near perfect weather; even the winters aren't as bad as it is in the Districts.

I feel a familiar warm hand on my hair caressing it. I smile and open my eyes. There I see her, smiling right back at me. She leans in and kisses me.

"How long have I been out?" I say.

"If you came up here after the briefing, you have been asleep for almost four hours," says Katniss.

"Everything okay," I say.

"No," she says. "But it will be, as long as I have you."

"You and me," I say.

She lies next to me, and holds me the way she always does when she goes to sleep.

"You and me," she repeats.

"Remember when we were up here, and I ask if we could live in the moment forever," I say.

"How could I forget, it was the day that I knew that I had feelings for you," she says.

"Really?" I say. "You never told me that."

"Well a lot was going on, with the Quell, and our families," she says. "I couldn't allow myself to dream, or to be happy. Well it was that way, until you asked me to just be with you in that moment forever. Then it was the time that I could let myself be happy."

"Are you still happy?" I say.

"I haven't stopped being happy when I am with you," she says.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" I say.

"No, don't think it would do any good. He is not the same, at least not the way I remembered him," says Katniss. "Come on, let's go eat."

I help her up on her feet, and we walk down the stairs to our floor. Once we are there, I can see the medical doctor has arrived to take our history. I don't know why but it seems oddly familiar.

That is when she turns around, and there in a full military uniform is Katniss's mother.

"Hi mom," I say.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

The day I got married to her daughter, Katniss's mother said that I could call her mom, if I ever felt comfortable enough. It was her way of letting me know that I am not an orphan in this world. It is a good feeling to know that you belong somewhere.

The years after that, we kept in touch we talked on the phone and she got to know me. It did take a while; after all, I didn't know what it was to have a mother who cared for me. Katniss would tell me about her before her father died.

"You should have seen her Peeta," says Katniss. "She was like happiness itself. All you had to do was get next to her, and you were instantly infected."

The way she said it, was like she missed it. It was like if she could see it again, it would be like a miracle.

"You know, you have that same effect," I say.

"I do not," she says.

"You may think that you are like say Haymitch, bitter and angry at the world, but I have seen it. Why do you think I am here?" I say. "I have been infected by you."

That day we were on our way with fishing poles in hand. I had never fished before in my life, but it was the only excuse that Katniss could come up with to get April to District Four. You should have how happy Katniss's mother sound to hear that we were coming to see her.

Walking in District Four, no one really knew us anymore, but oddly enough they knew April. Everyone wanted to know about the girl who stole Finnick Odair son's heart, when we got off the train station there already a crowd wanting to see her.

We had to become the decoys, so we went to the Market, while April snuck around the train. Walking into the fishing store, we had to make it seem like we came here for a reason.

"Let's go fishing," I say trying to come up with a story.

"Fishing?" says Katniss. "Have you ever fished before?"

"No," I say. "Is it hard?"

"Come on, I will teach you," says Katniss.

She goes over to the shop owner and asks to get three rods and all the gear. She even gets me a fisherman's hat that had all the different kind of hooks and fishing thingy.

We walk down the road, and see that the crowd has started to disperse when they don't see April. The day is cool, but warm, and you can smell the salt water coming in from the pier. Knocking on the door, of Katniss's mother house we wait there me and three rods, a goofy fishing hat, and Katniss holding a tackle box.

The door opens and there you see her mother. She sees us and wonders what is with the fishing gear.

"Well mom, wondering if you wanted to go fishing," I say.

She smiles and looks at Katniss.

"He called me mom," she says.

I can feel the warm on my cheeks and know that I must be blushing. She hugs me and helps me with the rods.

"Let's have breakfast first," says her mother.

I walk inside, and Katniss and her mother both hug as she walks in.

"No bags?" says her mother.

"No, we are only here for the day, but I promise next time we will stay longer," says Katniss.

We eat breakfast and finally she begins to ask us.

"So when am I going to be a grand mother?" she asks.

Katniss gives me a look, almost like she thinks I put her up to it, which I kind of did. Is it a good thing that she is already knows me? Trying to lie is also something that she has gotten good in detecting.

"What?" I say. "It wasn't me?"

"Like I don't know it is you who has called her and told her to mention it casually?" says Katniss.

Katniss's mother picks up the plates and walks back into the kitchen not wanting to be a part of this conversation.

I slide over to her.

"Come on, don't be mad," I say. "She was telling me how cute you were as a baby, and even had saved a picture to show me. She asked and I said that not right now."

"Mom?" she calls out.

"Yes?" she says popping in her head.

"You have a picture of me as a baby?" she asks.

"One of the few pictures that I was able to save," she says walking over to a closet and getting a box. She hands it to her and wipes her soapy hands on her dress.

Removing the lid of the box we start to see all these very old photographs or a smiling chubby baby.

"You were a very happy baby," I say.

She blushes and continues turning the pictures. They are many of Katniss, and her mother laughing and playing. This causes her mother to place a hand on her shoulder, and instead of moving away like she has done before, she lifts her hand and holds it there in her shoulder.

I see one that I immediately recognize. There in the mixture of pictures, I see the red plaid dress, the same smile, holding the hand of her father.

"This one was of Katniss going to her first day of school," says Katniss's mother.

I look at it, and smile, placing my thumb other her smile. I have seen this smile few times when we are together.

"Keep it," says Katniss's mother.

"Oh no, I couldn't," I say. "These are important to you."

"It seems like it is important to you as well," she says.

I accept only with the condition that I would request a copy of the picture through the Capitol so that I could give her the original.

Katniss asks if we are ever going to go fishing. It seems that she doesn't like people fighting over her. I place the picture in the sketch book and grab the poles.

"You coming?" she says to her mother.

"Think we can also invite Annie," she says. "It seems Liam has something important planned today and she is all alone.

We look at each other knowing the important plans of Liam Odair. It is a smile that we quickly explain as remembering the picture of her with the two pig tails.

Outside the road is less traveled towards Annie's house. She sits outside in a rocking chair just admiring the day.

We wave as we approach her house. She stands and invites us in.

"I could place a pot of tea if you want," says Annie.

"Actually," starts Katniss. "We wanted to know if you wanted to join us in fishing. My mother tells me that you know a good place to catch fish."

"You sure I won't impose?" says Annie. "It seems like it is more of a family outing."

"It is a family outing," I say. "And you are part of our family."

"Yes that is right," says Katniss.

We both grab her by the hands and take her with us.

"No questions, or objections," I say.

We walk towards a river that is supposedly a secret location according to Katniss's mother. It takes us twenty minutes to reach the place, which she takes the opportunity to ask us questions on how the new house is coming along.

"It is coming along well," says Katniss. "We build only in the spring and fall. The summer is too hot and the winter is well snowing."

It is surprising to both of us that Katniss's father took his wife when they were first married to that little house and actually proposed the same thing. Back then though it was considered against the law to live outside the fence line. It was actually him that decided against it.

"He took the job at the mine the next day," she says lowly. Although it happened years ago, it seems that it is still as fresh as if it happened yesterday.

"You know he never told me any of this," says Katniss.

"Not surprisingly, but the tree did this interesting thing, it is like the branches was lightly touching the water," she says as proof that she has been there.

Katniss looks at me, which I quickly dismiss.

"I never told her about that," I say.

I am as shock as she is. It means that one time when they were younger she went out to where we live today.

Once we are there in the river, we find a good spot to sit down and place the bait on the hooks. Annie you would have never guessed it, but she is an expert fisherman. Well she says that it was Finnick who really taught her how to fish.

We were there just fishing and talking about how things have changed and how things have stayed the same. That is when I notice that Katniss was smiling more, and laughing at the things that Liam would do and how he is more like his father and he never even met him.

"It is funny, but that is the way Finnick was, everything he did affected people whether they wanted to or not," says Annie. "With me, it was different, he was different. Sometimes..."

"I know," I say. "Did I ever tell you that he told me that every year he would look for a pearl for you?"

Annie smiles.

"It was our thing, he said that he was going to find one, because I found one for him," says Annie. "Hey by the way when is April going to bring Liam back?"

Katniss begins to try to explain, but we can't come up with anything that is believable.

"Oh Katniss, we have no secrets, me and my son Liam," says Annie. "Plus he is an awful liar, and I mean bad, he starts to smile too much. Just like his father."

"We came to visit, and she tagged along to see Liam," I say.

"It is okay, young love, we all know about it," says Annie.

It is all I can think of now, years later from this moment. It is how love was tested in adversity. Thinking about it truly, we all went through something to test it, could it be that this is their test, this mission.

The tightness on my hand and I know that Katniss is shock to see her here.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" says Katniss.

"I was asked to be the onsite medic," she says.

"This isn't safe, where we are going, it isn't safe," says Katniss.

Her mother raises her hand and touches her on her cheek. It is the same way Katniss does it to me.

"I should have gone the last time, but was too scared," she says. "This time I want to be in the same place that my kids are."

She opens her arms and we both walk into them. It is as warm as Katniss's embrace and as loving.

"She will be safe," I say. "She will be on the hovercraft."

All of the sudden I feel two more bodies hugging us, and look back to see both Liam and April holding onto us. Our very much unique family, held together not by blood, but by love.

We all walk to the dining room and her mother has all of our medical folders. Mines as you could guess are a lot thicker than everyone else. It makes me laugh though; I wouldn't be surprise if these medical evaluations aren't because of me.

"Now who would like to be first," says Katniss mother.

"I volunteer to be last, since I am the one that has the most medical history," I say.

Everyone smiles and we begin the process of taking blood and heart rate. They take the breathing capacity of a person and even do a reflex test. After about a couple of hours everyone has come and gone.

Katniss is there sitting on a chair waiting for me.

"Alright Peeta, your turn," she says.

I stand and walk over to her. Sitting down we begin with a sight test and find everything is normal.

"When was your last episode?" she asks.

Katniss stands and grabs her book.

"Three days ago, was a mild one. His BP chart is here," says Katniss as she hands her mother a notebook.

Her mother smiles and grabs the very detailed notebook on breathing patterns, heart beats, blood pressure. It is funny, but Katniss truly became my doctor when we are alone. She hands her mother the transmitter which connects to a portable computer. It begins to read the data and it tells us vitals and location, which she compares to Katniss's notes.

Her mother nods to Katniss and she moves over to me coming behind me.

"Peeta," she says. "I need you to concentrate on me right now. Mom is going to take some blood. Keep your eyes on me."

She grabs my hands and I can feel the poke of a needle. The shaking begins and I focus my eyes on her, the memory of being restrained and being stabbed in the chest, causing my breathing to shallow. It causes my eye sight to blur.

"Peeta," she says. "Focus on my voice. Talk to me."

"Got...to...say...your...voice...sounds...beautiful," I say trying to focus.

"Good good, keep on talking to me, what does my ring say," says Katniss. "What one word did you put there?"

"Reason," I say as my muscles tense and then finally relax.

I can feel the episode starting to dissipate. She starts to rub my forearms and then finally she hugs me. Her warm embrace brings a smile to me, and allows me to fully calm down.

After a couple of minutes, her mother comes over to us and tells us that the blood work came back normal. Well normal within my standards, but not normal compared to another person.

"You have to maintain yourself calm, especially where we are going," says her mother. "The transmitters have been calibrated and the battery has been changed."

"Okay," says Katniss.

Her mother hands her the transmitter which she places around her neck. Then she turns to me.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"Little tired," I say. "Might just take a nap...want to join me?"

"I can't, but my daughter I think is available," says her mother trying to lighten

We both lightly chuckle as Katniss helps me up. It amazes her mom on how well we know each other and how she takes care of me. Walking by April she asks if I was okay.

"Yes," says Katniss. "He is just a little tired; we are going to take a little nap before lunch."

The door to our room slides open and walking inside she helps me remove my shoes before helping me into the bed.

"You know, I haven't told you how much I love you today," I say.

She smiles and says that she knows that I love her. Removing the shirt, she sees the transmitter and the locket, and opens the locket. In there are the pictures of Katniss, her mother and Prim. On the other side of the locket is the picture of Katniss as a little girl. It was a copy of the original picture that Katniss's mother had.

She takes off her boots and curls up to me. We talk about the mission and how we think Snow brought the nuclear devices without anyone knowing.

"You know after the first couple days in District Thirteen, I had them take me to District Twelve," says Katniss.

"What for," I say softy knowing that my body is beginning to shut down. Soon enough my eyes will close and I will be asleep until she wakes me up. It seems that sleep reboots my body.

"I wanted to see it with my own eyes," says Katniss. "I couldn't believe it was gone, until I saw it with my own eyes."

That is something that I could relate to, believing only something that you can see and touch. Taking the words of other only as far as you can throw it.

"Everything was gone Peeta," she says. "The only thing that they left standing was the Victor's village."

Just think that if they would have stayed in my house, they would have been safe. It is something that runs through my mind as my eyes begin to close.

"Peeta," she says. "In our study there it was the only evidence that I know Snow was there. In a vase on a table was a single white rose."

"He just left it there for you?" I say. "What did it mean?"

"I don't know, and I wasn't going to stay there to find out. I ran out grabbing some stuff before the rebels picked me up."

"Do you think that is when they had brought in the bomb," I ask.

"It makes sense," she says. "It was a couple weeks after the escape. What if the bombing was to get everyone to run away from the district?"

It makes sense I think to myself. I can feel my body drifting off. Before I am completely asleep I feel the soft kiss on my lips.

"We will finish this when you get up," she whispers.

"Don't go," I mumble.

"I am not going anywhere," I can barely hear.

The night sky envelopes me as I begin to hear crickets. The air is thick and humid as the stars begin to come in focus. Something seems oddly familiar about this place. Walking towards the nearby tree, I place my hand on it and can feel the rubber feeling of the bark.

That is when I see it, the ring, it is gone, and what is worst, the scar on my hand is gone.

I turn around quickly and can see in the distance someone running. It almost looks like Johanna Mason.

"Where am I?" I ask myself.

That is when I hear it, the crack of the lightning bolt, and the whole sky going purple, and then blue, before it bursts into million of shards of glasses.

The bombs bursting above, as the sounds all but disappear. It seems that my memories of the Quarter Quell arena are still active. I am actually reliving the last moment before I was taken prisoner by the Capitol

In fact I can feel the vibrations of something landing. I move quickly and quietly to the nearest tree before I see the flash lights, as they litter my field of vision.

"They are coming for me," I say as I begin to try and run. I find however that it is easier said than done. My body would not react, almost as if the blast has caused me to lose whatever control of my own body that I had left.

I can start to hear the muffle sounds of people running and can see the lights jumping up and down.

"Only a few more minutes," I say.

Taking out the knife, the sound slowly comes back to my ears.

"Have you secured the package?" I can hear someone ask over a radio.

"The package is en route and will be secured in a couple of minutes," they say.

That is what I am to the Capitol, a package, not even a human being. The thought brings anger my mind.

That is when I see it. The lights weren't running towards me but away from me. The package that they were referring to wasn't me, but the nuclear device. It was en route to its location.

If I had know back then what I had known know, it would have been easier to know what the manual over ride looks like. Instead all I know is the feel of the next couple of minutes as they finally reach me.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"They are coming," I say to myself. I can see people running through the forest, flash lights making their way closer and closer. I can feel the shaking of my body. I can still make it if I run.

"Don't leave without me," I say as I begin to run. That is when I hear a click below my feet and the explosion propels me through the air. As I fall to the ground the impact wakes me up and I see her there, I feel her holding me.

"Hey hey hey...it is okay, it was a dream," she says.

I look around not knowing where I am.

"You are in Capitol, we are here for a mission," she says softly.

The body does not know it was an dream, it feels the pain, the heart feels the abandonment. The thought of being left behind; it brought back all those emotions that happened over fifteen years ago.

"I was left behind," I say. "They were coming for me, and I couldn't move."

She holds me as I put my head on her chest. Running her hands through my hair, she tries to calm me down, by telling me that I survived it, that I am stronger because of it. Looking back, have I really survived if I am still suffering from the effects of it?

"Survived?" I say. "Sometimes I wonder if I truly left that place. It was horrible, and yet no matter the years I still have nightmares about it. When Katniss, will we finally be free of them?"

"The nightmares?" she asks.

I nod yes, knowing already the answer to the question but wanting some type of hope for it. It doesn't happen very often, and I guess being back in this place has triggered the memories to pop back into my mind.

"Peeta, I am here, and we will always have each other, but the nightmares will not just go away. It is why we are the way we are now." she says.

She grabs a small towel that was folded on the night stand and wipes away the sweat from my brow.

"Mom, passed by and gave me this just in case you spiked a fever," she says handing me a glass of water.

I drink the glass and finally can begin to feel like I was back in control.

"Feeling better?" she says.

"A little," I say. "I would love to shoot a little, keeps my mind off things, and gives me the illusion of control."

She stands, looks at me, and tells me hold on a minute as she walks out of the room. After about a couple of minutes she walks in and takes me by the hand.

"Come, got approval to go downstairs to get some shooting," she says.

It doesn't surprise me that she would still have influence here in the Capitol; after all she is the Mockingjay. She is however amazing, just thinking about the things that I had asked for and how she has always been able to come through.

"Did I tell you how wonderful you are," I say.

She turns and says no, that I haven't.

"How were you able to get approval for this," I ask.

"Well I guess you were not the only one that wanted to get some training in," she says. "Someone had already asked, so Plutarch got our old training room opened and place the weapons that we are going to use for the mission."

Guess there are some people that get the same type of itch. We get in the elevator and start to go downstairs. It would be great to be able to shoot with her; it reminds me of our hunting trips. Those are the most relaxing as we are free to hunt, and like I said the time before, the air smells crisper.

Once downstairs I can hear the thump of arrows hitting a target. Katniss walks ahead of me to the training room. Once she peeks in, she quickly turns around and tells me that we should come back. The fact that she is so quick, allows me to know who is in there without her even telling me.

"It is alright," I say. "I don't care if he is there. I didn't have an issue with him then and I don't have an issue now."

She grabs my hand.

"It isn't you that I am concern with," says Katniss.

The comment makes me think. Is this what he was talking about with her? I had always thought it was something different.

"It will be fine," I say walking into the training room. There I see Gale with a bow firing arrows at a target that is a good distance away. He pulls the string back and let's goes of an arrow.

He turns around and gives me a nod, which I respond in kind. The station of bows has all kinds of bows, in shapes and sizes. My hand picks up one that is light to the touch; it is a dark wood color, the string you can tell that it was recently tied so it is extra taunt.

Picking up five arrows I walk back to his spot.

"Learned how to shoot?" he says.

I place one arrow in the notch pulling back the string and letting it fly. It flies through the air and hits a target.

"Have to, only way to eat," I respond.

The face is one of surprise and disdain, surprised probably because I can shoot, but disdain because the eating comment means that I have been hunting with Katniss.

He looks at Katniss which is about a couple feet from me. Her face is expressionless and very much the same as when we were back in the games. Although we do not have to prove ourselves to other Victors or Gamemakers, that same feeling is the same.

With no respond by either of us, he walks further back. He then calls two targets that are higher and farther and smaller.

"See if you can eat," he says letting go of one and then quickly grabbing another arrow and letting it go. Both arrows hit their mark. It is no lie; Gale is still a very good archer.

"Gale," says Katniss. "Don't"

"What Catnip," says Gale. "Only want to know how good he is."

"Honestly I have been through two Games, many Victors, torture of the Capitol, and a war both inside myself and outside, I only came here right now to relax, not to prove anything," I say walking towards another part of the center.

That is when I hear it. It is low, but I can still hear it.

"Just as I thought," he says.

Pulling an arrow I turn and let fly, hitting the same target that he hit. I place the bow down on the stand.

"If you are going to say something, make sure to enunciate, that I learned is a sign a respect," I say.

He walks towards me and up close so that we are eye to eye.

Katniss grabs me and gets in between us.

"I am tired of this," she yells at Gale. "It has been almost what fifteen years, can you just accept it?"

He turns and walks away. Placing the bow on the stand, he holds onto the stand not wanting to turn around.

She turns around, looks me straight in the eyes.

"Can you give me a couple of minutes," she says to me.

Everything in me, wants to say no, but as much as I want, I remember that he was her closet friend.

"Okay," I say.

She walks over to him. He turns around and they begin to talk lowly but still animated. After a couple of seconds he raises his voice.

"You asked me first and I should have gone," he says. "If I did then she would still be alive, and you wouldn't hate me."

"Gale," she says. "She is gone, nothing can change that. I don't hate you for it; I hate the Capitol for taking her from me."

"He," he says pointing at me. "He is me don't you realize that; you have replaced me with a substitute. He is living my life."

She turns and looks at me. Could it be true, could I just be a mere substitute of the life she had always wanted with Gale. I have never thought of that, it is something that causes me to turn and begin to walk away.

"Did I not mean anything to you, that I could be easily replaced, easily forgotten," he says. I stop and turn around, looking at her with her head hang low.

She turns her eyes, fighting back the tears, fighting back the hurt. I don't know how she is able but she keeps herself from falling apart.

"Didn't you at least love me?" he says. "Or was that all a game?"

I make a couple of steps towards her, and Katniss lifts a hand up and tells me that she is okay. She turns to him and with a clear voice.

"Things happened, we cannot go back, I love him," she says. "Can't you understand that? Don't you want me to be happy?"

I can hear her asking this in a serious tone.

"You know what?" she says. "I don't really care if you want me to be happy. I only care about what he thinks."

I hear the footsteps coming after me, until I feel her hand on my shoulder.

"Sorry about that," she says giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Still want to shoot?"

I smile and look down at her hands.

"I rather do what you want to do," I say.

"Hmm," she says. "I have an idea."

The opens slide open and just like that, she leaves Gale in the training room. It may have been one of the things that I have not expected but it happened. The elevator arrives and the door opens. She presses the elevator to the kitchen.

"What do you have in mind, Mrs. Mellark," I say.

"Well I am hungry, Mr. Mellark," she says. "Thought we could get something to eat."

Once we are the kitchen floor, the tables bring back the faces of the other Victors. Those that are no longer here and those we wish we could forget. The door to the kitchen is locked; however Katniss decides to unlock it.

"What do you know it is unlocked," she says with a sly look.

"You know we are not kids anymore," I say.

"Well they need us, don't think they would mind us breaking into a kitchen," she says.

The size of this kitchen is daunting. If my father were alive to see this he would definitely have the same look on his face.

"Katniss, the kitchen is as big as our entire house," I say.

She rushes over to the freezers and starts to open boxes. The selection is this frozen meat here, frozen chicken there, vegetables, even some potatoes, the next freezer and then the one after that. Finally the third one is the one we were looking for as she finds a cheesecake.

"See if you can find some spoons," she says.

I walk around looking in drawers and finding nothing. It seems that this kitchen is used as storage and not as an active kitchen.

"Anything?" she asks.

Finally I see two wooden spoons that are used for mixing. I lift them up and shrug my shoulders.

"Better than nothing, if you didn't find anything we would have to use our hands," she say sitting down on the counter with the spoons.

The smiles on her face, the way she is kicking her feet back and forth, you would have never have guessed that just a couple of minutes ago she had an uncomfortable conversation with her good friend.

She sits there grabbing a piece with her wooden spoon and points the spoon towards me. I open my mouth and she places the cheesecake in my mouth. The taste is delicious, lemon, with a hint of strawberry.

"No, thas deelious," I say.

She giggles, "what did you say?"

Swallowing the cheesecake, I take a breath and say.

"Sorry, now that's delicious."

She smiles and I can see the cheesecake on the corners of her mouth. I grab the little bit from the corner of her mouth with my finger and lick with off.

"So," I say.

"Not right now," she says looking down. "Please Peeta?"

"I want to help you," I say. "Only way is if you let me, but I won't push, just want you to know that I am here when you are ready."

She nods and lets out a sniffle.

"Oh crap," she says. "A tear fell in the cheesecake."

I grab my spoon and dig where it fell. Putting it in my mouth, she looks up, still fighting the emotions, pushing the pain down inside. One of the strongest women I know stands before, still broken even if the years had already past. There are only a handful of people that can penetrate as deep as he can.

"That is exactly what it needed, a little bit more salt," I say.

She stands putting her spoon down and walks over to me. Her hands holding each, almost if she unclasps them, she would just fall into a million pieces. People might say that to give that kind of power to a person is weak, but it shows me that she is truly compassionate.

She places her head on my chest all I can do is wrap my arms around her. This is all it took, and there I can hear the sniffing. The more we stand there the more she breaks down.

It was years later, but knowing the Gale wasn't the cause of the death of Prim, still doesn't help the pain that he has inflicted on her. She misses him, and I know that deep down inside, she misses him. It is a fact that I had to come to terms with.

To be ignorant about the fact that he was a big part of her life would be like placing your head in the sand. We tell each everything though, when we are each ready. We don't push and we don't question, we just let each other heal. The only thing that we both know is that we really love each other.

It takes a couple of minutes before she could speak.

"I was mad at him for such a long time," she says. "I had always thought it was his fault."

"I know," I say.

"That day before my trial, he came and told me that it wasn't him," she says. "I didn't believe him, he had become the thing I hated the most, a Capitol."

She moves away from me and leans on the counter, arms crossed looking straight at me.

"He told me that the only reason he took the job was because he needed the resources of the Capitol, in order to get the answers on the death of Prim," she continues. "He gave me his investigation notes. Where it wasn't him, that the bombs were Beetee's."

"That is why that day when we saw him," I say.

She nods and says "I was so mad, because I allowed myself to think the worst of him. If you hadn't stopped me, I would have killed him."

She starts to shake a little bit; painful memories have that effect sometimes.

"Things had changed though," I said. She lifts her hand to my cheek. "I realized just how deeply I loved the boy with the bread."

I smile and kiss her hand.

"I had to tell him, but he wouldn't listen," she said. "He kept on, and I could see that I was hurting him. Even today, years later, he is angry because well I fell in love with another person that wasn't him."

"I know it must be hard, to lose someone like this, he was a good friend of yours," I say.

She nods and can see that the thought of losing him, is enough to pain that she cannot hide.

"I have already lost him, it is just taking me this long to finally let him go," she says.

"Well you brought me back when I thought I was lost," I say. "We just need to think of a way to bring him back too."

She smiles.

"Always the optimist," she says.

"If you could bring me back from the mess that I was in," I say. "I think we stand a very good chance."

I place my hand out. She grabs it and we walk out of the kitchen. Once we are outside I see April there in the cafeteria.

"Uncle Peeta, Aunt Katniss," she says. "There you are."

"April, where you looking for us?" says Katniss.

"More like who isn't looking for you," she says. "There has been a development; everyone has been called back to the conference room."

We walk with her to the elevator and up to the fourth floor. Once there we see people running around getting military boxes closed. Equipment is being stowed away. Something has happened.

"Well thank you for gracing us with your presence," says Haymitch. "Your cousin really knows how to mess everything up."

The implications of her cousin and I know that Gale has done something that has compromised the mission.

"What has he done?" says Katniss.

"He and Johanna grabbed a hovercraft and equipment and left to the site of the Quarter Quell," says Plutarch. "They have compromised the entire operation. Our timetable has been pushed up and the remaining team will leave within the hour."

She turns and makes a bee line for the elevator. I don't know if she is angry or concerned. I start to walk to follow her, when she punches the elevator door so hard that the door actually moves.

"Yeah, not worried," I say out loud.

The doors open and she walks in. I walk behind her as the doors close. Once inside the elevator she starts to pace around.

"Katniss..." I start.

She lifts a hand up and points at the camera in the elevator. Do you think it is on? Why would they have cameras in the elevator? Was that their before the fall of the old Capitol? I can see though that she is upset, so I wait for her to be the one to initiate the conversation.

Once we are up on our floor and the door closes, we are finally alone.

"Out of all the stupidest... most idiotic," she starts.

"I know," I say.

"I mean what was he thinking," she says. "You know what? He wasn't thinking."

She stomps on the floor.

"When I get my hands on her," she says. "I am going to...I mean I cannot wait to hear whose brainless idea this was."

She walks towards the room and starts to pack the essentials. I start to put on our specially made uniforms; they are made of this material called Kevlar. I hear it is supposedly very strong and can withstand a good amount. It is black, with stripes of brown and green; probably to hide within the plants should we need to. Putting on my boots I look up and see her, already slipping her boots, mumbling something, obviously still fuming about the situation. Next to her is my pack and as I look down to tie my boots, I feel the brunt force of something hit me on the head. Looking down I see my pack, I am guessing she tossed me the pack and which of course I was not ready for.

"Ouch," I say.

She turns and finally is snapped back into reality.

"Oh Peeta, I am sorry," she says.

"That is okay," I say rubbing my face. "You are upset."

"More than upset," she corrects me. "You heard what they did. They can get themselves killed, and in the process probably detonate one of those things and then what? We would have to live underground in Thriteen all over again."

She finally sits on the edge of the bed allowing her time to calm down.

I sit next to her and I rub her arm.

"Don't worry, we will get there, they have a what, thirty forty minute head start," I say. "I am pretty sure that we will be airborne in no time."

After finishing packing we go into the hallway and see the military personnel carrying large crates with the word weapons on the side. They make it down the hall and through the door that leads to the roof.

I walk over to the room next door and knock. The door slides open and I see Liam and April ready to go.

"You guys ready?" I ask.

"We are," says Liam.

They get their packs and walk out to the hallway. Katniss checks the packs and finally tell them to make it up to the roof. They both nod and head down the hall.

I see Katniss's mother walking towards us with a medical pack and a tackle box. I ask to carry the tackle box. She refuses and says that she can handle it.

The elevator dings and I see both Pollux and Cressida getting out of the elevator. They seem serious and have been able to get matching military uniforms.

"You guys ready?" I say.

They both nod and walk down the hallway. I put my hand in my pocket, and can feel the smoothness of the locket. I pull it out and place the chain over my neck and then under my shirt.

Picking up her pack she walks ahead of me through the door at the end of the hall and up the stairs. Once we open the outside door, we see the hovercraft already in the air with the ladder hanging down.

She gets to the base of the stairs and looks back.

"I will be fine," I say. After all she knows how much I love being in hovercrafts. She turns and begins to climb and I am right behind her.

She gets into the craft and grabs the packs from me. She turns back and helps me in. The door slides closed and the pilot is told over the radio to head for specific coordinates, she acknowledges and in takes only a second before the ship starts to move. We are heading back to the Quarter Quell, to save not only the people around the arena but Gale and Johanna.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"Close your eyes," I hear her say.

It is the only thing I could do to not focus on the fact that I am on a hovercraft, much like the ones used to transport us to the games, and also heading to the place where I was captured and tortured.

"Katniss, I feel like I am losing it," I say.

"You remember that time we were in that car in District Seven?" she asks.

"When?" I ask.

"That time, when it rained," she says. "The fact that the car was all metal, so you could hear every single rain drop. Remember?"

"Yes," I say.

"You told me to close my eyes and to focus on the rain drops, to see if I could hear where they landed," she says.

"Too bad it isn't raining," I say.

"Well can you remember it though," she says.

"Yes," I say.

"Describe it for me, because I am having a hard time picturing it," she says.

"Well we were in an old car that the Mayor kept telling us was from before the dark days. It was during our Victory Tour, and well it started to rain right before we were suppose to take the customary tour of the district," I say. "So Effie suggested a car ride through the district seeing how the Mayor was making such a fuss about the car."

I feel a slight drop and want to open my eyes.

"Nope," she says putting her hand on my eyelids. "You haven't finished telling me about that day."

I smile. "Well, we got into the car, and with the rain and the tour guide talking, all you could do is just stare out of the window."

The next thing, I never told her.

"The car stopped and the tour guide went out," I said. "We were in a warehouse district, and with the car off, you could hear every drop that hit the top of the car. So we played a game to see if we could find out where the next drop would land."

I could hear her lean in.

"Thank you by the way for shielding me from seeing that poor old man getting beaten up by the Mayor's guards," she says.

"How..." I say opening my eyes, and seeing that everyone is already unbuckling their seat belt. We have landed, and the whole story about the memory was just to keep my mind distracted enough not to cause an episode.

"Very good job," says Katniss's mother.

"He does to me sometimes, a little misdirection," she responds.

"Okay, everyone, visors on," the military pilot says.

We are each handed a helmet type equipment and once we put it on, a map comes on the visor and a voice comes on.

"Hunger Game Arena 75," the computerized voice comes on. A beeping sound comes on, and then vital signs come on the visor. Everything you could want to know about a person.

They open the weapon cases with each our names and we see small firearms, knives, spears, and bows with specific type arrows, normal arrows and red arrows.

I take out my two knives, one small and another long, and place them in their holders. The long one strapped on my thigh and the small one on my belt. There is one small caliber gun holstered on my chest. There is a quiver of arrows over my shoulder, sixteen in total, eight regular and eight red. Finally I grab a black bow that seems small for my taste, but with a flip of a wrist, the bow unfolds and expands to a large recurve bow that glows like Katniss's old bow.

"You look very snappy," I hear her say.

I turn and see her there. Hair back in a single braid, the same way she uses to place it back in the arena. Her bow over her shoulder, she taps it on her shoulder.

"Didn't think I would see my old bow from the war," she says.

Her quiver has more arrows that mines. In fact upon examining it closely there are two electronic type quivers where only one arrow sticks out from each quiver. She places one small knife on her boot and finally a small firearm on her hip.

We start to walk outside and find that we had landed on the beach of the Cornucopia. The sounds of birds are the first thing that I hear. I can still see the broken dome where it exploded. I tap the button on the visor and as I turned my head around, each section, each slice is labeled.

"Much better than my leaf," I say to Katniss.

She smiles and tells me, "well without your leaf we would have never survived back then."

A voice interrupts my thought process.

"So this is the Quarter Quell, not exactly your vacation home."

I turn around and find that Pollux is smiling.

"Hey, Peeta," says Pollux through a machine.

"Pollux?" I say confused. "How?"

"Beetee created something that take the thoughts of a person and project it through this speaker, although it is still very experimental, he has the only working prototype," says Cressida.

"This is wonderful Pollux," says Katniss coming over and saying hello for the first time. "There is so much to talk about."

"Yes, we have lotsss tooo," says Pollux before he hits a small machine. "Sorry, it still has some bugs."

Katniss stops and places a hand on her ear.

"Yes, I am here," she says. It must be talking over the radio, although it seems that it is only for her. It seems fitting that she would be made point for our team, as she was the same before after Boggs died.

"Understood," she says.

We walk outside before she stops.

"Okay listen up everyone," she says. "Tap the visor twice."

We do and then a red and yellow dot appears on the map.

"Yellow dot is where the first team landed their hovercraft. Red dot is the location of the primary switch," she says. "I have been told to go to the primary and complete the mission."

She grabs a paper and pencil and scribbles something, and hands it to me.

"Need a leaf of the yellow and red."

I nod, and start to quickly sketch the map of the current location and out position. Once I get the map done, I quickly do another one, placing it in my boot.

I hand her the other map and she places it inside her pocket.

"Pack up we leave in ten," she says walking around.

I follow her and tap her on the shoulder.

"Peeta," she says while signaling to me that we are doing the opposite.

I nod.

She removes the visor, takes out the knife and opens up the visor and takes out a small paper and then turns off a switch. She asks for mines which I give it to her. She goes through the same and then finally gives it to me.

"Okay," she says. "Quickly... in my pack Haymitch had left a note, a procedure on how to turn off the tracker and allows a private mode in our visors."

I look down at the visor and smile.

"He is still keeping secrets, still?" I say.

"He said that he left a note in your pack too. Have you checked?" she says.

I nod my head no.

"The code that you had was to tap your visor and then a private message that Haymitch had Beetee place in our visors only," she says.

"Obviously we are not going to the primary," I say.

"Obviously," she says. "We have a day, before we have to get to the primary site. So it means though we would have to move through the night if we want to get to them."

"Got any ideas on how to move through the night?" I say.

"These little things are the newest thing in military tech," she says tapping her visor. "Has night vision, and anyone that has the visor on, glows in a different color so that we know where we are."

We round up the team. Katniss's mother hands us each a med pack.

"If you encounter anything that you need medical assistance get to the shore and I will be there," she says.

Everyone starts to place the med pack on them, when her mother approaches us.

"You bring her back," she says.

I nod and she smiles quickly.

Coming back, we grab everything and jump in the water swimming for the shore. Can only remember that day so many years ago, having to trust Finnick because I had never learned how to swim.

I wonder if he saw us now, would he have agreed for his son to have come with us. Honestly, I think he would have shielded him from this, just like Sae wanted to do for April.

Of course, out of all of us, Liam and Katniss are the strongest swimmers of the group. They make it to the shore before we can, and are already getting our bearings before we go out.

"Direction is east-northeast about two clicks, if we hurry we can make it to the site before nightfall," she says.

Liam and April look at the map confused on the location and the objectives that we are ignoring. Pollux and Cressida knowing the way Katniss operates is already getting dry and taking out their weapons.

"In our squad, we never leave anyone behind," she says.

They nod, and we all prepare to scan for any movement. It seems that the zone they landed was the blood zone, and looking up we do not see any clouds.

"Point," says Katniss. "Peeta, April, cover the rear, Liam,Cressida, and Pollux, flank."

We all nod and remove our weapons. Katniss walks over to me, and we both look at each other.

"Ready?" she ask.

"Shoot straight," I tell her.

I unfold the bow and notch one arrow in the bow string. Cressida and Pollux take out their semi automatic weapons. Everything quiets down, almost as of the forest is anticipating something.

I take a deep breathe and begin to walk into the blood zone. The incline is something that we could never get use to, so we approach the zone in a cross pattern. There is a radio transmission from Plutarch which we all silence. It is more than likely trying to get us to aim for the primary.

We are trekking quickly and find no animals or birds or any kind. The trees all look the same in the sunlight, and of course they bring back the memory of the water that inside them. We make it a point to leave a trail as this time we do not have people trying to hunt us down.

"Eyes sharp," I tell April.

She has an arrow in her bow and is amazing how she moves like Katniss. Her hair she has it in a baseball cap with a pony tail sticking out.

The visor continues to beep of an incoming transmission which everyone ignores. The plan is to make it to the hovercraft and if the zone activates hide inside it and wait it out. We have enough meal packs to get us through the day.

In a second I hear a bow string released and look that April has taken down one of those tree rats that we had back in the Games. She removes the arrow, wipes down the blood off the arrow and places it inside the game bag that she brought before continuing walking backwards.

We take one break in between the trek. This is where Katniss finally takes the incoming transmission.

"Yes," she says.

She turns and begins to walk away from the group.

"I understand the severity of this mission, but understand this, we do not leave anyone behind, I made that mistake once," she says turning around and looking at me. Of course she means me, and leaving me behind back in the Quarter Quell. This time after years of hunting and coming into her own, her answers are more forceful and direct. "Look, I don't care about the mission; my main concern is the safety of our people. So if you would excuse me, we have to get going before nightfall."

She turns it off and lets out a grunt of frustration.

"You okay?" I say.

"They don't realize that we need the entire team in order to complete this mission," she says.

"I am sorry," I say.

I sit on a rock and take out the water bottle. Trying to remove the cap she notices something that I had already known the small trembles in my hand.

She looks at me.

"It is nothing, just nerves," I say.

"It is not nothing, Peeta," she says. She taps on the visor and sees that the secondary site locator has been removed. She takes out the paper map and gets our bearings.

"Took them long enough," I say.

"Well they must know that we would have thought of that already," she says.

"How far?" I ask.

"We still have probably another good two hours," she says. "Then we can make camp."

"Okay," I say beginning to rub my hand as she removes the cap off the water bottle and hands it back to me. She places her hand on my cheek and I close my eyes wanting to just escape where we are.

I look down and I can't help it.

"What," she says sitting down next to me.

"Just thinking about this place, and how I lost you," I say. "That is what worries me."

"You won't lose me," she says as she grabs my hand interlacing the fingers, until she shows me the rings. "You ready to get going? Don't want to be caught outside in the rain."

I get up and see the squad is looking at us.

"Was it like this before?" says April to Cressida.

"You mean in the war?" she says. "Well not so much, but they had their moments."

"I remember that night in the tunnel," says Pollux through the visor. "The way she would watch him sleep, not like she was guarding him, but more like she was worried about him. That is when I knew."

"No, the moment was when she was told him his favorite color back in camp," says Cressida.

"What do they mean Uncle Peeta," says April.

"Come on, we have only three hours to make it to the hovercraft before this section activates," I say. "I will tell you all about it inside when we are safe."

They all groan and I can see Katniss looking at me with those eyes.

"Which way," I say turning and catching her.

She picks up the location and gets walking in that direction. We pick up the pace seeing how the sun is quickly hiding behind the trees. I see Katniss taking out an old compass and pointing it to the trees. I remember seeing it a couple of times back in District Twelve.

It was during the summer when we first ventured into the forest after we had gotten married. We usually just go by time and not by distance. It is all about giving ourselves enough time to get back to either the district fence or to our house by the lake.

That day we went a little too far and were in a place that even Katniss didn't recognize. We stood there both of us confused turning around and seeing what seems where the same trees.

"What do we do?" I ask.

She looks around and finally says.

"We are going to sleep in the trees," she says taking out the rope.

Looking up at the trees, I remember how great that plan happened in the Games.

She walks around some trees, looking for the perfect tree. Coming to an old oak tree she knocks on the trunk and smiles.

"This one," she says. "Can you climb up to that branch up about twenty feet?"

Looking up at where she is pointing at, I can see that it is a climb, but I nod and she places the rope on my shoulder.

"Once you are up wait for me," she says.

I place my hands on the little crevices of the trunk, and start to climb the tree. About fifteen feet up I look down and can see that she is placing her traps on the ground to let us know if anything would be approaching us.

I sit at the branch twenty feet up the old oak wood tree. Looking down I can see that Katniss is already scaling the tree. Of course she reaches the branch a lot quicker than I did. Once she below she tells me to stand as she gets on the same branch. She then tells me to straddle the branch as she does the same. She picks up her feet and tells me to lift my feet to her thighs.

"Pass me the rope," she says.

I hand her the rope which she uses to tie both of my feet around the branch and around her. Then I lean back and she leans back on me.

"Comfy?" I say.

"Not really, but hold on let me try something," she says digging in her pant pockets for something. After a couple of seconds she pulls out an old compass which she opens and points looking for a specific location.

"There," she says. "That way is the district."

She rubs the compass as trying to remember some old memory.

"It was my fathers," she says. "It is one of the things that he would give me when he would go to the mine. He told me that he would always come back for it."

She closes it and I can tell that she is remembering her father.

"Still waiting for him to get it back from me," she says.

"I know what we can do," I say. "Where was it that District Twelve is located?"

She opens the compass and points it toward the district.

"That way," she says.

I grab her hand and lift it directly up until we see a bright star in the sky. I let go of her hand and point at the star.

"There," I say. "Do you see that star? That would be your father's star. He would be there looking at you from above. So if you can follow that star you could also find your way home."

She grabs my hand and holds it in the moonlight.

"Now I am comfy," she says holding my hand on her thigh. "Now I can go asleep."

She place her head on my chest and finally I kiss her head and she lets out a big sigh and we both close our eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Memories always keep me grounded. They haven't always been the most reliable, but I trust Katniss when she tells me if it happened or not.

Every five to ten minutes she takes out the compass and compares it to the paper map that I handed to her. After a while, Cressida asks the question.

"Why not turn on the visor map," she says.

"The secondary mission objective has been removed, they are trying to get us to the primary mission objective," says Katniss.

"Old habits die hard," I say. "Plutarch being the gamemarker and trying to get to go to a specific place, or to do a specific thing."

I feel a drop fall on my arm. My eyes widen as I look and see it is bright red.

"Katniss the zone is activating," I yell out.

She turns around and waves us to make a dash for the hovercraft that has just come into view. Everyone makes a run for it. I grab April who was covering our rear.

"No need, run," I yell at her. She digs into the ground and starts to make a run for it. I see Katniss there waiting for me by tree. I see a couple more dots of blood on her skin, and know that it is beginning.

"Run Katniss," I say to her.

"No," she says shaking her head. "Won't leave you behind."

She told me once that she felt so guilty for leaving me behind when we ran from the mutts. She grabs my hand and we start to run. In front of us is Liam and April running, Liam behind April. Cressida and Pollux are almost at the hovercraft as I see the root systems of the trees are sticking up.

We jump over the roots and find that one catches my foot as I trip and fall on the ground. Katniss stops and helps me up.

"Come on," she says. I see her and I can see the blood color rain covering her shirt and mines. The forest begins to blur. It must be the effects of the rain.

They made it, I say to myself as I see Cressida and Pollux go into the hovercraft. They pull Liam and April inside, as they wave us to hurry up.

My legs begin to slow down and I push myself to continue walking at least. I grab her hand which is now drenched in blood and slippery. My breathing is heavy and my eyes start to blur and come into focus. We pull each other to the hovercraft that is now a couple of feet away.

Finally I see Liam's hand which I reach out to. Once our hands meet, he violently pulls us into the ship. We fall on the ground with a loud thump.

"Quick, get their clothes off of them," someone yells out.

I turn and can barely see her there still holding my hand, her eyes closed. That is when I close my eyes and can feel myself drifting off.

I look around and find a familiar sensation as the electrical current freezes my muscles. I see her being taken by Capitol soldiers head hangs low.

Where am I? I look around and find the smooth concrete walls of the detention center. No, it can't be, it isn't possible.

I feel the violent tensing of my body from the electrical charges. They last longer and longer between each interval. The door opens and there I see him. Those glasses are unmistakable, that evil smile cuts through me a quickly as I put up my defenses.

"Been a long time Peeta, where have you been hiding?" he says.

The face of my tormentor stands before me and all I can do is close my eyes mumbling, this isn't real, this isn't real.

"No no, this is very real," he says. "Open your eyes; I have a surprise for you."

As I open my eyes, I see it in the dim lights of the cell, the sharp point, the green color, the plunger in his fingers. The vial is the same as when I was tortured all these years ago.

"Turn on the electrical field," he says. I brace for it as I know what is coming. The current grabs me and holds me there motionless, not even my screams are able to get out. All I see is him placing the point of the needle on my heart. The cold sharp tip is laid there looking for the perfect spot. He stands up the needle and with all my strength I try to stop him, but it is no use.

The stab on my chest and all of the sudden everyone is around me.

"Peeta," someone says. "It is okay, it is okay, you are in the hovercraft. You and Katniss passed out when you got inside.

I look around and see them all there with the exception of Katniss.

"Where," I try to say. "Where is Katniss?"

"Uncle Peeta, we can't get her to wake up," says Liam. "It took an hour to get you to wake up."

I sit up and can remember the time we say Beetee and Wiress drenched in this red liquid, they were in a catatonic phase and even then it took a while for Beetee to come back.

My entire body feels like the energy had been sapped and I am running on empty. I see her a couple feet away from me, and I make my way over to her. The pain in my muscles is so severe that I grimace as I slide over to her.

She lies there, motionless, but I can see her chest rise and fall as she takes a breath. I grab her hand and rub it with my other. Leaning in to her ear, I whisper.

"Katniss," I say. "It is time to wake up. We still have a lot to do, still have so much to see."

She lays there, no reaction to what I just said. I kiss her on her forehead. Her head is a lot warmer than usual. Her body must be fighting a fever. The feeling of not being able to do anything is enough to break me. I can still remember seeing her there in the Capitol hospital after the fire bomb sent us both flying.

"Uncle Peeta is Aunt Katniss going to be okay," says April concerned.

She sits there looking at me wishing that everything would go back to the moment that we had in the train. I never wanted this for them, to steal their innocence with the Games, with the violence of the old Capitol.

"You remember those stories right? She is the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion. She is a fighter April, she will not go so easily," I say reassuring her. The faces of everyone else look at me, unsure of what our next step is going to be.

Her compassion has driven her here to the hovercraft that Gale and Johanna took without permission. They caused us to come here, and I don't know if I would have done the same thing if she wasn't here.

How could someone still wish to have someone in their lives after they caused them so much pain? It is what really defines her. She had always told me that she is a person who doesn't forget nor forgives, but I think of me, and how she could be with me. I did try to kill her, not just once, but twice. She still stood and waited for me, she still knew that I was in there. She told me that she had hope that the boy that gave her the bread was still in there.

It took me a while and a lot of fighting but I finally can feel that I am almost the same. The pain of it though still haunts me, how I was unable to stop my hands from placing them around her neck. It still brings tears to my face. She can't go, I think to myself.

I turn around and look at her there.

"Come on, sweety," I say. "I need you to open up your eyes."

It can't be like this after all we have been through. If she hadn't waited for me, she would have made it before. If only I hadn't tripped and fell. Why do I cause pain and hurt to everyone that I touch.

I fix her hair slowly caressing her face. It reminds me of the time she was hurt in the cave, all because of me. The pain of seeing her there so helpless, is enough to engulf me in sadness.

I grab her hand and place it on my cheek. It is still warm to the touch. I have to trust that she is still in there, fighting to come back to me.

"You can't leave me," I say lowly. "It is you and me..."

The feeling of losing her is too much. We had finally made it to a place where we were happy. We made it to where we could trust each other. The times we spent in the forest, we have finally found each other. I cannot bear to think that of a world that does not include her.

"Against the world," I hear her say hoarsely.

I open my eyes, and see her eyes have opened. She tries to muster a smile but is too weak to do so. I smile but can see that she it still frail and in pain.

"Hey hey hey," I say. "You gave us a big scare. Sorry you gave me a big scare."

She rubs my cheek with her hand. It is our way of telling the other that we are okay, and to not worry.

"Trying to grow it out?" she says finally cracking a smile.

"Well you did say you liked it," I say following her humor. She smiles and I catch her hand which feels very weak. I rub it in my hands, and although her eyes are open, I still feel the fear of losing her, choking my throat.

She tries to sit up, but is clearly unable to.

"Easy, easy," I say. "Liam, Pollux, help her sit up."

They both come and grab her by the arms, and help her sit up. She lets out an anguish cry and I know that she got the brunt of the blood rain.

"Did we ever find out what that was, and how to counteract it?" I say looking back at them.

"Speaking with Plutarch over the COMs he wasn't too happy that we had disobeyed the President," says Cressida. "Especially by the way she talked to him."

I turn around and look at her. Remembering the conversation that she had over the COMs, it leaves me with a shock face. Leave it to Katniss to argue with the President of Panem. To the one person that holds all the cards. It doesn't surprise me though she did upset Snow and then Coin.

"The President? That is who you were talking to?" I say.

She shrugs it off, as if she was arguing with buttercup.

"He doesn't understand loyalty," she says. "Paylor did, she understood war."

I turn back to Cressida, caring more for her well being than the politics of war.

"Did she tell you what it was?" I ask again.

"A strong neurotoxin that freezes the muscles," says Cressida. "Its effects are short term and you should have a free range of motion in a half hour or so.

Relief is something that I feel, although the guilt of causing it in the first place is still there.

"Next time," I say grabbing her hand. "If I tell you to run, you run. No arguments. I can't be the reason...I mean how could I live with myself."

"I am sorry," she says. "I couldn't leave you."

She leans in and I do as well, just there staring deep into her eyes.

"Did I tell you today..." I start to say.

"No, but I already know," she says. "You know that I..."

"Yes, I suspect I do," I say.

She starts to move her arms with more control. It seems like the fog; the fact that all we needed to do was to remove the clothes so that it didn't penetrate our skin and do more damage.

You can still hear the rain outside, so it hasn't been an hour yet. April brings us some clean clothes that they found in the hovercraft. Funny that it is Gale's and Johanna's, and the only thing that we can assume is that they went out in their clothes that they were wearing in the Capitol.

The hovercraft is very simple and militarized. There are only a couple boxes there that are empty, more than likely it would be weapons and food. The atmosphere is more relaxed than what it was a couple minutes ago. They all sit with their backs to the wall looking at us, looking for direction.

Looking at the shirt, I can see his name etched in the arm.

'Hawthorne'

I slip it on and can see that Katniss is still too weak to put on the shirt. I walk over and help her place her shirt on. Once we are fully clothed, I stand and get the guys to help her get up. She still has to rest on top of the wall of the hovercraft, but at least she is getting stronger.

Once we get comfortable they hand us some dry food that was in our packs. The taste is horrible, enough to make you want to throw up. The after effect of the rain I suppose, it reminds me though of the cave.

"What I wouldn't get for some of your soup," I say smiling.

"You know what?" she begins. "I agree. This tastes awful."

The rain drops lessen and we all look to each other as to wonder if the end of the zone is near. We all start to get ready for the trek outside.

"What's the plan?" says Liam.

"We find their trail and follow it." I say.

"Uncle, from what I have learned he hunted with Aunt Katniss, what if we can't find his trial?" asks April.

There it is the pink elephant in the room. Everyone had to be asking the same question. Why would he leave, I mean what would cause him to leave? If he doesn't want to be found, I doubt we would find him.

Katniss nicely says.

"We will find the trail."

"But Aunt," she refutes.

"We will find it," she states a little bit more firm. "April, we will find it."

The emotion is still there, it is still raw. The anger that she showed, is only fueled by the fact that we almost died because of him.

I stand, a little wobbly, but still under control. I walk over to her, holding onto the wall as support. Once I am there I stick out my hand. She looks at it, a little unsure.

"What if you can't support my weight?" she says.

"Come on," I say.

She slowly sticks out her hand and as soon as the tips of our hands meet, she slides it in more comfortably. I brace myself and lift her up, until she is standing in front of me.

"Can you walk?" I say.

She nods.

We slowly walk to the front of the hovercraft and close the door.

"What?" she says.

"Are you okay?" I say.

"Yes," she says frustrated.

"Katniss, why are you so angry," I say.

She sits down and looks out the window. Obviously she does not want to talk about it. I sit down next to her; she looks at me and knows that we promised each other that we wouldn't keep anything from each other. It was the way that we were finally healed.

"I mean, we are out here..." she starts. "You almost...and I almost, and for what, obviously he left because of what happened. I am mad at myself for still caring..."

"Look, we will find him," I say. "I know you are worried, he means a lot to you."

She looks at me, and I know that although it was years ago, she will always care about Gale. I really don't know how to explain it, but although I know that she loves me, and wants to be with me, I have to accept the fact that she cared for Gale back when I wasn't there, back when we were just kids.

"We will find him," I say to reassure her.

"How do you know?" she says.

"Because," I say. "Well because you found me and didn't give up on me."

She looks outside and sees that the rain is clearing up. I reach for a button and turn on the wipers to clear the windshield. You can tell that the sunlight is quickly disappearing and then where would we sleep. Is it safe to sleep in an inactive zone? What if the animals are freed to roam through the zones but the environmental are still restricted?

I can tell that she is looking at me, so I turn my face as our eyes meet. Those beautiful grey eyes that can steal my thoughts and keep me hostage all day.

"Why are you so good to me," she asks. "When I did nothing to deserve it?"

"I am only trying to do what is right," I say. "If it was me leading this group, I don't know if I would have gone after him."

"I know you would, even against everything inside of you," she says.

"How do you know?" I say. "When I really don't know myself."

She looks at me, almost like she knows something about me that I don't know.

"Because you have too much of your father in you," she says. "Who else would continue to trade honorably with the man who stole the woman of his dreams?"

The thought brings me to a memory that I haven't thought of. It was when I was younger. I can still remember my father trading with Katniss's father. It was the right thing to do, he would tell me years later when I asked him.

"But he married the woman that you love," I say.

He smiles as he kneads the dough on the prep table.

"Well love, has you do things that do not make sense to everyone, only to the one who does it," he says. "If I truly loved her, and I do, I would want her to be happy above everything. Me giving him the right deal is allowing her to live and be happy."

Looking at her, I smile.

"Do you really think so?" I ask.

"Hmm hmm," she says. "You have a lot of great qualities from him. Our children would be lucky to learn them."

The words that have escaped her mouth are almost as if a dream. She quickly recovers.

"If we were to have any children," she says.

I grab her hand and smile, kissing it.

"Maybe someday," I say.

There a door knock, and I stand to open it. The strength in my muscles is definitely coming back, and I can see Katniss is standing much quicker than before. There stands April with a concern look on her face. Katniss knows that she meant well and that she feels awful because of it.

"April, I am sorry about before," says Katniss.

She smiles and responds. "It is okay, I know you are under a lot of stress."

Everyone is putting on their packs and picking up their weapons. We join in and begin to get mentally prepared for the trek. Pollux turns on his visor and checks outside conditions.

"All normal," he says. "No rain."

Pressing the button to unlock, the door slides open and there the forest looks eerily quiet. We start to make our way out, one by one. This time Liam is taking point as Katniss is still recovering from the neurotoxin.

We stop at the nearby path and stoop down. She touches the ground and smiles. Turning around she looks at me.

"Tracks," she says "Heading that way, no more than a couple of hours."

Seems like the blood rain isn't like regular rain, it seems to only affect people and animals. It doesn't wash away any trails or stick to any foliage. It is like it never happened, although my muscles sure remember it quite well.

We are walking as quickly as we can. The plan is to reach the kill switch and see if Gale and Johanna are there. If they are not, we will trek down to the beach to avoid the insects of that zone.

Walking along the tree line we look at the sun slowly descend below the trees. The electronic map would be useful if it wasn't tainted by the blood rain.

I stop, stand from my crouch position and look up, as I hear something oddly familiar. It is almost like a dog who hears a sound that only he hears it. I look ahead and I see Katniss doing the same thing, looking around trying to catch where it is coming from. Everyone else is still in their crouch position walking until they start to notice us standing.

We both hear it again and now we both start to walk towards it. I can hear her, doing the same thing that I am doing right now. It comes with years of hunting, you get use to the sounds of your partner removing an arrow from sheath that sliding sound that the shaft makes on the sheath. The unique vibrating sound the string makes as an arrow finds the notch on the string.

Everyone follows slowly behind us, not really questioning where we are going but trusting us enough.

A sharp snap and before they can even react, Katniss and I have an arrow drawn pointing in the same direction. Finally the different tones the string makes as you pull back the arrow.

"Really...you taught him our call signal," says a voice questioning.


	11. Chapter 11

Part II

The Arena of Ashes

Chapter Eleven

She stands there tense without movement. From the level of concentration that I see in her eyes, poised there still with the arrow ready to fly, I can tell that inside of her is a war happening. It is something that I know all so well. She can either be consumed by anger or embraced by forgiveness.

For weeks after I was rescued from the Detention Center the war was unrelenting, the emotions raw and without filter. I was so angry that I had lost everything that I allowed to blind me. The deeper you go, the harder it is to come back. I think that most of the episodes were fueled by the grief that I felt. I couldn't mourn the way I was supposing to. Probably the lost of her friendship was never mourned and therefore resentment grew deep.

It was her that brought me back from the abyss of hatred that I was chained in. I didn't think after what I had become that she could ever love me. I had already given in, I had already accepted it. It wasn't until she came in that day after the wedding of Annie and Finnick, that I could even begin to hope. My mind and my heart destined to be mortal enemies, battled for control, one saying that she never cared for me, and the other longing to be with her.

Her fight is one in the same. She knew this boy, trusted him with who she loved the most. She trusted him with her sister Prim. When she left, she felt a need to honor their bond, and now that her sister is gone, their bond is no longer there. How do you bring back the trust that they once had, if her sister is gone.

The battle could be more intense and have a higher toll in the body than mine was the cuts deep deeper when it is someone who has seen you at your weakest.

Walking over to her, I can see the pain in her eyes.

"Katniss," I say softly trying to get her to look in my eyes. Her focus is unshaken, her resolve unwavering, if she doesn't respond she could easily let go of the arrow and let it accomplish what is designed for. Would she mourn? I failed in my test; I wrapped my hands around her neck, when I should have embraced her. I don't want her to live her life with the shame that comes after. I know that she has long forgiven me for it, said it wasn't my fault. That it was the conditioning of the Capitol, but even to this day, I still feel responsible for it, still feel the guilt of it. I don't think that would ever go away.

Her eyes finally unfocused and looks at mines. She can see the worry in my eyes, and in my voice.

"You know..." she starts to explain.

It is reasonable to make excuses for anger, especially when it is justified. It would have been justified to be angry at him, for not letting it go, for leaving and putting us all in danger, but at the end, what good is holding onto that if at the end you don't even recognize yourself.

I can still remember those days in the hospital of District Thirteen, when I would look at the mirror the eyes would be the same but I couldn't see what my father did.

I don't want her to lose herself, like I did. I reach out to her. She looks at me and finally I say to her.

"I know, but Katniss, you are not him," I say. "Don't let yourself be consumed by it."

I reach up and she sees me, and slowly lowers the bow. The brush moves and then there he is, exactly in the direction that the arrow was pointing. He brushes his hair back and then smiles.

The anger that I feel is enough to take a step towards him. I feel a hand stop me, and then another one. I look back and see Katniss and April holding each shoulder.

"He isn't worth it," says April.

Finally she steps towards him, and looks up to him and without hesitation she strikes him on his cheek. She turns around looks at us, and says, "pack up, we leave in ten minutes."

He rubs his jaw and catches the two visors that Katniss throws at him.

"Think you can manage to wait until we are in the other site to turn on kill switch?" she yells back.

"Think I can manage," he yells back.

We turn and walk back to the shore. I see her put on her visor and turn on the communication.

"We have made contact with secondary team and en route to the shore," she says. "It was necessary in order to obtain confirmation of secondary kill switch. ETA to the shore is thirty minutes."

She taps the visor and finally sits on a rock. I look back and see the team walking behind us.

"Give us a minute," I say.

They stop and turn around, while I walk up to her. She is there making sure that she has everything in her pack. I crouch down and stop her hands.

"I am okay," she says.

I look at her hand and can see the red area that surely will bruise tomorrow. It was the first time that I had seen her hit someone in about fourteen years. She winches once I touch it. I touch the bones and find that my military training is still there in my memory.

"We got to get some ice on it," I say. "Doesn't feel like you broke anything."

"Got to admit it felt kind of good," she says with a smile.

I grab the little pouch the Katniss's mother gave each of us. Opening it up, I see some bandages, some burn ointment, a syringe with that medicine that Katniss used to help me back in the arena, and finally a small white spray can, which the doctors use to nub an area before making any incisions.

I grab the can.

"Now you would have to use your gun instead of the bow," I say. "No way you can hold it with your hand swelling up. Good thing we took that class back then about shooting with your weak hand."

I pause and think about it.

"Real or not real?" I say. "The class."

She smiles. It has been a while since my memory was fuzzy. In the first couple years of our marriage I would keep her up with list and list of things that I needed clarification on. I guess the smile is because I am still depending on her to clear up some things.

"Real," she says.

I let out a sigh of relief and spray her hand. The can gets cold, and she starts to move her fingers more easily.

"It is weird, I see my fingers moving and I know that I am telling my fingers to move, but I can't feel them," she says.

Reminds me of the times when I can still feel my foot that is no longer there. It happens sometimes, and I have to check by looking for my artificial leg. Once I find it, I really don't know if it is relief I feel to know that it did happen and I did lose my leg, or relief because at the end, I ended up with the woman of my dreams.

Wrapping her hand with a bandage I press it in trying to suppress the swelling, but not cut off the circulation. She looks at the work I did and gives a nod of approval.

"Seems like you have hands of a healer as well," she says. "Alright we have to pick up the pace to make it to the shore before night fall. I for one do not want to spend a night in this jungle."

The walk is quicker when you don't have to track anyone and know your destination. Looking through the visor I see the other two of our team has turned on their locators, however I doubt that they would actually wear them.

We make it to the beach and I can see that Katniss's mother is already there waiting for us. She waves us and tells us that she saw a zone of a giant wave. It gives us some sort of relief that the other zones are still operation; it also means that the water came from only one zone and not floods any other.

"Katniss, you hand," she says looking at the bandages. She takes off the bandage slowly and smells the palm. She realizes the spray was used and looks to me for answers.

From over her shoulder I see Katniss nod no, and so I say, "when running from the blood rain, she must have banged it when we were thrown into the hovercraft."

She removes a small machine and turns it on. She stands there moving the machine over her hand I can see the bones of her hand.

"No broken bones," her mother says.

A small injection is given to her palm and she tell us that the swelling we be gone in two or so. We unpack some sleep gear.

I grab our old clothes and walk over to the water. Dumping it in the water I let it soak and can see the red liquid separate from the clothes. After a couple of minutes I grab it and start to scrub it.

I hear her walk up behind me.

"Think I am tired of being 'Hawthorne'," I say jokingly.

"I know what you mean, don't think I like being 'Mason' either," she says stooping down and scrubbing the clothes.

"How is your hand," I say.

"It still stings, but at least I can feel it," she says.

"Why didn't you let me hit him," I say. "Was really looking forward to it."

"Needed one of us to be level headed," she says looking at me.

That is true, who knows if one punch would cause an episode. After all this is the same guy who caused some of my problems to begin with.

"Remember the last time we were in this exact spot?" I say looking up at the now clearly defined moon. Probably it wasn't the exact spot, but pretty close to here was the place where we kissed on the beach under the moonlight.

She blushes at the fact that I still remember this spot.

"Couldn't really forget, or did you forget the night in District Four?" she says.

"Nope and I don't think Effie does either," I say. "District Four I mean, this beach, heck I think all of Panem remembers that night."

The cameras that are everywhere would video tape us every minute of every day of our lives here in the arena. I wonder though. What would stop Plutarch from turning them all on?

"You don't think?" she says looking around realizing the same thing.

"I doubt it, the mission was classified, it would have to be approved by the President," I say, "And I doubt he would do such a thing, especially if it meant causing a mass hysteria in the districts. I mean I wouldn't want them to know..."

I stand and cup my hand.

"That their district is only a couple hundred yards from a nuclear device hidden in the arena," I shout. "I mean it would cause unrest and we wouldn't want that."

I smile and she does too.

"There, if they were taping, or broadcasting live, that would make them think twice about invading into our privacy," I say.

She kisses me.

"Thanks," she says. "Makes it easier to sleep when you know no one is watching."

We pick up our old clothes and ring out the excess water, before placing them to dry out in the night.

Liam and the rest of them had started a fire and are roasting some of the early catch, April shot. We sit next to them and look at a familiar sight.

"Tree rat on a stick," says Katniss. "Don't know which is worst, this or the umm meals they packed for us."

We make a watch schedule with two of us every two hours. Liam and April take the first watch, which we tell them to watch for any movement coming from the zones and if they hear anything to trust their instincts.

We lie there in the sand of the arena, where most of us died the last time. The thoughts of Finnick, Mags, and Wiress play through my mind, nightmares that haunt my mind. It is enough to wake me up every half hour.

There are times when I see them there smiling and talking to each other. It is like looking a mirror of how we first started. They have a real chance, no games, no war, no Capitol insisting on something that they do not even comprehend.

I think about it, and I wonder if we didn't have the Games, would have ended up together, probably not. The words of my father remind me of the lesson of true love, to wish happiness even if the happiness is not with you. He loved her mother, and never was able to tell her, or be with her. He never had any regret that I can see, but wished her all the happiness in this world.

The hours pass by and I see her there sleeping, or trying to anyways. I can sometimes see her face begin to tense as if in pain, and know that she is probably seeing this arena when we were younger. She opens her eyes and sees that my eyes are trained on hers.

"Can't sleep," I ask.

She nods no.

"Me neither, keep thinking about the last time we were here," I say.

"I am sorry," she says.

"Katniss, for what?" I say.

"For leaving you here, that is why I couldn't leave you in the blood rain," she says.

It is a thought that I had never realized. It must have been something that she had come to terms with.

"We go through it all," she says. "Together."

She sits up and turns around to see Cressida, and Pollux. They have been on shift for about an hour and a half. I sit up and look at them.

"If you guys want, we can take over, can't really sleep," I say.

They nod stand and walk over to the camp fire. They both lie down and like that we are on shift. At first all we do is just sit there together watching the jungle. She just sits there, and I can't get over the last thing that she said.

"You know, it hurts me to see you in pain," I say.

She turns to me and knows that I mean what I said.

"I know," she says. "We are each others weaknesses. I can't imagine what you went through. It was what kept me awake in night back in District Thirteen."

"I still remember seeing you there in a pool of blood," I say. "It keeps me awake now."

"I promised myself that no matter what happened, that I wouldn't leave you," she says. "So you are just going to have to live with it.

The tone of her voice is of an ultimatum.

"Okay," I say softly. "I will have to live with it."

She looks down the coastline, and I do the same.

"You hear something?" I ask.

She shakes her head. Then her eyes train on April and Liam there are lying there on the sand.

"Remember when we were like this," I say.

"Yes, I think we are still like this, don't you?" she says.

"I like to think so, everyday I find something new about you, and fall in love with you all over again." I say. She moves over to me and puts her head on my shoulder. She reaches down and grabs my hand.

I look at it and find that the swelling has gone down drastically.

"Looks better," I say.

She looks and nods yes. A couple minutes past and I feel a tap on my thigh. Looking down at Katniss I see her pointing towards then Liam and April. They both lie there Liam holding onto April like a blanket on a cool winter day.

"Remember when we first met them," she says. "The little boy that wanted to be on your shoulder just so that his airplane could go as far and high as possible."

I do remember that. He would always run behind his mother in the beginning. That was the norm back then, we would come to visit Katniss's mother and then eat dinner over at Annie's house. It wasn't until that day that he finally came around.

"You know I can make this piece of paper fly and swim," I say out loud. He comes over and asks me how. I grab a piece of paper and folded it into an airplane. He looked at it and told me that it wouldn't fly. I can still see the look on his face when I let go of that paper airplane and it flew through the house.

"I remember the two little pig tails of April bouncing up and down, as you were teaching her how to dance," I say. "Remember that day?"

It was one of those days that snow kept us inside. All you could really do is just enjoy each others company. Sae and her grand daughter April had made their way to our house the night before as it was forecasted to be too harsh for the little old woman to stay by herself in the Seam.

"You know back when I was younger, we would dance in the old Hobb, after all no hunter could go into the forest as all the game would hide in their homes," says Sae. "I could still here it, the music and the laughter."

She lets out a deep sigh. It had been years since the Hobb was burnt down by the old Capitol. The new government gave every family the right to trade and sell, so there was no need to rebuild it, since we could do it legally.

"Well we can still dance," says Katniss running to a closet and finding an old megaphone. She looked to me and told me to start to wind it up while she finds a dancing partner.

She put her thumb on her lips and looks around at her choices, an older woman that couldn't really move all that quickly, a man who was missing a leg, or finally a little girl in pig tails. Not much thought in this choice.

"Hey April, you want to dance with me?" she says.

"I don't know how," she says shyly.

"Well it is something we are going to have to fix now, isn't it?" she says with a smile. She tells her to get on her feet and just move like she does.

"It was at that moment," I start to say and then stop. This conversation never ends the way I would like, even though we have every once in a while.

"At that moment what," she says.

I let out a sigh and tell her anyways.

"It was at that moment that I knew you would make a great mother," I say.

She looks away from me, and up at the moon. It is almost the same reaction I get whenever I bring it up. She is always so fearful of what our children would have to deal with that she always shuts down when I bring it up.

It is a strong defense, although the Capitol is no longer hosting any sort of games, she would always tell me that it could change. Something could happen and all of the sudden we would be back to the way it was. She is fearful that the very first children they would target would be the children of the one who brought down the Capitol.

It is a valid argument. After all, before this Capitol, before the Games, before the Dark Days, there was no rebellion, no war. Something happened along the way, the government changed and all of the sudden, we were prisoners in our own homes. It didn't happen over night, it gradually occurred. Who's to say that the wheels haven't already begun to turn for another rebellion and the return of the Games?

This time though, I don't know what has changed. It could be the same reason why she said yes back in the roof top garden of the Training Center, but she turns to me, places a soft hand on my cheek, looks me in the eyes and says very softly.

"Okay."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The greatest gift she gave me was her love. It was the one thing that I had always wanted. To feel loved by her, and to feel wanted. That is why I dreamt of a life with her, ever since I was five.

She gave me a reason to live, a reason to matter, a reason to fight. After everything in her heart she gave me the one thing I needed since the end of the war, she gave me a home. It is enough for me, to live my life with her and only her, but I want to give her the same thing, the same thing that she lost.

Children do that, or at least that is what I saw in my father. It was the only thing that made sense, after losing the one he loved. He once told me that all of his sons was what finally made him complete, it filled a void in his heart that he didn't know possible.

My only hope is that a child of her own would help her with the sorrow that I feel coming from her. She may think that she hides it well, even when I ask what is wrong she says nothing. But I know that that there is sadness in her eyes that even now as I look into them is enough to pierce my heart.

"Okay?" I repeat.

Her hand is still on my cheek as she rubs it with her thumb. She smiles ever so innocently, as she nods.

"I think that we could build a swing set in front of our home," she says.

I smile, and we embrace. The last time we were here we kissed, finally allowed ourselves to love each other, and now we have decided to have a child of our own. The thought of bringing a child into this world with the woman that I am hopelessly in love with brings a new level of protection.

"Did I tell you," I start to say.

"I love you too," she says.

"Thank you, I love you too, but what I wanted to say was that did I tell you what a wonderful mother you will be," I say.

"You really think so, I mean I am so nervous because I don't want to fail them," she says.

"You won't," I say.

The last comment comes from the first time I brought up the idea of having children. We had just finished the bedroom in the house by the lake. We spent months collecting the correct type of woods and even requested nails from the Capitol slowly as to not attract attention.

"How does it look," I say looking up at the ceiling. "A little better than the bench."

"My regular mister fix-it," she says. "And I like our bench, it has character."

"Well we can always start on a nursery," I say.

Her smile disappears in an instant as she sits down on the edge of the bed. She stares off into the wall; I guess she is trying to come up with a way to say what she needs to say.

"It isn't that I don't want to," she starts. "I mean I know that you will be a great father, but...I don't know. There is peace now, but what if there isn't tomorrow."

I sit down next to her trying to make sense of what she is saying. It is true that we are just now experiencing the fruits of peace and that it is still a little rocky, the new government. But there hasn't been any indication of the resurface of the Games, like President Coin wanted us to vote on.

"Katniss, we cannot hold ourselves from the happiness that we deserve, because of something that might never happen," I say.

She stands and paces obviously frustrated.

"Peeta, I am just not ready...I don't like to feel pressured," she says.

"Hey, hey, hey," I say standing and embracing her. "No pressure, I am happy with it just being us, I just wanted to see how you felt about it."

"Well," she says. "Now you know."

"Honestly I don't," I say. "The Capitol thing had always been on my mind too back when Snow was president, but honestly I don't think that we would allow anyone to come and force our children into anything. Do you?"

She shakes her head no.

I turn her around and look her in the eyes.

"So what is the reason you aren't telling me," I say. "We promised each other, no secrets."

She pauses and knows that although the first reason should have been good enough, I know that she is hiding a deeper reason. She struggles with it, almost as if she doesn't want me to know, because of how it might make me feel about her.

"I don't want to fail them, like...," she starts and then stops, almost like it is hard for her even to admit it.

"Like your mother failed you, when your father died?" I say.

She fights it. The pain, of remembering, of what it must have been like back when she was younger, of what it is like to not only lose her father, but to lose her mother as well. It is always this way with her. The walls come up, the anger pushes you away and then finally if you can take it, and still hold on, and she finally lets you in.

"I don't want them to hate me, like I did to her for so long," she says.

"They won't," I say. "You are not her."

"She was a wonderful mother, happy and loving, before," she says. "After, it was like we didn't exist, and it is hard for me to admit it, but I... I hated her for it."

She begins to walk away but turns and with anger in her voice.

"When we needed her the most," she continues. "She left us, and I don't want that to happen to my children, for them to hate me. Is it okay for you just to love me?"

I hold her now, and I try and reassure her.

"You are enough for me," I say. "We don't need to have children, if you don't want to. I don't ever want to pressure you."

We hardly ever talked about it, although many people in the district would ask. We would always just brush it off, saying someday. It became a word that we would use for the things that we always wanted and couldn't have. It was the words I said when we left our little house in the Victor's village, the word of someday.

Now she tells me that it won't be someday, but more like soon. She stands and begins to walk to the water. She slows down and it is that gesture that makes me stand and catch up to her. I stand next to her and finally she grabs my hand.

The sun starts to peak over the horizon and we can finally see the soft orange color meet the blue sky.

"A passionate kiss," she says. "Wasn't that what you said?"

"It was something that my father once taught me," I say.

She turns and I see here, looking as innocent as only I can know her. Pretty soon, she will go into her military mode, and well it is all business, but right now it is all about us. I see her stand on her tippy toes and I kiss her right there.

"I think I like waking up this way," I say.

"We have to get going soon," she says. "We can get it done today, and be home probably in a week."

It would be that simple, now that I think of it. Just get to the other kill switch, call over the communication, turn them both on, and then we are done. It just sounds simple enough.

Everyone is starting to get up and most of us had a couple of minutes here and there of rest, although no one I think slept any. Katniss's mother walks over to us and checks her hand.

"Mom," she starts.

She removes the bandage and starts to scan the hand. Her eyes focused on her hand. Katniss told me once that when they bring a wounded coal miner to her back in District Twelve, that she shuts down to everything but the task at hand. I have seen it first hand when we brought her Gale that time he was whipped. She tells me that it can be a good thing when you are by yourself, but not so good when you are with a partner.

Whenever we are in the forest hunting, Katniss would get this way. She was so focused on the game that sometimes I have to remind her that I am still there, well out of safety of course. The one thing that Katniss taught me about hunting is never get in front of the sight of vision of a hunter. When hunting you have to keep in the peripheral of the other. If you were to be separate because of strategy then a signal is needed to know where the other is. That is why one day Katniss showed me a call signal that sounds like a bird.

"Like the mockingjay bird call we had in the Games?" I ask.

"Well no," she says. "Now you have to practice it, so that no one knows that it isn't a bird. So that the game doesn't think that it is us but a bird."

Must have been weeks of practice at our house before I could have mastered it. I was outside one day when I finally got it mastered and could see Katniss running outside smiling, telling me that I finally got it.

We tried it out with a couple deer we saw in the woods, and found that they couldn't distinguish between that and the real birds. It made it easier to hunt, because we knew each other's call, and could easy follow it.

She later told me that it was a call signal her father taught her as well as a way of finding each other should they ever get separate.

"It was something that we would do, split up, and hunt," she says. "It became easier to hunt on our own and then meet up later. The signal became our way of finding out where we were."

"Who would have thought," I say. "That I would be out here, with you."

She hands a slice of an apple that she just cut with her knife. She places another slice in her mouth and smiles.

"I did," she says chewing through an apple.

"Really, even back then," I say surprised.

"Well, you were the strongest of all of us," she says. "Even the Careers knew that."

"What was that, the whole thing with the flour," I say trying to remember. "When did you see me do that?"

She blushes at the fact that I still remember that she was watching me even back then.

"Well it was that day back in the harvest festival, we were walking from the Seam to the school and Prim wanted to see the new cakes for the festival," she says.

Thinking back, I cannot remember the day that she talking about. It was a couple of years before we were selected for the Games, and I do remember one year that we were so busy because the flour production was not as much as we had hoped for the festival.

"So you were carrying these two heavy bags of flour, and all I could see was the girl from our class pointing and snickering," she says.

"So you noticed the snickering?" I say curious.

"Kind of hard not to, with the group of adoring fans you had," she says shortly.

"Probably they were just making fun," I say dismissively.

"I highly doubt that," she says looking down. "For a person who notices a lot of things about me really don't pay much attention to the people around them."

"Well no one else really matter that much," I say.

She grabs my hand and I can feel the moist sweat from her palm. She was nervous back then, and even nervous right now. She always did know how to say the right thing at the right time to make you feel just a little bit better. Well that is what I always thought so.

"Mom," she says again lifting her voice.

"What Katniss," she says looking up.

"We have decided," she starts and then looks at me. She smiles and then looks back to her mother. "To make you a grandmother."

She smiles, and puts down the scanner, opens her arms and we hold her for a couple of seconds. We let go of each other as we start to hear the rest of the team waking up. The anticipation of the day seems to be on everyone's mind today. There were even talks of a light breakfast to get going and getting it done as quickly as possible. Our on-site medic opposes against that, stating that the distance is about a couple of hours in rough terrain and that we would need all the energy we can get.

Liam fishes for the group while we breakdown camp and get everything ready for departure. Katniss's mother gets the medical equipment in their respective crates and into the boat that was inflated and left on the shore. There is quickness in everyone step and we all feel the need to not have to be here anymore than we should.

Finally after giving us all a quick bill of health, Katniss's mother gets in the boat and heads for the Cornucopia where she will get everything in order for a quick departure.

The mission briefing is done through the team, with even Gale and Johanna attending but hardly speaking. The only words we hear from them is that they have seen the first kill switch and that the most optimal time for it would be in a couple of hours where both zones are in the off mode.

"There has been no activity in the thermal imaging that is not in their respective zones," says Haymitch. "There is major activity though when the insect and beast zones are active, so if you are going to do it makes sure that they are off."

Katniss opens and closes her hand and finally feels almost one hundred percent. She laments having to hit him, and in hindsight she probably wouldn't do it if she had the opportunity.

"Sometimes, he can just push the right buttons, and can just irk me in a certain way, you know," she says to me as she quickly eats her breakfast. Once we are done, everyone get their packs on and we are off down the coastline.

Katniss walks in the point position with Liam. April and I, we walk in the rear position, everyone else walks in the middle. We see the sunlight glisten on the water, it is a beautiful day, although that is secondary to the true nature of this location.

We look at the visor and see that it is nine in the morning and we are ahead of the clock arena by only a couple of hours.

The visor reads that we are all on pace towards the primary target. There is also a countdown timer on the lower right hand corner. They tell us that it is when the beast zone will become active. If we pick up the pace then we can have a good comfortable time to find and active the kill switch.

The zones light up the visor when we pass them at pace that is not really running, but not really walking either.

We pass by the fog zone, and the memories of that night in the arena, seeing the white milky fog that almost took my life and took Mags life come seeking us through the jungle trees. It is enough to remind me that the arena was all about keeping me alive, all a game by the Gamemaker to keep her on their side, on the rebel's side.

We slow down a little when someone up ahead hears a rustling. It comes from the Monkey zone. I slowly scan the trees, and there is no movement. There is a signal of something in the area, we do a quick scan with the visor and it picks up, a singular heat source. The visor has a distance of twenty feet, and looking into that area, I see them. I can see them, a pair of eyes staring through the leaves, waiting for us to cross an invisible line. There is a hand signal of a quick departure. I tap on April's left shoulder and she nods as she walks slowly towards the rest of the crew.

I look down at the sand and the leaves. That must be the line, the line to cross. What are we to have known back then, when all we were looking for was water. It was stupid of us to believe that the Gamemakers wouldn't throw something like this so early in the game. They killed us like we were nothing. Those monkeys, the way they tore into morphling that saved my life. I hear a beep, and then another one. I can feel the anger inside of me swelling up to the surface. I look down, and I can see my feet start to come to the edge of the invisible line. Something inside of me wants them to attack, wants to kill them for taking a part of me.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Someone leans in and whispers.

"Let it go," I hear her say.

"It was the beginning," I say. "I became a monster after that. It scared me, because all I could feel was anger, all I could feel was revenge."

"You came back," she says.

"Not the same," I say. "You know it."

I hear the beep get more frequent. It is coming from around my neck.

"Please," she says. "I can't help you if you don't want me to."

The snaps me back, and I slowly take a step back. I look at her and she sees me.

"I am sorry," I say. "It is this place, I don't know."

"I know," she says.

She grabs my hand and I can see that she is worried, but still focused.

"Let's get this over with," I say picking up the bow that she had dropped to help me. I had it to her and she places it over her shoulder. We only have to walk a couple of steps before I hear her call out to the group.

"Let's take a couple of minutes to gather ourselves," she says. "Stay away from the jungle. We are in the jabberjays zone and any voice can be projected."

We sit down near the water, and all Katniss could do is stare at the Jabberjay zone. I grab her attention, by kissing her hand. She looks away and sees me there.

"Thank you again," I say. "You pulled me away before I made a mistake."

"That is what we do for each other," she says.

She seems puzzled about something, almost as if she is trying to come up with an answer to a tough question. She stares at the leaves of the jungle and it is probably the memories of what happened in there.

"What is it?" I say.

"It is nothing," she says. "Just a thought."

I rub her hand.

"Do you think it is wrong, to want to walk in there?" she says.

"Into the Jabberjays?" I say confused.

"To hear her voice again," she says longing. "I know we have the tapes of the interviews, but Peeta, I miss her."

The thought of it, I grab her and press her to my chest.

"You don't want to remember her that way, Katniss. Remember her for the good she did, and how she always loved her big sister."

She doesn't say much, just buries her head deeper into my arms, wishing to forget. This is what the Capitol has reduced the victors of the 74th Hunger Games, the Mockingjay of the Rebels to. This is why we were so fearful of coming back. It wasn't the zones, or the dangers of the traps. It was the memories that they bring. The horrors of things we have been trying to forget for years.

We look at the zone next to the jabberjays. It is a zone we never went into. What horrors could have fallen us if we did mistakenly crossed that invisible line. Would we have survived it?

"Let's keep moving," I say keeping her in my arms.

We are no longer walking like the Star Squad 451, stealth fully or even militarily, but we walk together trying to reach our destination, trying to forget everything.

Cressida and Pollux could not have known the horrors that we had to go through. April and Liam are too innocent to realize what the Capitol had stolen from us. We walk almost like we are just trying to get this over with.

Passing the unknown zone, we do not seek to see what is inside, but we keep our eyes focused on the only zone that matters. It is the one zone that is our ticket out of this nightmare, to the switch and then to our ride on a hovercraft. It sounds very easy to do, walk in and turn the switch. But we know from experience that the Capitol would have made it difficult, would have made it near impossible.

We all stand now staring into the eyes of the abyss. The water laps on our feet. The zone of the beast.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

There are six of us there standing on the beach of the site of the 75th annual Hunger Games. We stare into the beast zone, the jungle trees stand motionless in anticipation of our entrance. We have three hours to enter into the zone and complete the mission before the zone becomes active. It is more than enough time for six of us to search and find the switch that will turn off the defense mechanisms of the arena.

It sounds easy enough. Our group stands two victors Katniss and I that know the arena but we have never entered into this zone. Two other military personnel Cressida and Pollux that we had back in the war that was part of our media attaché, but came to be integral to our success. Finally our younger generation, in Liam and April who volunteered because of their background, Liam the son of Finnick Odair and April the grand daughter of Sae O'Connor.

There is a beep on the visor, and a call ring through the communication.

"Listen up everyone," says Haymitch. "Stop your standing around and get moving, reports are that you have only three hours to get in and get it done before you have to get out."

We all steady ourselves and check our weapons. Looking down in my hands, I see the scares from all my past. If only I could see all the scars so easily. My hands start to tremble lightly and I quickly rub it to quiet it down. I load a normal arrow in the bow and look up to see everyone else preparing as well.

"Let's get in and out," says Katniss. "We will divide in groups of two. Keep your visors on, and look for anything out of place. Stay within the boundaries of the zone and if you hear anything or see anything that isn't the switch, turn around and run back for the shore. It is better to get it in a couple of tries than lose your life in there. Don't be heroes, and check in every ten minutes."

We all nod and there is no need to call pairings we all know who was going with who. Katniss and I we take the straight line position going in first. Liam and April take the left flank coming in five minutes after. Finally Cressida and Pollux take the right flank position coming in at the ten minute mark.

It is a pattern sweep, strategy. We look for what we can find, and continue moving stopping only one minute to examine anything. If we do not find anything, we continue moving. We have five tries before we are caught up by the next team and then they are to move over the same five tries and so forth. It covers quicker ground if you are looking for something or someone.

"Shoot straight," she tells them all before she turns to me and nods.

We walk towards the zone and looking down I see the invisible line. Once passing, the zone continues to be silent and without reaction. The trees have a different quality that the others. I noticed that the zone with the blood rain, the trunks of the trees where more smooth. It is probably because of the neurotoxins that the environment could only take so much before it changes the physical characteristics.

The thing is that ever since the torture, I tend to focus on the smallest details. It was the way that I learned about my surroundings, and learn about people.

The trees in this zone however, I noticed that they are scuffed. Like the deer that rubs its antlers on the bark. I stop and feel the bark, claw marks, deep and fresh. Looking down, we find nothing the first five minutes. It isn't easy because everything looks like it belongs. It is trying to find the one thing that doesn't.

"Team one, report," she says.

"Team one, nothing," says April.

"Team two, report," she says.

"Team two, nothing," says Cressida.

She turns around and looks at me. We have been walking for about thirty minutes and nothing. It is eerie. There is nothing, other than the threes, there is nothing. No shrubs, no other greenery, there is no animals, no tree rats, no mosquitoes, nothing. The silence is deafening, it distracts, and it is enough to make you want to run out of the zone.

We come to a center clearing where all the trees almost look the same. We are running out of time.

"You know what we have to do," I whisper.

She nods her head no.

"Katniss we are not getting any closer to home. If this could then we need to do it," I say.

Her face tells me that I am right, but that I am going to hear it later on why I shouldn't be. She turns around and taps the visor.

"Need your help," she says. "Haven't found it."

She starts to try and listen but turns around and shakes no.

"We cannot get into this now, we have less than two hours until the zone is active," she says. "What does that mean?"

She turns to me and just walks by me.

"Still nursing his bruise ego," she says. "He said something about a clock that the switches are like a clock. Have any ideas?"

I look at her, and think.

"Well we know that each zone represents an hour on a clock and that each zone is active only for one hour," I say. "The switches were found to be made in tandem, balanced like a clock. You would have to turn them both off at the same time."

She looks down, disappointed.

"Team, we are pulling out," she says. "Meet on the beach in fifteen minutes."

She kicks a nearby rock as she stand, and it hits a tree. Then that is when I hear it. That is when we both hear it. We both look to each other surprised and realized that the sound it made was one of a hollow nature.

We walk up to the rock on the ground and closing a fist she taps the tree.

"It is hollow," she says. "Check the ones next to it."

I walk to the next tree and tap it like she did, and it is hollow also. The vibration though is higher than the one she first tapped which was long and constant.

"Vibrations?" I say. "What does it mean?"

We continue to tap until we find solid trees. The solid trees all outline the center ones that are seven in total, all in different vibrations.

"It is funny, it is almost sounds like," says Katniss, before it dawns on her, at the same time it is beginning to dawn on me.

An old grand father clock, in the scenes the broadcasts back in the Detention Center. Seven hollow trees all different vibrations, like notes on a song. Now that is something that a clock would have, a song that it plays at a specific time.

"Plutarch," says Katniss through the COMs. "What is the song?"

She listens attentively.

"What do you mean, you have no idea, you told me you designed this arena, this whole clock thing is your idea. You had to know about the seven trees, the different notes," she says.

There is a slight pause. I look at the time on the visor and it is now almost one hour. We do not have time. I make signal of running out of time.

"Peeta, communication was lost," she says. "Let's get out of this place."

I pick up the rock from the ground and etch in a big 'X' on the trunk of one of the trees. It is to find out where the trees are, and how to find it again.

"What did Plutarch say," I ask.

"He said that some areas were designed by President Snow," she says. "I am guessing the hollow trees were his idea. Plutarch has no idea there were hollow trees with different song vibrations."

We start to move back to towards the beach. The pace is quickening because the visor information has been jammed and we cannot see where we are going.

If it is true that some things were designed by Snow and Plutarch did not know about it, then it maybe a song that only he would know.

That is when it hits me, the anthem. President Snow's pride and joy was the anthem. He was the one who had all the musicians and scientist work on it. He had the scientist research on the perfect tone and harmony to incorporate into the Anthem. Their intention was to make it pleasing for everyone. It crescendos at the perfect moment, and the strings and bass are implemented perfectly.

I grab her by the shoulder. She turns and looks at me.

"It is the anthem," I yell out. "The song, it has to be the anthem."

She shakes her head.

"Too late to go back," she says. "We will do it after the zone deactivates."

We are almost to the beach, and that is when I see them. There on the sand, our remaining team just standing there.

Where have I seen this before?

"Katniss, stop!" I yell out.

She turns and quickly stops. I finally catch up to her.

"It is too late," I say grabbing the rock from my pocket and tossing it to the team. It hits an invisible wall and falls to the ground.

We both turn around grabbing arrows from the sheaths. The images come back to my mind, of what the beast looked like. We train our eyes on the jungle where the mutts that look like a cross between a lion and a bear.

"Back to back," she calls out.

We train our eyes to the trees and our ears to any sounds that may come. For a couple of minutes there is nothing, no movement.

It could be that they are not coming out here this far in. Maybe they won't know where we are if we stay here. That is when I start to hear the clicking sound.

She looks at me, bewildered. It is when I realized why there were no rocks, no shrubs, and no animals in this zone.

I can hear the trees rustling. The trees start moving, as the something is coming through the jungle. I unsnap the gun from the holster. Drawing an arrow back from the sheath we both have it taunt in the bow ready for anything that may come.

Without warning I hear growling and howling at such a high pitch that it causes us to quickly fall to our knees and place our hands on our ears. I can only feel my hands pressing in the COMs earphones trying to cover every little hole in my ear, without success.

My mind only has one thought, and it is to drown out the howling, but it is too loud, and too close that it causes my head to start to pound. I can't even feel the bow anymore. Did I drop it? Did she? We are in the worst possible scenario now, eyes closed, with no weapons.

I lift up my head and open my eyes long enough to see the beast emerge from the jungle walking on all fours stealthily towards Katniss. The pain in my head is keeping me from getting up, but reaching for the gun in my belt, I pull it out and start to fire round after round at it. At first I fire wildly towards it with my eyes almost closed as the pain is too much.

The piercing howls cause my aim to be off. I can see that I hit it a couple of times which causes it to slow down.

"Not good enough," I say to myself. She is still in danger. I make my way to my knees, and looking down at the group I can hear my breathing. Looking up I see that it has stopped and is now looking at me crouching, the beast waiting to see what my move is going to be.

Have to get up, I have to protect her. Standing, finally coming to my feet the pain is unbearable, one foot in front of the other, the howling still causes me to keep my hands in my ears. Just as it started, it finally stops, the howling, and the beast just looks at me there in the open. It is looking to see what I would do. I could easily lift my gun and fire rounds now, but would it make a difference. I have to get in front of it and her.

One step toward her and it takes a step towards her. It is almost as it knows that where I am going. It is almost like there is an actual thought behind its movements. It reminds me of the muttations from our first Hunger Games, how the eyes were that of the fallen tributes. Of course it wasn't really those tributes but the way it move, and the way it tried to solve issues and you can tell that it had some sort of conscience.

I see it now for the first time clearly. The black fur with gold stripes covers its whole body. The golden eyes stare at me with a level of concentration that if I flinched it would react.

You would think that the bear side would make it slow, but the muscles in its legs looks like it could easily run as fast as its lion side. It doesn't show me its claws or teeth; it just stares at me, calmly walking towards Katniss.

I am only a couple of feet away. I can see that she is starting to come too. It seems that the howls incapacitate its victims. Surprisingly it didn't keep me down, must have been all those days of torture that I was subjected to.

Finally it stops, which causes me to stop. I can see it rocks back and finally almost like that day that I was attacked in the woods by those dogs, it is now or never.

I make a move and run towards her. This is the moment of truth, it isn't a race that I expect to lose, and it is a race that I have to win. We have fought for so long and finally had peace. The war we fought because of hurt and because of pain, because we honestly had no choice. This is different, this mission we could have easily said no, we could have just finally said no, but us being here wasn't for our survival, but it was for April and Liam. They remind us of how Prim would have been should she had seen her life extended. To find love, and be loved by someone, it was the only thing that mattered. Now this is the fight, for our child that we have decided to bring into this world, this war, is now for him or for her that they wouldn't have to go through this, that they would experience peace, because we haven't yet.

Pushing off its back legs the beast sprints the distance towards her. It is like we are after the same thing, running in slow motion, one to kill and the other to save. I take out the gun and fire one more shot hitting it in the body. This causes it to hesitate, to pause. This small hesitation is all I needed to get to her; it allows me to reach her before it does.

The claws are out, the teeth are out, it breath huffs at me in anger. Those eyes with an immeasurable amount of hatred stares are me. The only thing I can do is stare right back it. A gun in one hand, and my knife in the other, I wait to see if she is okay, to think of a strategy to get her to safety. It lifts itself on the two back legs, standing like a bear would. It is at that time, that I place my hand on her. I shake her, to see if she is still breathing, to see if she is still there or passed out. I stand there aiming my gun at it; I slightly turn my head keeping my eyes still on it but catching her in my peripheral.

"You okay," I yell out.

She moans, and I know that she is out of it.

"Katniss," I yell. "Snap out of it."

I can hear it softly.

"Peeta?" she says.

I have to buy her some time. I focus on the weight of the gun, and feeling how it is a little light, I know that I may have one or two more bullets in the clip. There is only one thing that I could do. I think that it may be the only thing that could save her. She of course will not want to but it is the only thing that I can think of.

"Listen to me," I say. "Focus, on what I am going to say. The rabbit and the dog, you got it."

"No," she says weakly.

"No choice," I say. "I love you."

I fire my last round into its leg, which causes it to howl. I make a break for it, running to my left ramming my body into it. It falls to the ground and I continue running into the jungle. Looking back I see that it coming on its four and begin to lay chase after me.

The rabbit and the dog, is a strategy that she taught me back in our hunting days in District Twelve. Hunting one day in the district, I saw a white rabbit running through the game trail. Making a dash for it, she quickly stops me and tells me to crouch down.

"The rabbit isn't running from us," she says. "Look."

A couple of seconds after, I see a pack of wild dogs running after it.

"Sometimes we have to let the game chase another prey in order to trap it," she says.

The prey. Well that means that I am the white rabbit, and the beast is the wild dog. Only thing I have to do is keep running until the hunter gets back on its feet.

"Keep alive," I say running in zig zags. I can feel it is closing in. I stab a tree with all I have and I grab onto the knife and see it slides right by me, crashing into another tree and letting out a big yelp. I jiggle the knife back and forth until it comes loose and start to run back towards the beach. I quickly look back and see that it has gotten back on its four legs and as soon as it sees me, it send out a howl. Was that a signal? Was it communicating with other beasts? Are there others? It starts to run again after me and all I can do is run.

All of the sudden I hear a howl to the right, and I can tell that this beast tracks in packs. The flank is being guarded and I can see the beast running to the right of me towards me. They are trying to push me into a direction.

Come on Katniss, get up and get going I need you to be there for me. I run towards the second beast, trying to pass it, get around the net that it is trying to place.

I see that I am not fast enough. If only I wasn't too tired, or probably if I was younger or if I had two legs and not one, probably I could have out run it. I come to a stop and the one ahead of me takes a swipe at me with it claws. I quickly duck it, but their claw grabs a trunk of the nearby tree. I quickly stab its hand, pinning it to the tree. The blood runs down the tree, a yellowish color.

I back up and remove the long knife from my thigh.

That is when I hear the whoosh, and the thump of an arrow in the head of beast in front of me. The red arrow bursts into fire, and the animal starts to yell trying hard to pull off its hand from the tree. It finally stops moving and I can look for the other, which has disappeared. I can hear the growling though and the sniffling.

I hear it, in the air, it is faint, but I can hear the call. In the distance I see movement, but know that it is not her. I hear two more whooshes, and then the fire burst on the beast and it retreats.

I put my hands on my thighs in exhaustion. Seems that I am not as young as I use to be, it was almost fifteen years since I was back here.

"So you are the rabbit," she says from behind me.

I turn and see her there still serious, and still a little weak.

"Well only needed was the hunter to take out the dogs," I say.

"Don't do that to me," she says. "When I saw you running back into the jungle, the feeling of never seeing again consumed me."

"It was the only way," I say. "I couldn't let them get to you. I love you too much to see you get hurt."

"Peeta," she says. "When are you going to understand that I feel the same way about you?"

I walk over to the charred lump that was the Capitol's mutation. I pulled the knife out of the jungle and see the lump fall to the ground lifeless.

She hands me the bow, and I notch in a fire arrow in the line. We walk with purpose and with something that the beasts are afraid of, fire.

Suddenly a noise comes from the rear. We both turn and prepare to let go of an arrow. Could it be another mutt coming for us?


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

The sunlight trickles in through the leaves, through the branches and fall to the ground. There are no leaves on the ground, just emptiness. The air is hot and it is more humid than I remembered.

The silence is enough, to hear the small rustle of leaves. There is no wind, or a uniform sound of wind rushing through. This is an anomaly, something that the very arena has shown. The beast knew this, so they would use the howling as a technique to mask where they were coming from.

Something about this doesn't ring true. If we were back in the arena, it wouldn't be a question; we would be either running or preparing for a fight. Could it be someone coming?

My muscles cry out for mercy for a moment of rest that my determination will not provide. The arrow stands there in my bow, with a line that is taunt ready to find its mark on anything that comes through the jungle. The line feels as if it could go at any time. I can feel the sweat travel down my face. My heart is beating a mile a minute, but hasn't caused me to lose focus on the mark where the rustling is coming from.

Closing my eyes, I place all my energy on the sound. It is something that we sometimes do, when we are trying to gauge distance.

Was it a branch snapping, or just leaves? Animals would move and the leaves would rustle, but nothing you could hear, not unless you are being chased. It has to be a person. Is it our team from the beach?

The fuzzy static starts to come back in the COMs.

"Katn.." a voice says. "Peet.."

Could it be that the radio silence that the zone places is over? Has it been an hour? There is no way of knowing, and if there is doubt we cannot fire without hesitation.

We are taught by the military to never respond on COMs if you are in a vulnerable position. It is odd how everything that we learned in District Thirteen, we still use it, even in the hunting of District Twelve.

A second attempt is made through the open COMs and then that is when we hear it. A gun fire echoes through the sky. That is a last resort signal for a friendly walking in enemy territory. It is a risky move, because it gives away the location of the person. In this case though, we know that the beast could not operate a gun, so it has to be one of our team.

I walk next to her and tell her, friendly. She nods and lowers the bow. We both remove our knives as a precaution and wait to see who is coming.

"Katniss," I hear a voice call out.

"April," she responds.

Finally there is more movement and just like that we see them all appear in military fashion. Two from front and one from the left and the other from the right, they all move in with weapons drawn.

They all lower their weapons when they see us.

April walks over to us and hugs us both.

"All we could do is watch," she says emotionally. "We couldn't help; all we could do is just stand there."

I know that feeling, I could still remember feeling that helpless seeing her in pain in the ground.

I grab both their hands.

"I know the feeling," I say. "I promise you, that I will protect her."

"Did you guys kill it?" says Cressida.

I point to the one clump of mess, and find that it is gone. Where did it go? Exactly like the monkey muttations, all the bodies that we killed and in a moment after the hour had passed, they were gone.

Was the sound, the rustling; was that the zone retrieving the body? I doubt that our squad would make any noise; every one of them is either a hunter or trained by the military.

"Come on," I say. "Let's get this over with."

We all pick up our gear and start to walk towards where we saw the hollow trees. There is no calm feeling in this zone, even if they are able to come into it. We all know that the Capitol can always change the rules, even if the war is over. It is disconcerting that even after death, President Snow, still knows how to destroy everything.

We walk for ten minutes and nothing. Stopping we look around.

"Are you sure," says Liam. "I mean you could have thought you did."

"No, I know I etched an 'x' in the tree," I say. "If they can take the body of a mutt that we killed without any evidence that it was there. I mean who's to say that they can't remove the 'x' to protect the switch?"

Everyone starts to tap the trees one by one. It takes longer but finally after about twenty more minutes, we find the circle of trees and no marks on them.

"Anyone remembers how the song went," asks Katniss.

We could have asked Plutarch, he would definitely know, but the COMs are still acting up and we cannot even get a signal out. I must have heard it a bunch of times but that is what happens when you hear something various times, they lose their uniqueness.

Finally closing my eyes I search for the times that I had to sit in front of President Snow. The times he came to the Detention Center to see me. I can still hear his voice echo through mind. I can still smell the blood in his breath. Those eyes how they can remove everything you love in a second.

"Isn't it a shame, Mr. Mellark," says President Snow.

"What is?" I respond.

"That in all this time that we have spent here," he starts. "We haven't gotten to know each other. After all I spend more time with you than I do with my own family."

Family? I couldn't even begin to believe that President Snow would even have a family. That would mean that somewhere, sometime, someone loved him, enough to have children with.

"That is a shame," I say. "Tell me about them, you have any children?"

He stops the stirring of the tea and actually looks up. I figured he must have believed that I would be still rattled by him here standing two feet from me. He is probably taken back by the fact that I would be able to have a normal conversation with the one person that is torturing me, and killing everyone that I love.

"Oh yes, one of the one things that I love the most is children," he says with a smile. "I have many children, and even a couple grand children."

It is the very thought of him having children, and killing everyone else in the district is just another thing that I cannot begin to try and accept.

"You are right, you should be home with your children instead of here with me," I say with an air of sarcasm.

"Oh don't you worry about them. They will always have me to take care of them, they are the most important people to me," he says. "Every night I tuck in the smaller ones and they fall asleep with their favorite lullaby playing in the background."

He takes up the cup of tea and takes a sip of it.

"It pains my heart to think of all of those fatherless children out there, that they do not have anyone to tuck them in at night," he says making a reference to my father. "That is why I spend endless nights concerned for all the children of the district suffering at the hands of these so called radicals."

The shaking becomes evident and I can feel my throat begin to tighten.

"My dear boy, do you need help?" He says. "I could call someone to help you, if you wish."

He pauses as he is about to tell the guard that inside the room.

"But who would help the children of the district, that are dying right now," he says mocking. "Well it seems that no one is standing for them, as they are being massacred, bombs everywhere, gun fire in the streets."

He stands up and hands the cup to the guard who quickly grabs it. He grabs his napkin from the chair that he was sitting in, and dabs his mouth carefully. He places it on the table and looks at me.

"Do let me know when you wish to stand up for them," he says.

He starts to walk away and he does the oddest thing.

He begins to hum.

I could hear it but not clearly, because I was shaking uncontrollably. My eyes were closed but I could clearly hear it, the simple melody, the simple notes it repeated itself twice before the door closed.

The shaking is self evident. It is enough to have everyone stop walking. It is enough to have everyone stop talking. Katniss quickly walks up to me.

"Hey, hey, hey" she says sweetly. "It is okay. It is over. The beasts are gone."

She grabs my hands and I can feel the warmth in her hands. She will always leave it all just to make sure that I am okay, just like I would do the same for her.

"A lullaby," I utter.

She starts to hum the lullaby, which I stop her.

"No, the song, it is a lullaby," I say.

"It isn't the anthem like I thought," I say. "President Snow once talked to me about the one thing that he values over anything, his children."

The look of disgust comes over Katniss, almost the same like that I gave when he told me the first time around.

"He came one time," I say. "He was saying how his children were the most important, and that he would play them, their favorite lullaby. But just as he left, he hummed it to me."

I close my eyes, and repeat the notes out loud. I do it a couple of times in a quicker fashion, making sure that I have remembered the correct melody.

"Are you sure?" says Katniss.

"Of my memory, of course not, but I just feel it, that it is the right song," I say looking at her, wanting her to believe me.

"Okay, let's try it," she says.

She asks me to go over the notes a couple of times until I am sure of the melody. We signal each tree as a note with a number in order from one to seven, whether it is higher or lower of the other. It takes a couple of minutes to finally get the note progression as close as possible.

"Let's do it, and get out of here," says Cressida obviously feeling the anticipation of going home. She like most of us cannot wait to be rid of this memory of the Capitol. It is the very essence of suffering all these years.

"Wait," I say. "How can we tell the other team to turn on the switch if our visors aren't working?"

Everyone looks around and realize that the first thing that Plutarch told us was that the switches had to be turned at the same time in order for the arena to go into shut down mode.

Katniss then grabs two fire arrows.

"Peeta you still have that rock?" she says.

I reach into my pocket and find that same rock that I had etched the "X" with. It is the same rock that she had kicked that hit the tree. One could just say that it was lucky that we found a rock in a zone that had absolutely nothing on the ground. Luck. It is a word that always leaves me thinking about that interview. Was it luck that she kicked a rock, or that we even found a rock on the ground where we haven't found any other?

I hand her the rock.

"Lucky you still have it," she says and then shoots me a smile.

Were we lucky? It is the second time that I have heard this question. The first came at an odd time in our lives.

A reporter had come to interview us a while back. It was an odd thing, because there was nothing really going on, no specials of the war, or the rebellion or even of the Hunger Games, it was just a normal day.

We were walking in the district towards the bakery. It is our daily thing, to walk together everywhere. She doesn't mind going to the things that I do during the day, as I don't mind going hunting, or swimming out in the forest. We just love being in each other's company. Even in our alone time, we always found ourselves feeling better in each other's company.

This time around we were walking towards the Square, towards the Bakery.

A man approached us and greeted us.

"Good afternoon," he says. "My name is James and if I could I would love to ask you guys a couple of questions. I mean I don't want to bother you."

The way he approached us, is the first time they asked if it was possible, almost asking permission. It was the first time a reporter did this.

"Come and join us," says Katniss, which takes me back because she has never agreed to have any reporter from the Capitol join us.

He walked with us to the bakery where we sat in a table. It was the same way that my father and I would do.

"So James," says Katniss. "What do you want to know?"

"Well I only have a couple of questions," he says fumbling through papers looking for his notes. It seems that he is nervous and is surprised just like I am that we are having an interview and it isn't forced.

"James," I say. "Just talk to us, what do you want to know?"

He stops and smiles.

"Okay," he says. "Well I am about to marry the woman that I love, and there is actually only one question. Do you ever feel lucky to have married Katniss?"

This was not a question that a typical reporter would ask.

I look at her and she just sits there looking as beautiful as the day I met her. She lowers her head and I lift my hand to touch her cheek.

"Lucky?" I say. "There is no such thing."

He is taken back with the response.

"Well let me explain," I say. "Ever since I was five I knew that I would love her forever. It didn't matter if it would happen, it only matter when it would. I knew that I would love her. There isn't anything lucky about that, it is only what I was destined to happen."

That is why it isn't lucky that I found the rock, it was that I was destined to do so. For her to kick it and hit a tree that wasn't suppose to be there. That I kept it, after etching an 'x' into the bark.

She tells us that with the rock she will strike the fire arrow and shoot it up into the air as a signal flare. Two arrows, one up and then another she explains that means five seconds, and three arrows, one and then two at once means ten seconds.

A confirmation is then sent up after the first arrow to signal that they are awaiting the time.

Pollux grabs a good size tree branch to use as a mallet. The lullaby is actually a very beautiful song, and if you didn't know where it came from you could say that it is a sweet song.

We hand Katniss the tree branch since she is the one running point on the team. Seeing her hitting the trunks one by one in the order of the lullaby something begins to happen. The low tones longer, combine with the higher shorten tones and actually sustains it. They overlap one over the other, like the song of the mockingjays that time in the arena. It creates a whole new tone that is sustained.

Once we reach the last note, it causes the trees to maintain the tone almost like we have unlocked something. A panel slides on the floor and a small box is lifted.

The glass panel shows a red button.

"Could it be this easy?" I say. "Just push the button? Katniss you ready to signal Gale?"

She nods and strikes the first arrow.

"Five seconds after the second one reaches the highest point," she says.

The first arrow soars through the air. After it reaches its highest point it the first is quenched as it comes down. We look up to see if there is the confirmation.

"Come on, come on," she whispers barely audible.

I quickly remove the glass cover and look at her, for confirmation. She becomes impatient and climbs the nearby tree up. It is the quickest I have ever seen her go up a tree.

"Anything," I shout up.

She looks around looking for the zone.

"No, nothing…wait," she says. "Peeta, the arrow, I see it. Count down…now."

I start to count one second, two second, three second, four second, and finally five seconds. I reach up and finally press the red button.

A loud computerized voice comes over the speakers.

"Arena shutdown initiated," it says. "Total cleansing procedure in t-minus ten minutes."

Total cleansing? Even the computerized voice makes it sound ominous.

"Katniss," I yell. "We need to go. We need to go now."

She quickly climbs down.

"Everyone, we have to get to the hovercraft and airborne in five minutes," I say. "You are to go now. We will be right behind you."

They all get going, with the exception of April.

"April, honey," I say. "You need to go. Liam will keep you save."

She looks at me.

"You promise me," she says. "That you both will be on the hovercraft."

I grab her by the hands.

"I promise you, that we will make it," I say.

Liam grabs her by the hand and they are off through the jungle.

Looking up, I see that she is halfway down.

"Katniss,…umm….darling," I say. "Kind of on a time table here."

"I am going as fast as I can," she yells. "It is easier to go up than down."

Looking at the distance, I know that we would really have to get going in a couple of minutes if we are to make it to the hovercraft in time.

"You are going to have to jump," I say.

"Jump?" she yells. "Are you crazy? I am about fifteen feet up."

"Don't worry, I will catch you," I say opening my arms.

She stops and looks down. I am pretty sure she is weighing the options.

"You better catch me," she says.

"I haven't missed you yet," I say. "On three. You ready?"

She begins the countdown and finally at one she lets go and I just stand there positioning myself to catch her. The force of her coming down was something that I was not anticipating.

I manage to grab her however it does bring me to my knees.

"Come, go," I say pushing her up and towards the beach.

She turns and grabs me by the hand and helps me up. I don't know if it is the adrenaline, of whatever total cleansing means but we run like the hunger games had just started. That day when fear took over and we are running for our very lives is something that still I can remember. The beating of my heart as I ran to stop the Careers from killing her is now beating as we run through the jungle not caring anymore on if we create any noise.

We are at the beach, when I see that the hovercraft is there waiting for us. It is already airborne with the ladder. She jumps for the rung and grabs it. I do the same and finally just like that. The hovercraft starts to lift up as quickly as it can without dropping us.

"Climb," I hear Cressida yell from the entry of the hovercraft.

Katniss starts to climb to the entry way. Once she is inside, I can feel my heart give a sigh of relief. A loud explosion jolts my grip even tighter. I look down and see the entire arena engulfed in a huge fire bomb.

Everything is gone.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

I can feel the warm air rising from the ground, from the arena. It happened in just a couple of minutes, the entire arena was engulfed in a fire bomb. The different color fires ring through the arena, probably because of the different traps in each zone, different poisons all cleansed. This could have been very well been an option that the Capitol could have used against us should they had gotten wind of the rebellion.

I look up and see her hand reaching for mines. I reach up and she helps me into the hovercraft. Once I am in, the door immediately closes, and the pilot signals to the Capitol that everyone is accounted for. He also mentions that the primary high yield device has been disarmed and the core is currently onboard.

She turns my face, and looks at me, making sure that I did not have any cuts or burns.

"You okay," asks Katniss.

"The other hovercraft?" I ask.

She nods and lets me know that they made it out okay and that they are en route to the Capitol as we speak.

"Everyone's okay?" I ask worried about the team, and even the other hovercraft.

She reassures me that everyone is accounted for, and that we all have ten fingers and ten toes.

"If you didn't tell them to go at the time that you did, they probably wouldn't have made it to the pilot and he wouldn't have been prepared to take off," she says.

We embrace believing that the worst has past. That the arena is gone, burn to ashes, nothing left but bad memories. The Quarter Quell arena is now an arena of ashes, to be blown away into oblivion. I have her rests her head on my lap.

"Rest now," I say. "It is over, we are safe."

"You should rest," she complains but doesn't sit up. "You have been through a lot."

I quiet her down.

"Let me take care of you," I say. "You have been taking care of me for a while now."

She smiles and closes her eyes as I caress her hair.

"Cheesebuns," she says with a smile.

"Okay, when we are back in the district, I will make you as many as you want," I say.

It reminds me of all the times that we had in the forest, the picnics, and those lazy days where we didn't do anything but just spend our days with each other.

I look around and see everyone just laying there on the ground of the hovercraft, not really belted into anything but just so exhausted. I am guessing they are all just glad that it is over, relieved to be done at least with part of the mission. Finally I just let myself drift off to sleep, exhausted from well everything.

This time around my mind drifts in and out of different dreams. The sounds of the ocean waves in District Four how the sand would feel as it ran through my hands, to the majestic Mountains of the Capitol and how the cool afternoon wind would move the wind chimes. I dream about the house that President Paylor let us use back then, the fireplace where we had our toasting and became man and wife. To those years in our house by the lake the times we would just spend there on the bench watching the day go by. It is like everything was just a small moment of happiness, an instance of pure joy. They all had one thing in common; they all had her in it.

There would be dreams of children laughing. I now dream of a future that I haven't yet told her yet. Dreams of a life that one day soon we will get to experience.

I see her there rubbing her belly in the morning time. I think though, of the same question that she has asked herself many times before.

Would I be a good father? It is a question that I think to myself as I see her there in the living room with her sweater on covering the cool wind from the child that lives inside. It is enough. She is enough to make me smile, she is enough, and her love is enough, the child inside knows that, because of the love flows through her body.

How could I love someone that I haven't met it is a new feeling that I haven't experienced, or how can I not love this child of ours, when I know that he or she would come from her.

I feel the warmth of her hand on my face. My eyes open and I see their sitting up next to me.

"We have landed," she says. "Everyone dozed off, it seems the amount of stress is enough to keep everyone on adrenaline but we all come crashing down afterwards."

"Is it over?" I say.

"Almost," she says standing up. She helps me up and finally it is at that moment, that I realize how beat up my body really is.

"Hmmm, not as young as I once was," I say as we both walk out of the hovercraft.

We are back on the roof of the Training Center. There is a group of doctors and military personnel escorting each one of us to the entry ways. I look to the left and see our little garden there and the other hovercraft next to it.

"Sir, come with us," an official says.

We follow them down the stairs to the Tenth floor where they have their medical wing now established.

"We will have to interview you separately," they say which raises a red flag.

"Mr. Mellark, please come with us," the man moves his hand to the room next to the one that Katniss walks into.

Inside there is another official in a dark blue suit, with a laptop and file. She is about my age, and could pass for someone from my district. Her features are young however you could tell that she had been through a lot and is like a book that is worn around the edges.

"Please have a seat," she says nicely. "I promise you this will be as painless as possible."

I sit down tentatively.

"Why the separate interviews?" I ask.

"Each person may have a different account of what occurred we are only here to investigate," she says.

She opens the folder and looks for the first entry that is highlighted.

"Was the visor in working order?" she asks.

"There were some glitches," I say. "Don't know if it was the visor equipment or the arena security."

"Care to explain," she asks.

"Well when we were in arena, the visor would sometimes shows us where our teammates were and then all of the sudden disappear," I say, knowing full well that it was done intentionally. "Other times our communications with the Capitol was blocked."

She writes down both things that I mentioned.

"So when the Capitol was calling because a breach in protocol was done, you say you didn't hear the communication?" she says.

"That is correct," I say. "We didn't know, until we took a rest."

"Was it at that time, that Katniss Mellark was made aware of her primary objective," says the official.

"Yes, however due to the position of where we were, it was decided that the zone was going to be activated and my condition forced us to change primary to get to shelter before the rain started," I say with a firm voice.

"Mr. Mellark," she starts. "We are only here to obtain the correct record of equipment so that the next mission goes off without any issues."

I rub my forehead with my hand, in frustration. Patience is something that I really have to work on, especially when it comes with the Capitol.

"Unbelievable," I say. "We just disarmed the arena for you, risked our lives for the Capitol, and all you are wondering about is why we didn't follow the primary objective."

I stand up in disgust.

"Hey," she says out of character as to get my attention. "I fought in the rebellion; I was there in District Four, and Five. You think you are the only ones that have been through things. I know things change in the field, I am just trying to get the right picture."

It is hard to imagine but most of these new officials were soldiers in the rebellion. They are not the enemy, but people like the Gamemaker Plutarch still makes me feel a little uneasy.

"I am sorry," I say. "Are we finished?"

"Yes, I will just fill the rest in as equipment malfunction. I will also make sure that everything matches with regards to the other statements," she says shaking my hand. "Off the record I can imagine what happened, and I would have done the same thing."

She places three vertical lines with one at an angle on a white piece of paper. She then folds it and hands it to me. I grab the paper and place it in my pocket as I walk outside.

Once outside in the hallway they are already an escort waiting for me.

"If you will follow me, I will take you to the medical team to get you released," he says.

I follow him to the floor below.

"Is Katniss," I say.

"Mrs. Mellark is downstairs getting her medical release," the escort says.

Getting off the elevator, the doctors come and meet me in the lobby. They are all carrying clip boards and have files supposedly about me. From the last time I spoke with Doctor Aurelius, they were still making progress on reversing the effects of the serum the Capitol placed in my system all these years ago.

They have made it easier to live with, but like I always tell Katniss, they can give me drugs for the body to stop the tremors, but can they give me drugs to stop the nightmares? I mean the only thing that has helped me with the nightmares, has been her.

"Where is she?" I ask.

"She is with her mother getting a check up," one doctor says.

They take me to a room where there is a chair, with restraints. Doctor Aurelius years ago, had to come to District Twelve to help me with the new medication. Of course the way the Capitol made, their perverse game was that every time that I would see a chair with restraints that it would cause the serum to be activated when the restraints are there to stop me from hurting myself while they administer the treatments.

Katniss would always be there for my treatments. She would always distract me so that I couldn't focus on what was happening. This time around I guess that she is getting her release and can't be here.

I grab my arms, and look around, no familiar faces, nothing to hold onto, and no one to distract me. They help me into the chair. I close my eyes, and then I hear the door open and close. Probably the head doctor to take some blood, inject me with the treatment, supposedly helping me.

I can feel the anxiousness of my body beginning to creep in. I try to think of other things, I try to think of her smile, and her laugh, the way she always makes me nervous in the mornings. I never tell her but I always think that all this time, that one day she will come to her senses and wonder if her live could have been better if she had ended up with Gale.

Sometimes I catch her humming to herself some song when she would get out of the shower. Probably if I can just think of that, it may be enough to get me through.

I can feel the small trembling of my hands. The uneasy feeling in my feet, the way my knees start to move, nervous, and ever so erratic.

Come on Peeta, think of something that will keep you center. What was that song, she would hum.

I feel something familiar, a warm touch of someone's hand. It makes me take a deep breath before, I hear it.

"Haven't missed one," she says.

I smile, not opening my eyes, knowing full well who it is.

"Thought you were getting cleared," I say.

"You know I couldn't miss your treatment," she says. "I told them to stop, I needed to be somewhere."

I try to open my eyes, but she keeps them close and tells me not yet.

"How did you know I was down here?" I say.

"You are the only one I know, that when he walks into a room full of doctors there is tremendous amount of movement," she says.

The thought of people running to see me is all but new to me. Typically when we use to come to the Capitol it was the other way. People would run to see Katniss, to see the Mockingjay. Lately it has been quiet, and we enjoy it that way. It is only when the anniversary of the Rebellion, that the cameras seem to always make their way back to District Twelve.

"Well you are the only one I know that when you walk into a room you can cause my heart to stop," I say.

I feel a warm kiss from her lips on my cheek. In the beginning she would hate that I would always say these things to her. It was only until she realized that it was me saying the things that I had always wanted, things from deep inside that she started to believe me when I said it.

"Can I open my eyes," I ask.

I wait a couple of seconds; while I am guessing she is looking around too make sure. She will always be my healer, in more ways than none. She is only one that could heal me, body, and soul.

"Okay," she says softly. "You can open them now."

I open my eyes and I see her there smiling. Her hair is now loose and flowing. She helps me by removing my restraints and finally slips her hand into mines.

"Any word on when we are leaving this place?" I say.

"Last I heard, Plutarch wanted to get one more meeting together, with all of us," she says obviously emphasizing on the 'all of us' part that she dislikes.

"It will be okay," I say.

She pats my hand, and looks up at me.

"I know it will be," she says. "I have you with me."

She helps me to my feet. I look around and only a couple of people are still in the room. They have this look about them; I really don't know what it is all about, until one of them approaches us.

"I am sorry," a sweet younger girl says. "My older sister told me stories about you two and I never thought that it would be true."

"That what was true?" says Katniss.

"That you guys love each other like that," she says. "It is almost like we don't exist and you are all alone in this world."

She smile and looks at me, remembering that it was one of the things that we would be able to do so easily. It wouldn't matter what was going on in our lives, we could always just tune everything, and everyone out. It was only just us. Just like that time we danced in our wedding, we never did realize what was going on around us.

"Well it is something like that," I say smiling. "But thank you for reminding us, that there are other people in this world than us."

We walk outside, and finally are told that our presence was needed on the fourth floor. How polite it is to be told like a child on where to go, leave it to the people of the Capitol to be controlling but in a polite way.

The elevator ride is unassisted. No one follows us, no escorts, and no Capitol officials. We could have gone back upstairs to our floor or even down to the bottom and grab one of their cars. We could have gone to the roof and grab the hovercraft back to District Twelve. We could have done all this, but for some odd reason we press four and just stand there in the elevator holding hands.

Once the elevator stops and the doors open, we see most of them there. Cressida and Pollux come and welcome us. They ask us how we are and whether or not we know what they are going to say.

Haymitch greets us with his usual rude comments.

"Well hello there sweet heart, great to see that you arrived in one piece," says Haymitch.

"No thanks to you, the arena's self destruction certainly wasn't on the manual," says Katniss. "And of course the equipment malfunctioned right when we needed it. There are times when we tried to call you and the thing didn't work."

I place my hand on her waist causing her to look at me. It occurs to me that we have to speak about the exit interviews. It is to make sure that if my story holds up with hers. To make sure that we have a plan should we need one. I don't know if Haymitch knows, or how much he does.

"If you will excuse us," I say to Haymitch. We walk to a quiet corner of the room and then there is where I ask her.

"Did you get interviewed about the equipment," I ask.

She nods head.

"What did you say?" I ask.

"That the things would sometimes work and sometimes it wouldn't," she says. "Most I told them that it was the communication part of it. Don't worry I will talk to Haymitch to make sure that it is handled."

I nod and we walk back to the table where I see Katniss's mother. She approaches us and smiles.

"Mind if I borrow my daughter for a couple of minutes?" she asks.

"But of course," I say.

She walks with her mother to a quiet place where she tells her something.

"Peeta," I turn around and see Liam. It is amazing how he looks like his father. The way he has April in his arms, reminds me of the day in the cafeteria with Finnick and Annie. How very calm he was with her.

"How are you Liam?" I say.

"We are doing just fine," he says. "The Doctors here gave us both a clean bill of health."

"Well that is good," I say.

"I got to say though," he starts. "I cannot wait until we are on that train heading back home."

It is the first real thing that I have heard come from people who appreciate their homes. When we were children, everyone in the district, secretly dreamt of visiting the Capitol. Of course not to be involved in the Hunger Games, but to experience what it is like to be in a place where there are no needs. In a place where everything you have ever wanted would be provided to you. That allure always goes away though, and then you are left with the cold hard fact that it is a place, where people live and live in a place where you die.

"Yeah, the Capitol, has that effect on people," I say smiling.

"Sure does," says Katniss as I feel her hand work down my forearm and grab my hand. She leans in, and says in my ear.

"So how about we start building that swing when we get back, we are going to need it," she says.

I turn to her and smile, knowing full well what it means.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

It is like it was back in the opening ceremonies of our Hunger Games. The crowds of people, the cheering so loud that you could not even hear yourself think. That all changed when Cinna had the idea of both of us holding hands. It was like all the anxiety, just disappeared and the noise along with it.

Everything just disappeared and all I saw was her. This time around, we are in a room filled with officials and people who either hate us or appreciate us, and it is like it is just me and her again.

"So you mean?" I say.

She nods her head. I don't know yet if she is happy, but right now it isn't the right place to mention. I try to read her face, but she had always been a hard person to read, all those years in the Seam I guess.

We all quiet down as we see Plutarch walking in with folders. He sits at the head of the table. Around him are new faces that we do not know.

"As you are well aware the first mission was successful in the regards that we were able to secure the core of the high yield device," says Plutarch.

He begins to hand out the folders. It looks like they are not waiting any time to get the next site clean and clear. Right when we felt that we were going to get to go home, I remember that we have three other sites.

"Introductions are in order," he continues. "To my right is the current commander of the Capitol's armed forces, General Scott."

He stands and greets everyone. He is man that doesn't strike me as a general, but Paylor didn't strike me as a President and she was a great one.

"To my left, we have the current director of intelligence Carl Erickson," says Plutarch.

He stands very coldly, and looks around the room.

"Good afternoon to you all," he says. "Gale."

He acknowledges Gale and that is when we know that we are meeting where Gale is currently working. Katniss told me that Gale had agreed to take a job with the Capitol, but never really pressed where.

Gale just nods at him, as to acknowledge a superior. His hands are all bandaged up, almost like he was injured in the arena. His demeanor is a cold one, but there is still a hope that somewhere deep inside is the same man that I talked to back in Tigris store.

He was kind to someone that had already killed one of his fellow squad. I don't think that it was because of what I meant to Katniss. I want to think that it is the same Gale that risked his life to get as many people out of District Twelve when the bombing started.

I turn and see her hand on mine. Looking up at her, it could be easy to just let it go, and let her relationship with him simply just fade away. I wonder though, would it be something that I could handle, something that I could be proud of? It is enough to bring doubt to my mind.

She squeezes my hand and looks at me. Her eyes opened wide making the gesture towards Plutarch. It seems that I had been day dreaming again. If my mother was here, I would have gotten a good size hit upside the head.

"Yes?" I say.

"Oh how nice of you to join us," says Plutarch he says sarcastically. The smugness in this man face, almost like he actually believes that I have to listen to him.

"Well I am sorry, after the detention center, my focus and attention sometimes is off," I say with a smile on my face as to try and minimize the fact that I was tortured because of him.

There is quietness in the room almost like everyone knows what I was referring to. It really wasn't the reason why I wasn't paying attention. Truth be told, I could have easily just said that it was boring and walked out. I could really care less what he says and what the Gamemaker believe.

A smirk in his face and the Gamemakers nods as he sits down.

Carl Erickson places both of his hands on the table and stands up. He clears his throat as he opens up the folder in front of him.

"While your," he says and then coughs. "Team, has been in the other sites, my team has been investigating the other two sites and have found that both sites have been already disarmed and no high yield devices. We have concluded that those sites were decoys, for the two other that are active."

I wonder if this director uses to work for the Capitol. His tone and the way he belittles the work that we did, has the voice of the old Capitol. I guarantee that if he was part of the old Capitol, he still sees us as children who were lucky. That is what they would say sometimes, that we just got lucky, to have gotten so far and even to the President's Mansion.

One good thing comes from this man's findings. It is the first good news that we have gotten. We don't have to risk our lives any longer in those two sites. Although knowing the track record of the people here, there is always a but.

"So when do we leave?" Katniss asks.

Everyone looks at her.

"Well if we don't have to go to those areas, means that we only have to go to the 74th right?" she says.

General Scott stands and looks at Katniss.

"Direct and to the point," he says. "I like that. From your jacket, military background from Thirteen, I assume."

She doesn't respond, obviously not too thrilled about the General bringing up her past in Thirteen, or the fact that he credited them for her straight forwardness.

I have to remind Katniss that she is holding my hand as it has begun to tighten a little bit too hard.

"Sorry," she says in a hush voice. "There is something in the air that I don't like."

"My hand will remember that next time," I say to her not really caring about anyone else in the room.

"Scouts have currently arrived at the site and are working a pre investigation of sorts," he continues. "The primary switch has not yet been found however we should be mission operational by the end of the week. So the idea is to be mission ready in a week. Two teams, one my guys and the second your guys. My team will disarm the nuclear device while your team turns off the security of the site."

An alliance of sort with the new military of the Capitol, this should work out wonderfully.

The General sits down and finally Plutarch unable to contain himself stands up to finish up the presentation.

"We will be working from two sites," he says. "A group of you will be in District Twelve, and the other group will be in District Thirteen."

District Thirteen? Who would want to go there? There had been many advances in the structure of District Thirteen. The rebuilding process had been going on for years after the war. There had even been stories that people had begun to live topside in District Thirteen.

"You have one night here to rest, and then you will be shipped back to District Twelve for a week of training, and pre-work," continues Plutarch. "The second team from the intelligence agency will be working from District Thirteen. Good luck."

Everyone starts to get up and begin to walk towards the elevator. She stands however and begins to walk towards a window, looking outside. I place both my hands on the table and lift myself up still feeling a little weak from what we just went through. Walking over to her I see her cross her arms as she looks down to the Capitol streets.

"You okay," I say.

She looks back and I can see the sadness in her eyes, although she smiles at me. My heart aches to not be able to help her. It is always the thought of the lost that causes her sadness.

"Thinking about your sister," I ask.

"It is hard not to," she says. "I mean ever since mom gave me the news."

I put my arms around her waist. She places her head on my chest. It is quiet for a couple of minutes. I do not even realize that almost everyone has left the room.

"I still remember that night in District Thirteen," she starts.

"Which one," I say.

"Well it was the night when you warned us of the incoming attack," she starts. "We were all down in the bunkers and well I couldn't sleep. It was hard enough seeing how you looked on television but the thought that well, Snow could kill you, it kept me up. It was the fact that I knew that if I closed my eyes that the nightmares would keep me."

She rubs her hand on her forearms almost like she is trying to rub the feeling back in her hands. I meet her hands and try and calm her try and reassure her as best as I can.

"I am sorry, I wanted to save you, and that was the only way I could think of," I say remembering the chaos and the beating that happened after that broadcast.

"The thing is, Peeta," she says. "Prim told me that she didn't think the President Snow would kill you. Because if he did, then he wouldn't have anyone left that I wanted. She told me that Snow wouldn't be able to hurt me if he killed you."

"She always was a smart kid," I say.

"Yeah," she says. "I miss her, Peeta."

"I know," I say. "I do too."

She turns and kisses me softly. Her arms still clutched together.

"I am beginning to understand though," she says.

"Understand what," I say.

"When you told me that in us lies the people we have lost, because of the way they have impacted us," she says. "I didn't have a chance to meet your father, but I see him in you."

I smile at the thought that I have become more like him.

"Just like I see Prim in you, and I know that she will be in whoever is in here," I say touching her stomach.

"It is only a couple of weeks," she says.

"Weeks?" I say surprised. "Can they tell this early?"

"Mom took some blood and then came back with a machine that let us see inside," she says. "Medicine here is advanced enough that they could tell by the blood."

I think about the time frame, and finally come to the conclusion.

"You mean," I say. "The train?"

She nods.

"So even before we had decided, this little miracle was already coming?" I say. "Just like her mother, strong willed."

I kiss the belly and then feel her hands lift me off my knees. She looks at me in the eyes.

"Come on," she says grabbing my hand and we walk towards the elevator. Turning around, I see no one but us. When did they leave that we didn't notice? Did they notice us?

It is enough to remind us that it doesn't matter what happens, or who is around us, it is now our family the only thing that matters.

Getting into the elevator we press the twelve floor button. There is an immediate thought that comes to my mind. It was during the interviews before the Quarter Quell, when I told all of Panem that Katniss was pregnant and going into the Games. This time it is for real, she is pregnant and going into one of the most dangerous places I know.

"Katniss," I say trying to get the words out, and not knowing how to approach the subject.

"Hmmm," she says turning to me.

"This is something that I need to ask you," I say trying to figure out how I am going to say this. "A favor."

"What is it?" she says cautiously.

"Please stay in District Twelve," I say.

She is quiet as she studies what I had just said.

"You can't ask me that," she says. "And I can't promise you."

"Katniss," I try to reason with her.

"No, Peeta," she says raising her voice.

I look at the elevator and press the emergency stop button.

"I am only trying to protect you, and our new family. Can't you see that?" I say.

She turns around and looks out of the stopped elevator. I walk over to her and try.

"Don't," she responds cutting me off.

"Why are you being so difficult," I ask.

She turns around upset.

"Don't you know that you are it?" she says. "That you are all I have?"

The response leaves me speechless.

"What if I lost you," she says. "Would you want me to raise our child alone?"

"You are not going to," I try to say.

"You don't know that. You can't promise me that," she interrupts. "We almost died in the last one, what makes you think that we won't be in the same place now?"

It is the same argument we had back in the arena through the Blood Rain Zone. It is the same reasoning. How can you reason with someone who doesn't want to end up alone?

"We are a family I guess, so I see your point," I say finally coming to terms that I cannot change her mind.

"I know that it comes from a good place," she says placing her hand on my heart. "But I cannot leave you, I made myself a promise."

"Then I am not leaving you one second, no matter what," I say.

We arrive at the twelve floor and walk out to the sitting room. I see that Haymitch is there sitting on the sofa. It is the first time we have had the opportunity to talk to him without the others.

"Sit down we need to talk," he says.

We sit down and know that the old man may have something to say.

"You know the second team is there for surveillance," he says. "To make sure that you follow the mission and not go all mockingjay. Yes that is the term they are using, going all mockingjay."

"If Gale hadn't left before everyone else we wouldn't have had to do it," I say raising my voice.

"You don't need to tell me," he says. "I know the reason why, not the smartest one, but then again it was what you thought was right."

The implications that we will be watched and that our movements will be followed is nothing new. Our whole lives have been followed and our movements tracked. Ever since we were in the arena, fighting for our lives, the Capitol has been following us. President Snow making Katniss act a certain way to keep us from dying.

Even these many years later, after the Capitol's government was no more, they were always anniversaries of the war. I never did quite understand the reasoning behind anniversaries of the war. I always thought it was better to remember them for the good and not the way they died. Paylor had always said that if we can remember the past, it would be hard to repeat it in the future.

Plutarch came on the first anniversary and interviews all the victors of the Games who started the rebellion. They showed the Quarter Quell, and well of course it brought back the nightmares of being left behind and being tortured. That week I must have slept only a couple of hours, it was horrible to not know whether what was going on was a dream or a nightmare.

They will never let us go, never let us think for ourselves. We will always be those sixteen years old being selected in the reaping.

"So we will have babysitters," I say. "What's new, we have always had babysitters, ever since we were in the first Games."

I stand in anger, and look at Haymitch.

"What if we do not do what they want," I say. "They cannot force us to go back. We are not part of any military, especially not this one. They cannot kill our families, they already did that."

Do not think the pain will ever go away. Even after all these years, it is still there in the deepest part of my heart. The fact that my entire family is gone, because of the Capitol, because of the Rebels, it is just enough to ignite something inside of me. The implication of it, the fact that the Capitol has nothing over us now, that they have nothing that they can influence us on, is sort of freeing.

I walk away trying to distance myself from Haymitch and the truth that the Capitol will always try to hold us. The footsteps feel so hollow and I can hear her in the distance calling out to me, but I cannot turn back, and I cannot stop.

The door slides open and I see the room there. Our bags are already packed and waiting for us, more than likely done by the attendants. The room feels so small and so tight. I feel my chest begin to tighten and there is now a pain in my heart that grows.

I hear her come from behind me. Turning around I see her approach me carefully.

"Why won't they leave us alone," I say. "It is bad enough that we almost died in the last one, but now it is like the Games all over again. The Gamemaker is now sending in people to make us do things that they want. Why not just turn on all the cameras and broadcast it to all of Panem."

"I know," she says.

"It is the same thing, it is the Games all over again," I say. "We should have never gone. I am sorry for convincing you."

"You didn't," she says.

I have put everyone else above her. I have put the woman that I love in danger because of everyone in the Panem.

"You mean more to me than everyone," I say.

"Where is this coming from, Peeta," she says confused.

"I don't know, it is just so familiar," I say. "Everything feels like we are getting ready to go into the Games. Even Haymitch, telling us how to act and what to say, it rings of our past."

I pace the floor, unsure of myself.

"I know, but if we can get it done, we can be finally rid of them," she says.

"Until the next thing comes up and they will be at our door asking for our help again," I say.

"Things have changed now," she says.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Life has always been ever changing. Everything in Panem changes, from the trees in District Seven to the sand in District Four. The season brings us with change and we always accept as it is another year. The snow blankets the grass which dies in the process. There is however hope that as the snow melts it waters the ground which allows the grass to be rebirth as sorts.

She stands there before me, trying to understand why I am so upset with something that Capitol has always done. Honestly I think about it, and it shouldn't bother me. It should be just another way the Capitol hasn't changed. It could be that I finally realize, what my father told me once, that I would understand when I had a family of my own. I thought he meant when I was married that I would understand, but all I understood was that I couldn't live my life without her. I understood that I couldn't let her go.

This time around, it is more, it is about their future. It is about making sure that they never have to go through the hardships that we had to go through. Was this what he was referring to? If they can easily get us to go along with this, how much easier would it be for our children? Could Katniss be right and I was only fooling myself into thinking that we can disappear, that no one can find us?

"Is this what it was like?" I say.

She walks over, now more surely of herself. She was walking on eggshells, just in case I had a full blown episode. Now that she sees that I am just upset, she can walk over and try to talk to me.

"What do you mean," she says sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Well my father always told me that I would know what it meant to have children by the constant worrying," I say. "I mean I haven't even seen her or him and I already love them. I think I may be upset because I don't want them to have to deal with this. I don't want for our children to have to deal with the Capitol and their manipulations."

She stands, walking over to me grabbing my hand.

"I don't know how," I start. "How do I…"

Nothing comes out. It is a fear that has gripped me that I cannot even begin to understand. I am extremely happy on one side, but unsure of how life is going to be.

I turn around and realize the ugly truth.

"I hate them for making me think of him in this way," I say disgusted.

"I don't understand Peeta," she says. "Let me in, so I can help. Help me understand."

The very thought, of it, brings me to an anger I hadn't thought was capable. It was something that I could hope to never think of, but our new addition to the family has caused me to stare at the ugly truth. I never had to because we never had the thought of having children.

"Katniss," I say. "Just thinking of our little miracle in there, I think about what I would do to protect you and her or him."

She grabs a hold of me and I realize that I had been pacing back and forth without even realizing it.

"I would have volunteered," I finally blurted out. "I would have fought for my child. He….he….he just…stood there in the bakery…."

It was the thought that had crept in the back on my mind ever since they told me that we were going back and that the Capitol was keeping an eye. I hid it to the back of my mind, not wanting to infect my heart, to taint his memory. But there it is, exactly what I felt, itching its way from the dark corners of my heart. This isn't the torture, it isn't the brainwashing, it is just the truth of how I feel.

"You tell me, that you wouldn't," I say. "And I will drop it…but you can't because you did what I had hope they would have done for me. You volunteered."

She looks at me stunned at the fact that this is the very first time that I had the ability to tell her something like this. I had always accepted the hand that I was dealt. It was the way it was suppose to be, no reason to cry about, or to wish it come out differently.

"I would have done something," I repeat to her. "To protect the child that I love something…anything. So if I would have because I love them before I even knew them, then it would mean…"

She places her hand on my mouth.

"Peeta," she says. "Don't."

I grab her hand and lower it.

"It isn't true, and you know it," she says.

I shake my head no.

"How can I know?" I ask.

She walks over and touching my heart she says. "You know it here."

I grab her hand and place it up to my head.

"But how can I trust it, when it is all up here…the doubt," I say. "The thought, the idea, Katniss, I don't want them to ever think this."

She looks around and sees the bags.

"Let's go," she says. "There has to be a train leaving tonight."

She starts to pick up the bags.

"Stop," I say. "The trains don't run to Twelve at this time."

"Peeta," she says handing me the bag. "We don't have to go to Twelve. Let's just get on a train out of this place. It is this place, it brings back bad memories."

She is always trying to protect me. Back when we were kids, when we were older and even now, she is still looking out for me.

"Okay," I say placing my bag on my shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

I grab her bag, and she puts on her jacket.

We wait a couple of minutes and check the hallway and see that no one is there. Liam and April they are probably in their room, unaware of what is going on.

"We can't leave them," I say. "I promised Sae, and Annie."

She nods and I walk over to their room. I knock softly on the door. I wait to hear the click. There is a couple of seconds before finally the click and the door slides open.

"Uncle Peeta," says Liam surprised.

"Get your things together, we are leaving in fifteen minutes," I say.

"Wait, what," he says. "I thought the train was coming in tomorrow morning."

"Change of plans," I say. "Tell you on the way. Fifteen minutes."

The door slides closed and I walk back to our room. She looks down to the sitting room and finds that no one is there. The attendants probably went home for night.

Katniss made the sign for around the corner. I sneak over to the other side of the hallway and come to the corner where I use the glass from the hanging artwork to spy down the entryway.

I turn back to her and nod no.

I hear the soft footsteps coming from behind. Katniss looks back and lets me know that both April and Liam is ready to go. We get onto the elevator and hit the button for the underground garage. The door slides closed and it is odd but I feel like this may be the last time I see this place and you know, it is definitely fine by me.

The elevator quickly goes down to the garage, when the doors opened. We scan the room and find it completely empty. There are no Capitol cars, nothing; it is just an empty garage. Who would have thought that this was the place where the horses were back in the opening games?

We walk to the gate and finally up and over the gate. If we are going to make it anywhere it will have to be on foot.

Walking over to the train schedule on the corner, I look over to the date and time. Just as I had suspected, no trains at this time, last one left at seven.

"No trains until tomorrow," I say to Katniss.

She looks around at the Capitol streets. It has been years since we have been here officially, and even then we are driven through the streets. The only real time we walk these streets was…

The memory is still too painful to think about, even after all these years. There is somewhere though, nearby.

"I have a place," I say. "It is near here, we can make it probably in twenty minutes or so."

Katniss turns to Liam and April.

"Keep your heads down and try not to make eye contact with anyone on the streets," she says. "We don't want to draw any attention."

I look for Grand Street. I can remember the bumps and the car ride. Two blocks left to Grand, then one block up where a pothole caused my attention to focus.

We walk a quick pace left two blocks to Grand, then one block up. I look to the street and find the balcony that I saw back then, when the car hit the pothole.

"Four blocks up and then two more blocks to the left," I say as we walk up the sidewalk.

There is hardly anyone on the streets at this time. The Training Center is close to the City Center where all the shops have come back to. This is the street that I avoid as too many people, too many memories.

The twist and back alleys, we make it back to the house that I remembered. Katniss looks at me wondering where we were.

"Peeta," she says. "Do you know who lives here?"

I turn back and look at them, tired and probably hungry from the walk.

"Come on," I say. "Don't worry."

Walking up to the door, I knock and wait. There is movement inside and finally the porch light turns on. I can hear lockets on the door, and finally it opens.

There stands an older gentleman, in a sweater and glasses. He holds in his hands a book, which reminds me that right now it is his daily reading time. We all keep our heads down, until I raise mines. In the light he looks up beyond the glasses and finally smiles.

"Peeta," he says. "Is that you?"

"Good evening Doctor Aurelius," I say. "Mind if we come in?"

"Of course," he says and steps to on side allowing me inside. I hear Katniss give Doctor Aurelius a large embrace and a laugh. Doctor Aurelius first came into my life when I was rescued from the Detention Center. He was only to be my attending physician and to see the extents of the damage the Capitol did to me.

Later on he told me that he requested to stay on as a sort of mentor because he had heard that my entire family was gone. He told me that he knew what it was like to be an orphan as he himself lost his parents early in life.

He became one of our largest supporters and even came to the rescue when they wanted to throw Katniss in jail for the rest of her life. He knew that he couldn't let them do that, that she was more a victim than anything else. We all grew from that, he would call us once every week just to see how we were doing. At first it was a mandated house arrest for Katniss's trail. After she was acquitted, he kept calling just to see how we were, because he cares.

Every year he sends us a gift on our birthdays. She would send Katniss books on how to knit, saying that it was a good hobby to pick up for hunters who need something to do with their hands. With me he would always send journals and paints. Pictures of places long forgotten, from before Panem even existed. The Capitol has archives of pictures of what life was before Panem. Pictures of a civilization that was before our own, he would send them to me so that I could be inspired by what he considered to be beautiful.

This was the only place I knew, the only place I remembered where I knew we would be welcomed. He always told me that I was welcomed here and that if I was ever in the Capitol that I could stay with him in my old room upstairs. He wanted to give me a key but he understood when I told him that my desire was to not come back to the Capitol.

Once we are all inside and the door is closed we all let out a sigh of relief.

"Now tell me," he says.

"Well, you know, I couldn't take one more night here," I say. "You were made aware of the arenas and the missions?"

He nods.

"Anything that has to do with you two, I am immediately notified," says Aurelius. "I do have to call and let them know where you are, but I know that there will be no problem with all of you staying here. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," says Katniss.

He frowns.

"So only one night to catch up?" he says.

"You know you are always welcomed to come down and stay with us," says Katniss.

"Probably this summer, when everything quiets down," says Aurelius.

Katniss nudges me and then gestures with her eyes to Liam andHe

April.

"Oh I am sorry, Doctor Aurelius," I say. "If Effie was here I would never hear the end of my bad manners. I would like to introduce you to Liam Odair and April O'Connor."

He shakes Liam's hand and then looks at him closely.

"Odair," he repeats. "I knew your father he was a good man. We talked back in District Thirteen. How is your mother?"

"You knew my father?" Liam asks.

"Yes," Aurelius responds. "I helped him through the beginning stages in District Thirteen. Then when your mother was rescued I helped her. Seeing those two together…your parents are amazing people. It was a night and day effect, as I can see with…"

He gestures to him and April. He smiles and April blushes but we all know that alone we are broken, together we are whole.

"Have you guys eaten yet?" says Aurelius.

"No, but if you had already had, it is quite alright," I say.

"Let me make the phone call, but in the meantime, leave your things upstairs," says Aurelius walking towards the study. "Peeta, you know the way."

I wave them upstairs, and we begin to walk up the steps. There are three rooms upstairs, Aurelius is at the end of the hall, and my old room is the first one against the street.

"You guys take this room," I say pointing to the middle room right off the steps. "We will be at the end of the hall."

They nod and go into their room as we walk down the hallway. Once in front of the door, I take a deep breathe and open the door. Seeing everything has been left the way I had left it all those years ago, is quite refreshing.

"Peeta," says Katniss walking around the room looking at the paintings. She traces the brush strokes on one, and walks to the next one where I used charcoal. "These are beautiful."

"You think so?" I say looking at them. "Did them so many years ago, I can't believe he still has them up."

The paint set is still on the ground closed. I walk around the room and place my fingertips on the wall where I remember the holes I did.

She looks at me as I stand there looking at the wall. Looking back at her, I explain the reasoning.

"Had to learn how to patch holes in walls in the beginning," I say. "You know had an anger issue."

"My regular Mr. Fix-it," she responds.

I place our bags in the closet and walk over sitting on the bed. She meets me on the bed and looks at me.

"Feeling better," she says.

I smile and look at her.

"Much better," I say. "This is the only place that I feel comfortable in."

I lie down on the bed and she follows me. The mattress springs make a noise and all I do is laugh. This little house is more of home than the fancy beds and sheets with the shower heads that have fifty different settings. This house has doors that have knobs and locks, windows that open like back in District Twelve.

There is a knock at the door. We both stand and see in the doorway Doctor Aurelius there.

"Everything is set, you guys can stay here and tomorrow they will come to get you to the train station," he says. "Dinner is almost ready. If you want vegetables, you know what to do."

We walk into the hallway and see that Liam and April were already walking down the stairs. We follow them downstairs; pass the pictures of the patients that Doctor Aurelius had helped along the years. Many of them soldiers from the war, they would come to him, suffering from not only physically but mentally as well.

They wait for us down at the foot of the stairs and I lead them to the dining room where the plates have already been placed.

"If you want vegetables, come with me," I say walking out to the kitchen and out to the outdoors. There in the outdoors in between two buildings lies a small garden that the good doctor and I planted so many years ago. Everything was manual labor; if you wanted something you had to plant it and water it, and take care of it.

"Each section is a different vegetable," I say to everyone. "We planted these a long time ago; it seems that Doctor Aurelius has been keeping up with it."

"Uncle Peeta," says April. "Part of your therapy after the war?"

"Somewhat," I say. "If I wanted anything here, it would have to be done with my two hands. So if I wanted carrots, then I had to plant carrots and water it and take care of it, until I had carrots. It helped me realize that everything in life is a process. Just like my therapy was a process and that I cannot have carrots in one day, but it takes time to get the things that I have always wanted."

"And what did you want?" asks Katniss knowing full well the answer.

Looking at her, I smile.

"Well what I wanted was to be the man that I was, the one in the cave," I say.

"And the patches in the walls?" says Aurelius.

"Umm, those," I say with a hint of shame. "Well those showed me that you have to be in control of your own body. So anything I broke, I had to fix. Good thing about all that, was that I was able to learn how to make a chair in a couple of hours, right?"

He nods in approval.

"Now sitting in that same chair," he responds. "Different story."

Katniss lets out a laugh and reminds me of the bench that I built when we finally made it out to the little house by the lake.

Doctor Aurelius, walks out to the garden picking up the baskets on the right to pick up his vegetables. We follow and when it is all said and done we walk back into the kitchen. In the dining room we see the bowls for soup and a big pot in the center.

The wooden table has six chairs, although Doctor Aurelius lives in this place all by himself. Once I asked him if he was ever lonely, and he told me that simply, 'that is what books are for, to lose yourself in them.'

He walks in with a wooden spoon and opens the pot.

"Hope you are in the mood for rabbit soup," says Doctor Aurelius.

We smile and thank him for making us feel so at home. This whole house was made for someone who was used to the simpler things in life. Even the food is meant for someone from the Districts.

"Rabbit?" says April surprisingly. "In the Capitol?"

"No my dear April," he says. "I had to get that from District Seven. Someone turned me to it and now I sometimes crave it."

He looks at me and I shrug.

"Sorry," I say. "It was the only thing we had in the house that day."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Our lives in District Twelve are actually quite peacefully. We don't want for much, and happy with what we have. The whole idea of the idea of the Capitol was always so foreign to me. It was an idea built on excess, and greed. To those that didn't have anything growing up doesn't really matter what they have, only who they are with.

To me, having her, is almost like having everything that I have wanted. I look around us and I know that this place is not the Capitol, this place is the District, sitting around just laughing and eating, enjoying each other's company.

I nod and we all being to eat at the table.

We start to eat and everyone really doesn't talk much. From what I can gather, it seems that they just want to eat and get upstairs to sleep. We have all had a long day and our bodies are just coming into realizing that.

The food is very hearty and filling; although I think that the food was for Doctor Aurelius to eat for at least a week. After everything is said, I stand and we bring the plates to the sink.

I see Liam and Doctor Aurelius begin to walk towards the study, more than likely to talk about Finnick his father. I really do hope that Doctor Aurelius can help Liam as I am pretty sure he still dealing with the death of his father. Probably he only wants to know from people who knew him, how he was.

Katniss grabs a towel and stands next to me. As I wash the bowls she dries them. Looking at her, her eyes gives me the same expression of buried pain. I wish she would let me in, sometimes. It is hard to see her like this, happy on the outside, hiding inside the way she would do back before the Games. She told me that her pain before was always about her father, and the fact that she missed him.

I know the feeling. Having to travel through this part of my life without him, how would I know how to be a good father?

Could it be that her pain now is about her mother? We didn't even bring her along with us, we couldn't. She is more involved with the new Capitol as the on-site medic. If she left then we would have never been allowed outside. I don't think that we were prisoners but there would be so much red tape to go through that we would have never been allowed outside.

I know now what I have to do. I walk over to her, and kiss her on her nose. She giggles and smiles at me. Grabbing her hand I walk her to the study.

I see Liam and Doctor Aurelius sitting there talking. I knock on the door frame and both of them look up at us.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," I say.

"Oh no, Uncle Peeta," says Liam. "We are actually done, I was just asking about my father."

He stands and thanks Doctor Aurelius for the talk. Walking towards us, he embraces Katniss first and thanks her for being there for him, and does the same for me.

These two kids, we have seen grow up with our very own eyes and we know what they were dealing with, having both of us lost fathers. We have become our own family, coming together and protecting each other. Many of the orphans of the war that ended up in the Institute back home ended up with families that had lost children.

We healed our district this way. The pain was lessening through families coming together. I think sometimes that the country healed this way, although we are still in process and I don't think the Capitol has caught wind of it.

"Okay um," I say. "Thomas, may I use your phone?"

He lowers his face as to see my facial expression without his glasses.

"Sure thing," he says standing up and walking over to the phone.

We walk into the study and turning I see that Katniss has her arms crossed holding tightly almost as she is cold. She starts to look at the books on the shelves.

Doctor Aurelius has many books in his study. He once told me that he read all of them and finds it hard to get rid of them. So instead he just accumulates new ones. The piles of books are all over the study, mostly near the reading lamp. He said to understand someone you must know them, and the only way to know them is to know as much about their surroundings as you can.

Doctor Aurelius turns and looks at me.

"Who do you plan on calling?" he asks.

He knows I don't know anyone's number. It is odd that I only know a handful of numbers, and even then I don't really remember any.

"Honestly I would like to speak with Katniss's mother," I say. "I want to let her know that we are all okay."

He shoots me a confused face but still picks up the phone.

"Yes, Doctor Thomas Aurelius," he says over the receiver. "Placing a secure line call to the Training Center."

I turn around and see her there, motionless. Walking over, I grab her hand and give a small peck on the cheek.

"You okay," I ask.

Like I had zapped her out of a trance, she focuses her eyes and then looks at me.

"Oh yes, I am fine," she says.

"Peeta," I hear coming from Doctor Aurelius.

I turn around and can see that he is handing me the receiver. I let her hand go and walk over to the telephone. Placing the phone on my ear, I suddenly go, blank, not knowing what excuse, what story I was going to say.

"Hello?" I say.

"Peeta Mellark, you had me worried," she says in a strict tone.

"I am sorry, I meant to tell you, but really," I say trying to think of the reason. It is the first time that my mind goes blank.

I can't do it. I use to be able to easily just come up with something. Her hand in my hand finally calms me.

I turn and look at her. Katniss tells me.

"Just tell her the truth."

Taking a deep breath I close my eyes and just tell her.

"I couldn't spend another night there," I say. "I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, Katniss wanted to go on the train, but I knew that there wasn't any running at this time," I look to Doctor Aurelius. "This is the only place I could think of that I can finally breathe. I am sorry that we didn't tell you."

There is a silence on the other end of the phone. For a minute I think that the line just went dead.

"Hello?" I say.

"I am still here," she says, her voice trembles a little bit. "I just thought for a moment."

"I know, and that is why I am sorry, that I didn't tell you," I say.

"I understand why you did what you had to," says Katniss's mother. "She is okay though? You know that she cannot be doing that much physical…"

"I am sorry, I know," I say. "Would you like to speak with her, she is next to me."

I hand her the phone and she takes it.

"Hi mom," she says.

There is a pause and I see her start to play with the cord of the phone. Seems like she is nervous and well I would be too.

"I know mom, I am sorry," she says. "We are all okay. Yes I will take it easy."

Doctor Aurelius shoots me a look, almost like a surprise one. He walks over to the book shelf and looks through his many books. I see the stacks on the ground, his note books spread out here and there. When we didn't have sessions, and I didn't feel like painting, or couldn't because nothing was coming, he would offer me books.

I remember those days, spending in the study just reading. It was enough to get my imagination going again, through the nightmares.

"If you can lose yourself in other worlds then you can find yourself there," says Doctor Aurelius.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well nightmares are memories of places you have been, right?" he says.

I nod and look down obviously still not over the one that I just had.

"You just had one right now?" he says.

"Yes," I say softly not wanting to talk about it.

He obviously senses my anxiousness and sits down on the chair.

"Don't worry, I will not ask you what it was about. That is for you to share. What I will say is this," he says. "If you could read about a place that exists only in the mind of the writer, then you tend to go there. It helps to keep your mind thinking of other things and not about the nightmares."

He hands me a book and I look at it. It is a very old book, rough green cover with gold color letters. I open the cover and to the first page, the title just stares there at me.

"The Book of Lullabies"

He looks at me and smiles.

"Take it," he says.

Looking back I see that Katniss is still talking to her mother. However now she is talking more quietly as to not involve us in the conversation. She smiles at me and continue to talk while I turn my attention to the book.

"Are you sure?" I say.

He nods.

"It is okay, I want you to have it," he says.

"What is that?" I hear behind me.

I turn and see that she had already finished her phone call and is now next to us. I hand her the book and she begins to leaf through the pages. She smiles as she realizes who the book is for.

"How did you know?" she says to Doctor Aurelius.

He takes off his glasses and motion for us to sit. We sit on the sofa, while he sits on the chair.

"Well it was what you selected for your vegetables outside. The way Peeta, didn't let you hold anything heavy like your bags. Peeta's need to let your mother know that you were okay, as well as your response, when you mentioned that you will be taking it easy," he says. "That and you have this natural glow."

"Thank you so much for everything," says Katniss as she stands. "I am a little bit tired."

Doctor Aurelius stands and she gives him an embrace before she starts to retreat upstairs.

"I will be up in a little bit," I tell her as she nods and continues upstairs.

At first we sit there at in silence, not really talking much. He picks up the book that he was reading before we knocked on his door. The lighting in the room is soft and inviting. The whole room has a glow of being in a comfortable state. Looking down I see my hands and how I have laced the fingers together, obviously trying to keep myself from trembling.

After a couple of minutes of just sitting there, I look up and he looks at me.

"So, Peeta," he says. "What is bothering you?"

I look at him and the words just don't come out. I don't know how to start, or what to say. So many things are rushing through my mind, causing me to worry, to be anxious, and yet how do I explain it. What words can I offer?

Finally I just take a deep breath and looking at him, I say.

"It is a lot of things," I say stopping.

"Well start with the first thing," he says putting down the book and taking off his reading glasses.

"I don't know how to protect her," I say. "It is what we have to do next that worries me."

He smiles and looks at me.

"Always thinking of other people," he says.

"It is everything," I say. "What if I am not a good enough? I try to remember how my father was with me, but it gets harder and harder especially with what happened to me."

"The only thing you can do, Peeta," he starts. "Is be who you are. You once told me that Katniss told you that she loves you not for the man you were, but the man you were becoming. Trust in that, and believe me your children will love you the same."

I look at the clock and see that it is late in the evening.

"You must be tired," says Doctor Aurelius.

I shrug.

"Not as bad as before," I say.

"Still having the nightmares," he asks.

"They never go away," I say. "I just have gotten better at not reacting. Lately I have been having them; it is always the same one though.

"The one of the fire?" he responds.

I nod my head yes.

"I wake up and still think that I am burning," I say. "Will it ever go away?"

He walks over and sits next to me. He places her arm over my shoulders.

"You know the answer to that," he says. "They will never fully disappear. All you can do is fill your life with good memories and sooner rather than later all you will remember is the good ones."

He pats my back and I stand, thanking him for everything.

"You know that this is still your home, whenever you like," he says. "Until tomorrow."

I walk upstairs and down the hall towards the room. I see the light is still on from under the door. Opening the door I see her there leafing through the book of lullabies, smiling, her hand rubbing her stomach.

She turns and pats the space next to her. I take off my shirt and just let it fall to the ground. She moves the sheet and lets me in.

I lay down next to her and she shows me a lullaby about a girl with flowers. The book has the children lullabies written next to a picture of what it is about.

Katniss points at the picture.

"It looks like Prim running through the field," she says sweetly. She hands me the book and I kiss her on her cheek.

"A little girl runs through the field,

Loving life, loving flowers

That bloom from the mid afternoon showers

The rainbow of colors,

Red ones, blues ones, white ones

Filled the field where it grows

A secret place where only she knows

In the heart of her parents

Who love her so"

She smiles as I close the book. I kiss her once on the lips and then kiss the belly where our little child lives. Her hand reaches for mines and I meet it there as we look at the rings.

"Reason" and "living"

She places both of our hands on her stomach, and there in the moonlight, our reason for living has changed and grown, to include the little miracle child.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before getting in her usual spot. I look up at the ceiling and think about all the things that are yet to come. The thoughts of a whole new arena echo in my mind. What will the new arena bring, what sort of security the Capitol put there.

My eyes begin to close and I begin to dream.

I feel the strong rock on my hand and how smooth it is. It is a dark grayish color and I begin to stare at it, knowing that I had seen this place before. There is a sense of peace in the air, almost like I am safe in this place. I turn slowly around and see the supplies in the two packs. She is there sleeping in our sleeping bag, almost like it once was back in the Games, back when I told her that I loved her. The light begins to trickle in through the cave opening. It dances on the walls and the ceilings, bringing everything to focus.

The fact that the sun is coming out from the trees, the sound of the stream; it is the start of a new day, it is what causes me to smile, probably it won't be that bad. I sit down on a rock next to her and just softly touch her face with the tips of my fingers, outline her cheek, moving her hair out of her face.

That is when I hear it. The cannon fires and it causes me to freeze.

A cannon? My immediate reaction is to come to the foot of the cave and look outside. What is going on? Nothing. Everything looks the same. Did I imagine it? It had to be, the Games were over long time ago. There are no more tributes coming for us through the woods, there are no more mutts trying to hunt us down, or tracker jackers to sting us and kill us.

I turn into the cave and look at Katniss there sleeping. It had to be my imagination, but it was clear as day. I walk over to her and wake her up gently.

Her eyes open and she looks at me.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"A cannon," I tell her.

"You sure?" she asks.

"Cannot be one hundred percent," I say. "I think it had to be my imagination."

I help her up and we walk back to the foot of the cave. Looking outside I see the scenery had changed and now the whole forest is on fire. The look of terror is her eyes are enough to get us out the cave and running down the stream. I grab her hand and we are running.

"The lake," I yell out.

The splashing of the water on our feet is enough to tire us. I can feel her hand slipping. Looking back I try and grab it more tightly.

"Reach for me," I tell her. "Don't let go."

The fire following us, the heat unbearable and burning brightly, as it chases us through the stream. I look back to the front and cannot see what is ahead, but I feel her hand sharply slip through my fingers.

Turning back she is gone. The pain and the fear are immediate and strong.

"Katniss!" I yell out, and listen for a respond, but it is nothing but the fire. I look frantically around me, on the ground and nothing.

That is when the fire comes and begins to consume me.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

With my eyes closed, I try to forget what's happening, try to go to another place but the smell is undeniable, and is tattooed in my mind, in my memories. The sensation of having your skin being burned is something that you could never erase. The pain is of a thousand little needles pricking your skin without stopping. It is something that even when you pass out from the pain, you can still feel it.

My eyes open to a dark room and I find that although it was just a dream and I knew that it was the same sensation of being burned alive it is still there. No tears this time, no violent jerking, no screaming out, this time it is just the opposite, no more tears, still as I can, with no sound.

I stare at the door, and realize where I am. I feel her hand on my shoulder and I know that I had tossed a little bit. She was probably exhausted and didn't feel me tossing, or I probably didn't even move all that much. My body aches all over, and I know that the adrenaline that was pumping is now no longer there.

A lot of medical doctors have suspected that with every episode the body suffers more and more, it is after all just muscles. There are no talks about what may happen, but everyone knows that a body can only take so much. Most of the time I do not think about it, but thank everyday that I have with Katniss as a miracle, there is however a new fear with the child that is coming. A new knot in my stomach has been there ever since the arena.

Will I even be there to see them grow up?

I swing my leg over to one side, and run my hands through my sweat filled hair. Trying not to think about it has helped in the beginning, when it was just me and her. Looking back I see her there sleeping, so peaceful and quiet, not a care in the world.

I wouldn't have changed a single thing in my life I think to myself. Turning around I see my artificial leg there on the ground. Grabbing it, the metal is smooth to the touch and almost a shock to my skin.

I slip it on and stand. I see the old shirt on the ground and putting it over my head I quietly walk towards the door. My thought is that she would stay and sleep the most she can as now her body needs it. Placing my hand on the door knob, I think that these would be the only time that I wish for the sliding doors that make no noise.

The slightest click of the door knob and I look back to see that Katniss has rustled a little bit, and I think that I might pass out from holding my breathe. The door swing softly with no noise and I slowly close it behind me, not clicking the door knob. The hallway is dark and long.

Good thing the stairs are close to the center of the room where the only ones that could hear anyone coming up or down would be Liam or April. I do make it a point to walk as softly as possible to attract the least amount of noise. The stairs are soft with carpet on the steps to soften the steps. I always told Doctor Aurelius that it is a safety issue but he would just laugh and tell me that it isn't the Games or the War.

Once I am down the stairs I put on my jacket and walk out the front door. I see the darkness and the loneliness of the streets. Not too long ago these streets were filled with pods and security traps for the rebels. The images are so fresh that I am a little overwhelmed at first.

I place my hands on the railing of the front stoop. Easing myself down on the front step I just sit down. This is as far as I am able to go, I guess.

I cup my hands and begin to blow hot air into them, rubbing them trying to get feeling back into them. The air is cool, and it could be the mountain air, or the fact that we are close to the winter months, either way it is cold.

Taking deep breathes, I find that the stillness calms me; it takes my mind off of things. Pretty soon, the world will wake up and we will have to do the same. Getting in a car to the train station, riding on the train through Panem, where we will finally arrive at our home in District Twelve and then to prepare for the next fight of our lives.

I hear the click of the front door, and know that someone has followed me outside.

"Brrr," she says. "It is cold."

I smile and stand turning around to find Katniss standing there.

"Katniss, what are you doing," I say standing and wrapping her with my jacket.

"I woke up and you weren't there," she says.

Buttoning the jacket up to her neck, she just smiles and rubs my arms.

"What about you?" she says. "Aren't you going to get cold?"

I shrug.

"It is okay," I say. "Not really cold."

"Why are you out here?" she asks. "Couldn't sleep?"

I nod softly.

"Hard to find a place of peace where all I see is death and destruction around me," I say.

"It will be over soon," she says trying to comfort me. "We will be back in our house and you can forget about this entire place."

She opens her arms and motions the entire Capitol. She smiles at me and I know that she means it. That after this time our desire is not to come back to this place; back to this graveyard. The destroyer of life that is the Capitol, I an sure people might say that it isn't this new Capitol, but they don't see behind the scenes, behind the veil, there are still people with the old mentality.

She opens the door and grabs another coat, unbuttons my coat and places hers on.

She hands my coat back to me and helps me button up just like I did. Once the last button is done, she lowers her hands tracing my arms and finally rest by grabbing both of my hands.

Her gaze holds me there, transfixed. It is a moment that I hold my heart in hers. She holds me there and finally she smiles almost as if everything else doesn't matter.

"Come on, let's go for a walk," she says.

One step, and then another one, everything begins to make sense even though nothing has changed. Just the fact that I am with her and everything make sense.

We walk a couple of steps down the Capitol Street. The trees rustle with the wind of the empty street. There is no one on the streets or on the sidewalks. The houses made of brick and from an older time before the Capitol. The streets smaller than usual, only really allowing a two way street, there are more comfortable to walk in than drive.

The blinds are drawn on the houses that we pass, a family inside more than likely. Soon enough our family will be inside the security of our own home, in the arms of loving parents.

We are almost at the end of the street before I stop her. She turns and looks at me.

"I am tired," I say. "Katniss, I am tired."

She raises her hand to my cheek.

"I know, Peeta," she says. "I know."

She caresses my cheek with her hand. I lift my hand, grabbing hers, and kiss it softly.

"Will they ever let us go?" I ask.

"Soon," she says. "It will change soon. I promise you."

A truck nearby honks and I look up to see the newspaper truck stopping to give the corner store its daily newspaper. Looking at the top of the bundle I see something that catches my eyes.

'Supply train delayed en route to District 9'

The trucks engine misfires and I look quickly up. Katniss just laughs at me there with my eyes wide opened.

"You look like buttercup," she says. "That day with the fireworks."

I smile and remember that day. It was the day the new President took power. It was a celebration that our new government was of the people, a newly born republic. Buttercup cannot stand either the thunder nor could he stand fireworks. I never saw that cat shake so much, more than likely remembering the bombs of the hovercrafts. I can only imagine if the screaming and the yelling of the people running for their lives still haunts him. Do cats dream and if so, do they have nightmares?

Walking back we can see the sunrise peeking through the buildings. The soft color yellow mixes with the orange and invades the grayish color of the sky. Grey. What an interesting color. Many might think that it is a bland color. It is more than that. Although the color is not unique it shows us the promise of something beautiful. When it mixes with the colors it causes such a beautiful result, a fiery color that comes out of the sky.

We walk back to the eight or nine houses to Doctor Aurelius house. Walking up the steps and finding the light in the study. The door of course is still unlocked and when we walk in, we see the good doctor there in the study moving some of his books. As he stands he looks at us and smiles.

"How did you two sleep?" he asks.

"Well," I say. "One day I will sleep the full day. I know that day will come soon."

They both look at me, and I just smile.

"That is until the baby comes and then I don't think that I will never sleep at night," I say laughing.

She shoots me a look.

"You think I won't be up there with you?" she says accusatory.

Looking at her.

"Katniss, I wouldn't mind the company you know that, but I would want you to sleep," I say.

She kisses me on the cheek and all I can do is just feel my cheeks get red. Just then I hear the upstairs begin to move.

Looking up to the ceiling, Katniss starts to laugh.

"Just think, they are hunters," she says. "A deaf person can hear them coming."

We hear them getting everything ready.

"Cars will be here in one hour or so," says Doctor Aurelius.

"I will get everything ready," I say to her.

She nods and I walk up the stairs to the second floor landing. The muffling sound of people talking is behind the door. I walk and knock on the door shouting.

"One hour."

The door quickly opens and I see Liam with his hair all messed up. It reminds me of that day back in District Four, when Effie came to get us. One can only imagine what they were doing behind closed doors.

"Okay, Uncle Peeta," he responds.

"One hour," repeats April from inside the room.

The door quickly closes and I shake my head smiling as I walk down the hallway to my old room. Once inside I see the bed has already been made. The bags have already been packed and done. A shirt is placed on the bed and a change of jeans. Taking off my shirt put it in the empty bag that is left there for our old military uniforms.

The new clean shirt is the brown one that I would wear in our house. It is faded and old, but it is the most comfortable thing that I own. I sometimes find Katniss wearing it around the house, and I would have to chase her for it. Of course I would always tell her that it looks better on her anyways, which she would always smile and remember of that day in the lake when we were swimming.

Grabbing both bags I walk slowly downstairs and find her there talking to Doctor Aurelius. He is on the sofa with her, and his arm around her. I sit on the step on the stair and just listen.

"He is struggling," says Doctor Aurelius. "He needs you to steady him."

She lifts her hands to her face.

"How?" she says. "I feel sometimes that he is shutting me out."

"Katniss, remember when we would talk on the phone?" he says. "All those years ago?"

"Somewhat," she says unsure.

"Well you remember when I told you about how much Peeta loved his dad?" he says.

She nods.

"Well he is going to be one," he says. "Think about it. You lost your dad in a painful way, so did he. He is probably thinking about his own mortality."

Looking down, I realize that I shouldn't be listening to this. It is not my place to know the intimacy of someone. Sure they are talking about me, but I feel, I don't know, like I shouldn't be listening.

I stand and make it a point to step on the wood and not the carpet. This causes the step to creek, which immediately causes Katniss and Doctor Aurelius to quiet their conversation.

"Peeta," says doctor Aurelius.

Lifting up the bags I gesture that I am all but ready to go.

"Going to get freshened up," says Katniss walking pass me and up the steps. Once she is upstairs he looks at me.

"So how much did you hear?" he says.

Surprised I know that it is impossible to lie to him. So I just confess.

"Not much," I say. "But wait, how did you know? I really wasn't on purpose trying to…"

"Well remember that time you fell going up the steps all those years ago?" he asks.

"Yes," I say. "How could I forget, I must have broken one or two of the steps when I fell."

"The repairs always did leave the creaking on those two steps," he says. "Until well we put in the carpet."

Don't know where this is going but more than likely I didn't catch it.

"Well you wouldn't have missed the carpet on purpose unless you overheard something and wanted to make sure we knew that you were there," he says.

"You sure you didn't work in the intelligence agency?" I ask.

He lets out a laugh and nods no.

"They did ask though," he says. "Something about mapping something, asked a couple of months ago. I told them that I was too old for that experimental stuff."

I just sit down next to him and finally thinking about what he said. The fact that he knows me so well sometimes scares me because only my father knew me so well.

"You know she is only trying to help," he says.

"I know," I say. "It is hard to admit your own, you know."

"You cannot push her away, to protect her from hurting down the line," he says. "You are only hurting her now."

It makes sense though, what he says. Truth be told, I didn't even think that I was doing that, but I have been keeping things from her.

"And besides, I am still not giving up on getting you back to your old self," he says smiling pointing at all the books on experimental genetics on the ground. "You trust me all those years ago, and I told you that progress even small is still progress. So trust me that we will get you to be as old as me, and even older."

"Okay," I say feeling a little bit optimistic about it.

"Plus you have a new little miracle to fight for," he says.

The creek in the step causes Doctor Aurelius to smile and pat me on the thigh.

"Seems like we have a visitor," he says in a hush voice.

Standing I see her there arms crossed with her hair back in her usual braid. I walk over to her and finally she embraces me. Carrying this inside ever since we got married has been a weight on my shoulders. Trying to not think about leaving her a widow or now a single parent is something that I will fight for.

"I am sorry," I say. "I didn't know how to tell you."

Her embrace tightens and I know that she is just happy that I am still willing to let her in. It is something that I never wanted to do, to push her out, but in my mind I saw how losing her father was hard enough as a small child, losing Prim nearly killed her, I guess I just didn't want it to happen again.

"Ssssh," she says in my ear. "It is okay."

I pull off a little bit.

"It isn't okay," I say. "You are the only one that I want inside, but I didn't want you to have to think about it."

The sadness in her eyes is enough to know that she probably already knew. It is hard to keep things from her, and I know that I never want to. We made it one of our promises to each other, to never hide things from each other.

A knock on the door and we all look outside the study windows and the black Capitol vehicle waiting with an escort.

"Looks like our ride is here," says Katniss.

Both Liam and April run down the stairs and say their thanks to Doctor Aurelius for allowing them into his home, before opening the door. They are more excited to get home than we are. I guess that is how we was when we were their age, in a hurry to get back to the normalcy of life.

Katniss hugs Doctor Aurelius.

"You know, words could never be enough to thank you," she says. "For my life, for his."

He smiles and Katniss walks outside.

We stand there for a couple of seconds before I just couldn't hold it anymore. I hug him, like I was hugging my own father. How I miss him, and wish that he was here to help me through this. In the wake of his death, I have had many people take me in. Katniss mother invited me into her family, as well as Doctor Aurelius who acted like my surrogate father.

Our makeshift family, from different patches of lives, look like an old quilt that has been taken apart and re-patched together, is something to be grateful for. We will forever be connected through the tragedies that we had suffered.

The couple of seconds seemed to be an hour, but the pat on the back lets me know that it is time to go.

"You will come and visit when our child is born?" I say.

He nods and tells me that nothing would stop him from coming. I walk outside and immediate I am found in the cold weather of the Capitol. The winter months are certainly coming and hopefully we can get this done before it comes.

The attendant opens the door and I get into the large black car. As the door closes I see Doctor Aurelius in his sweater vest just standing there in the doorway waving us off.

I lift my hand up to respond and he smiles as the car begins to drive off. Our destination is the train station, so the driver quickly drives through the now busy morning streets of the Capitol. Funny how a couple of minutes can get everything going in the Capitol, all the trucks making deliveries to stores and some of the children walking on the sidewalks to the nearby bus stops.

A mother there walks with her child hand in hand. I turn to Katniss who has been holding my hand ever since I got into the car. It is the promise of the new day starting. Next stop District Twelve.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Closing your eyes when you are moving is always a trick that my father would do when we walk to school.

"It is a way to imagine yourself going somewhere else," he would say.

It is things like that, the simple things that make you smile that I wish I could remember. They come in flashes now. Almost like an old video playing, it is still missing pieces here and there but it still doesn't feel like they are my memories, but someone else's.

The soft arms of the chair is all I can feel as I my eyes are closed. The memory of an old Justice Building, seeing my mother and my father there, they are both so close that I can touch them. My hand wants to reach out and touch them but they feel so very far away.

I can feel the warm sun on my face. It reminds me of so many times we would walk through the District, me and my father. It has been a while since I have been able to talk to him. It is almost like as the years go by, I forget a little bit more of him. The only thing that helps me remember is the smells of freshly cooked bread.

I feel her hand on mines. Opening my eyes I see the world outside flying so quickly, that I cannot make out the details. The train rumbles through Panem at its usual high speed.

Everyone is having breakfast at this time, even Haymitch. Me myself, I don't know but I am not very hungry. I don't know if it is because it is from the Capitol or just that my stomach isn't doing so well.

Turning my head I see her there.

"You sure you aren't hungry," I say to her.

She nods her head no.

"I don't know if it is the little one, but I just feel nauseous. So the thought of eating something on a moving train doesn't sit well," she says.

I place my hand on the back of her head and begin to massage it. She just closes her eyes and sighs in content. Her hair as soft as I have ever felt it, although it is still in a braid, she has done it in a lose braid that can easily come apart if needed.

"You want to go rest in the room?" I ask.

With her eyes closed, she nods no.

"I am comfortable right here with you," she says as she lifts her feet and tucks it under, like she did so many times before. "Just wish I had a nice hot cheesebun though."

I smile and begin to swirl my hand around her hair.

"Well we are almost home," I say.

She lets out a deep sigh or relief and repeats the word 'home.'

It is the way she says it, and I know that she is missing our little house. It is the way we can just disappear for days and months had always been a sort of appeals of the forest.

She slowly drifts off to sleep and I just sit there watching her. It is one of the things that I love to do when she falls asleep during the day. I can still remember the first time I did that.

We were still in the cave and she had just had fallen asleep. She asked me to wake her up in a couple of hours, but I just let her sleep, it was raining and nothing really was going on. It was the night though, when we lost Thresh. It was hard for her to accept that both Rue and Thresh was gone. It was hard for both of us.

The other times I just grab a pad of paper and spend hours just trying to capture every curve, every line. This time though I think I will just watch her the way I remember it back in the cave. Brushing back her hair from her face, I lightly kiss her on her the top of her head.

I remember, it is what I would do when she would be falling asleep. The train begins to slow and I know that we are at the halfway point to District Twelve. The attendant comes into the sitting room. I make it a point to him to not make any noise. He quickly makes a retreat but not before bumping into something near the wall. I think it might have been an end table.

Her eyes open just a little and she smiles.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asks.

"Almost," I say.

"Was having a most beautiful dream of a field covered with white lilies," she says.

I smile.

"Just like the lullaby?" I say.

She nods.

"It was peaceful there," she says. "I saw a little girl that sort of look liked Prim running through the field, laughing."

I place my arms under her knees and around her shoulders. She places both of her arms around my neck as I lift her up in my arms. I walk towards the hallway and into the next car where our rooms are located. Once inside, I slowly put her down on the bed. Looking at her there, she still had that wonderful smile on her face. I cannot remember when the last time I saw her with a smile so soft and real. I lie next to her and she reaches for my hand.

"What about Lilly," I say.

She turns to look at my eyes.

"If it is a girl?" I say.

Traditions are that names are not given to the children until they are born. Back in District Twelve we didn't have fancy hospitals or anyway really to know if it was a girl or a boy. There wasn't really that much joy back then. It was about the Games and the fear of them going into them to die. We had even heard rumors of mothers who would drown their newly born to spare them from the Capitol's death.

Names for babies to those who survived the starvation would be given when they were born. I never really knew the reason why I was named Peeta, but it was my father who gave me the name.

"Short of course for Lillian," I continue.

She looks at me a little puzzled.

"After my mother?" she says.

"Well I just saw this little girl running through the field of lilies and the way you smiled, I knew that it was her name," I say.

"Lillian Mellark," she says repeating it.

Looking at me, she smiles and nods.

"Okay," she finally says and then adds. "But what if it is a boy?"

Hadn't really thought of it, it was after all the first thought that I had about a name. What if it is a boy, I wonder.

"Well," I say. "Don't really know."

She makes a face as she is trying to think about it.

"How about Thomas?" she says.

"After my father?" I say.

She smiles and I look at her.

"Okay," I say.

Her smile is so soft and beautiful at the thoughts of the name of our child, that with the tip of finger I trace it.

She just giggles and of course calls me silly. It is the first time that we have had a thought of the future that wasn't terrifying. It was a thought that whatever happened that we would face it together. There was no mention of the mission or the Capitol, or even the possibilities of other horrible things. The only thing that we could think of at that time is a little girl running through a field of lilies.

Closing her eyes, I recite the last phrase from the little lullaby that started it all.

"A secret place where only she knows

In the heart of her parents

Who love her so"

I kiss her on her lips and then kiss her belly which has yet to show any sign of the baby but soon enough.

The train begins to start again and all I can do is just lie there facing her as she sleep. The sunlight trickled in from the cracks of the door.

Closing my eyes, I begin to dream. Seeing the sunlight trickled through the trees. I can feel the trees and smell the clean air of the mountains. The crunchy leaves underneath my boots, the time for winter is approaching. It is probably a couple of weeks before snow falls. You can tell that even the forest tells you when things are about to change.

Looking up I see the trees hiding something. The light plays on the leaves in a way that calls me to find it. Almost like it is playing hide and seek. I make my way through the trees, placing my hands on the bark, feeling the roughness of the wood on my palm. The time is endless and I feel that I could walk in this endless forest forever. It is the thought that stops me from continuing. Looking around I try to find a uniqueness to it, something to guide me along the way.

That is where I hear it. The faint sound of a child laughing, in a distance to my right, it calls on me to follow it. I turn my head and look to the source. It is far but I think I can follow it. It isn't like in a cave where it would bounce and confuse, no; this one is out in the open where you can easily follow.

My footsteps quicken and I can hear the laughter getting louder and louder. It is in the right direction. I am moving in the right direction. The sounds of the leaves quickly fall away and all I can hear is the sound a child laughing.

The playful sound and the pitch of the laughter and I know that it is a laugh from a little girl. Following it is all I can think of now, there is nothing in my mind that can sway me, nothing in my heart that can move me. I have been completely entranced by the simple sound of a little girl laughing.

The light grows brighter as the sound of the laughter gets louder and louder. My heart races to the beat of the laughing.

I am almost there. I have almost made it. The light grows and grows, until finally it is completely engulf my sight and I have to close my eyes in order to not be blinded. The laughter is pure music to my ears; it brings me a calm that I only knew came from Katniss.

My eyes want to open, but when I do, all I see is that I was dreaming and now I am in the bed sleeping next to her. Her eyes, those beautiful grey eyes just stare at me from a couple of inches away. She has been looking at me, for I don't know how long.

"You were dreaming," she says.

I look at her smiling and can tell that we were thinking of the same thing, the same person.

"Yes," I say. "The most beautiful laughter that I had ever heard."

She places her hand on my chest and feels the rhythm of my heart beat.

"How is it, Doctor?" I say.

Her smile lessens and then finally she opens her mouth.

"So-so," she says. "A little bit too calm for my taste."

She leans in and kisses me the way that causes me to forget where I am. It is probably an hour; wait, could it be an hour, or a couple of minutes.

My mind races from one thought to another. It is almost like I don't even know where I am; even who I am doesn't really matters. It is like it once was. The very thought of a little girl running through the fields of lilies has finally mended what was keeping us apart.

Finally she moves away from me.

All I am left with is a longing, a desire for her lips again. To feel the love coursing through my veins, enveloping me, removing every fear, every doubt, leaving me in a state of happiness that borders on deliria.

"Much better," she says pressing her hand on my chest. "The irregular beats are what I am use to."

"Did I tell you today," I begin to say.

"No," she says. "But I think I already knew."

"I still want to tell you every day," I say.

"I know," she says. "I feel the same way."

She looks at me and then moves her hand to brush my hair. It is the tender side of her that hardly anyone sees. It is meant only for me. It is the side of totally freedom that we have when we finally let go of our own fears and our anxieties and just lose ourselves in each other.

She leans to me and fits so well in the little cup that I have made for her in my body. Placing her head on my chest, ever so lightly she can feel the heart beat and again closes her eyes. I place another quick glance at the window and see that the train is slowing down.

Could it be that we are finally almost home. The thought of it just brings me a sigh of relief. Just to feel the energy of District Twelve is enough to calm us, and keep us grounded. This whole trip to the Capitol really causes us both to go through changes that neither of us like all that much.

Memories of pain and lost is always something that we never want to remember, but instead we try and keep a hold on the good memories, the happy ones.

Most of them however are in our little house. It is those memories where I feel that I am my most at peace. It is those mornings that sometimes I would wake up and hear her singing in the kitchen. It isn't really a song, but just harmony that she just strings together. She told me once that her father would do that with her in the woods. It was to keep her from feeling scared of the man-eaters and the wild dogs.

"Hey," I say softly. "I think we are pulling into the train station."

She gives me a soft moan and slowly pulls away. I see the smile on her face and I know that she feels the same way I do now.

"Cheesebuns," she says.

Letting out a laugh, I am reminded of the hovercraft ride into the Capitol back from the Arena site.

"Seems like someone's appetite is back," I say. "However, cheesebuns for breakfast is not really all that good for you."

She looks at me like she is thinking of something.

"Who says that I only want cheesebuns for breakfast," she says with a playful tone in her voice.

It is great to see, but it happens to both of us. The closer we get back home, the more we can be ourselves. It is almost like we become different people when we are in the Capitol. We become people of our own worst nightmares.

"As soon as we are back in our little house, I will make you everything that you want," I say. "Although I think we should probably at least spend one night in the Victor's Village."

She looks at me with a frown.

"Well, I want to make sure that we are both rested," I say. "That and we need supplies, remember? We did pack up everything for the winter."

She nods no.

"You sure it isn't because you haven't quite figured out how to make a swing set," she says laughing.

I look at her and can't help but laugh alongside with her. That really wasn't the reason, but it is a good enough one to try and figure out. All we really need is rope and strong pieces of wood for the teepee legs.

"That really isn't the reason," I say.

"Hmm hmm," she says not quite believing me, but taking it under advisement.

The train finally stops and someone comes on the speakers.

"We have reached our destination, District Twelve," the young man says. "Please pick up your belongings and thank you for riding with us."

I quickly stand and help her up. Our bags were never unpacked so they were there right in front of the doors. She slips on her shoes and I place on my boots. Walking with her I pick up the bags and place them both over my shoulder.

"Sure you don't need me to help?" she says. "I mean I can still do it, and will have to in a week anyways."

Looking at her, I can't help but tune out the last part of her statement. For a week I do not want to know the Capitol or arenas or missions, all I want to know is her and our little child growing inside.

"Didn't get that last part, probably it is my lost of hearing," I say laughing.

She smiles and nods getting what I was getting at. We walk to the train entrance and finally the doors open and we are off through the train station. It is quiet and in the morning hours there are not that many people traveling to the Capitol. There is a family though there waiting with their bags. Obviously going to experience what the Capitol really is, and how their shops and gardens are beautiful to say the least.

We nod to a couple of people who recognizes us. They say good morning and tell us thank you. It is still kind of hard to take in, people thanking us even after all these years. Most of the newer generations only know the Peeta and Katniss from the stories of the War and the Games; they can't put two and two together and realize that we are the same people.

We stop at the edge of the platform and look back to see that Liam and April are quickly following us. I want to make sure that I get April to her grandmother before she kills me. We walk through the Square and I can see that the Bakery is just opening up. I wave and they wave back welcoming us back to the District.

"Probably I will go into the bakery a little bit later," I say to Katniss.

She looks at me.

"Can I go with you?" she asks.

"You never have to ask, you can come with me anywhere," I say.

"Good," she says. "I can probably stop at the hardware store, and get our supplies that we need."

April looks at us.

"Supplies?" she asks.

"For the house," I say. "We need to make some repairs."

Of course Katniss and I know that it for the house in the lake, but they think that it is for the house in the Victor's Village. While walking towards the Victor's Village I see Sae there sitting on the porch of my house. I had given her the ability to stay in my house seeing how no one really spends any time there. It is better than the house down in the Seam, especially with the winter months coming up.

In the distance I see her look up and finally stand. I haven't seen April run so fast, but I could understand her missing the only family that she has. They embrace the whole time while we walk up to the house.

Looking over to Liam, I can see for the first time, how nervous he is. This couldn't be the first time he has met Sae, so there could only be one reason why he would be nervous.

Looking over and I know the nervousness that he might be feeling. I have been there when I asked Katniss's mother.

He looks over to me and all I can say.

"Don't worry, just be yourself, and ask her," I say.

He nods and we finally make it to the porch of the house in the Victor's Village.


	21. Chapter 21

Part III

"Her Father's Star"

Chapter Twenty One

Walking up to my house in the Victor Village, I can just think about how nice it is to come home to a home cook meal. It is that very thought that lifts anyone's spirit. Looking at the house, and I realized that the house has been well kept. Thinking to myself I wonder, how long have we've been gone? It feels like months but it could be almost two weeks.

Sae just looks at me and then at Katniss and without a word, she just gives us both a long embrace.

"Thank you for bringing her back to me," she says.

"I made a promise," I say. "But you know Liam never left her side."

She then lets us go and sees Liam there and hugs him as well.

It is at that time that I see Katniss give me a small wink and smirk.

"Come inside," she says. "I have breakfast prepared."

Once inside I see that there is enough food for all of us. The smell that comes from the kitchen is so delicious that I close my eyes and just let it take over my other senses. That is of course until I hear someone that I haven't heard in a while.

"Welcome back," I hear. From the kitchen I see Thom walking out. He has an apron and flour on his face, seems like he was either cooking or baking or both.

Thom would be the only person to know that we were on the transport coming home. He is after all the Mayor of District Twelve. Any classified information he would be privy to.

"We are going to get freshened up and put away our bags," I say to the group.

The walk is only a couple of minutes away and by the time we are at the front door you can tell people have already started eating breakfast together.

Inside we find that our little house has been maintained and cleaned. Seems Sae was coming over and making sure that everything was in order for when we got home.

"Finally," she says from behind me.

Turning around I see that her smile goes from ear to ear. It is enough to make me want to just twirl her around. We are finally home.

"Hey I have something I wanted to run by you," I say to Katniss.

She looks up.

"What are your thoughts if I give Sae my old house?" I say. "It would be easier for her in the winter months and well I think that it is the right thing to do."

She smiles and nods.

"I like it," she says.

"It is already cleaned out anyways. Nothing of mines really is there," I say.

She reaches and grabs my hand softly. Her eyes twinkle in the morning light through the closed blinds.

"See this is why I love you," she says. "Because of the things you do for others. You never really think about yourself, do you?"

I don't know, it has always been a sort of impulse of mines. To make people feel good about themselves, to always wanting to help anyone and everyone.

"Don't know, just been inside of me all this time," I say. "Something my father once told me. That we are in this together."

She must know that I meant even back then when the Capitol was holding us all prisoners. We all believed that although we were all separate from each other, that there was a bond that held us all together. A bond that no Capitol, nothing could keep us, even though we never saw what was going on in the other district, it was that bond that kept us from finally dying out and giving up, the bond that we were meant to be free.

She leans in and gives me a kiss lightly on the tip of my nose.

"I love it when you do that," I say knowing full well that she hardly does.

She smiles and walks up the steps with her bag.

"Going to get freshened up," she says. "Be right down in a couple."

Finally sitting down, on my sofa it is enough to get me to finally relax. The weight of the world is finally off my shoulders, for at least a couple of days. Right now all it is just me and her.

The thought lingers in my mind for a little bit. I can hear the water start and I know that she will be only a couple of minutes. Putting up my feet on the coffee table, I think to myself, a couple of minutes of sleep. Closing my eyes, I feel myself quickly drift off to sleep, but nothing comes to mind.

I feel her hands on my cheek and finally my eyes open. I see that my boots are off and a blanket has been placed on me. She sits on the coffee table smiling.

"Hey," I say. "Ready to get breakfast?"

She smiles.

"Peeta, more like dinner," she says.

Looking pass her, I see the blinds have been drawn open and the windows opened letting in the cool wind. I can see the dark sky and finally know for a fact that I have been sleeping the whole day.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I say.

"It is okay, Peeta," she says. "Everyone understood, with what we went through in the arena."

I slowly get up and find that in the kitchen is a pot of something on the kitchen table.

"Sae passed by," she says. "She left us some of the stew she had made for lunch."

She stands and begins to walk towards the kitchen.

"You hungry," she asks.

Standing and walking over to her, seeing her there in the kitchen getting a bowl out of the cupboard. Opening the drawer and grabbing a spoon.

"Just a little," I say. "Did you eat already?"

She turns and places the bowl on the table before going back and getting another two. She sets the table and finally looks up.

"No, I was waiting for you," she says.

The extra bowl leaves me with the question. Who is coming?

"Are we expecting company," I ask.

Looking at her she says that Thom wanted to catch up and had a couple of things that he had to tell us about the next mission. It seems that the advance team had found things to be more favorable and that there are changes to consider.

I immediately think that it could mean that we don't even need to go and that the other team, the Capitol team can take care of it all by themselves. It is wishful thinking on my part. When I press her for details she tells me that she doesn't know anything else, that she is waiting for Thom to get here. He couldn't even bring Millie with him because of the nature of the conversation.

"Somehow, this doesn't sound to be a good news dinner," I say.

She shrugs and tells me that if I wanted to go upstairs and freshen up that she will tell me all about what she did today with me just sleeping there on the sofa.

Walking up the steps I walk in and find that a pair of worn jeans on the bed and a t-shirt. Walking into the bathroom, I quickly take a shower and wash up. It feels good to take a shower in your own home. I think anything really feels better when it is a place that you are familiar with.

After getting the shirt on and the jeans I can hear the door closing downstairs and Katniss calling me downstairs as Thom had just got there.

Getting my shoes on, I walk downstairs and find him there smiling.

"Hey Peeta," he says. "Feeling better?"

"Much," I say stretching. "Nothing a whole day of sleeping won't cure."

He lifts his nose to the ceiling and points it to the kitchen.

"What an intoxicating aroma," he says. "Peeta, is your wife's cooking as delicious as it smells?"

She peeks her head from around the kitchen.

"I don't think that Peeta married Sae," she says jokingly. "Don't think he can handle that one. She is feisty for her age."

He lets out a laugh and then I meet him at the living room. He is carrying an official Capitol briefcase. You can tell because whenever we would have mission briefing that is where they would carry. Those light brown briefcases with the Capitol seal.

"See this isn't a social visit?" I say pointing at the briefcase.

"Didn't she, um.." he starts to say.

Again Katniss peeks her head around the kitchen.

"You know I did," she says. "He is just messing with you."

"Sorry," I say. "Just a little anxious to know what is in that lovely briefcase?"

He looks down and finally smiles.

"Believe me," he says. "It is good news."

"Come on you guys," she says. "Work talk later, can we just have one pleasant dinner without talking about the…you know what."

We both lift up our hands in surrender and walk towards the kitchen where the stew is prepared and presented in a way that makes it even more appetizing.

We all sit down and talk about the new happenings in District Twelve. He lets us know that this would be his last term as a Mayor and that he won't run for another. That he wants to start a family and that the political world is a hindrance on it.

Of course we both agree that if that is what they want to do that it is what they have to do. After a little bit more of pleasant conversation about how prepared the District is this time around for the winter months that finally Katniss couldn't stop from asking.

"Okay, it is killing me," she blurts out. "What news, and how could it be good?"

Thom looks at me, and we both start laughing.

"Wasn't it you that said no work talk?" says Thom.

"No no," I correct him. "She said work talk later. I assume that later is right now?"

She nods and smiles.

"Well," says Thom standing and getting the briefcase. "Like I said earlier, it is good news."

He opens it and finally hands us the reports.

"Preliminary reports show that the arena kill switch is in a remote location that only requires one person to activate it," he says. "I told them that it would require two because one will not go without the other."

That is all that he needed to say. It seems that the next mission the Capitol only wants Katniss to go. It isn't good news, it is horrible bad news. From the look in the face of Thom, it seems that my face isn't showing a sigh of relief but one of terror.

"Peeta, no they agree that you should go," he continues. "They have suspended the whole team, allowing them to not be in harm's way. I know that it is one of your concerns with Liam and April. They have revoked their access to this mission, along with Cressida, Gale, Johanna and Pollux, even Haymitch. The Capitol only wants you and Peeta to go into the arena and turn off the switch."

All I can think of is no backup. We would be alone. No way that Haymitch would go along with this, or even Cressida or Pollux. Liam and April they would hi-jack they way to the site.

"Wait," I say. "We would go in with no support?"

He looks at himself.

"I am sorry, I am not explaining it correctly," he says. "You will be going in with the full support of two hovercrafts, full tactical support."

Looking at Katniss, I don't know if she is agreeing to this.

"They won't go along with it," says Katniss. "You know that right? They will find a way."

He hands one other paper.

"That is the beauty of it all," he says. "They are taking a play right out of the Mockingjay playbook. The mission, the true mission is happening in two days. A good five days before the other team members would even know that you left."

That means lying to them. Keeping them in the dark, of the true intentions of the Capitol, they can dress all they want, and put it in shiny new wrapping paper but it is still misleading friends and even family.

"It will save their lives," he finally makes the argument. "You know the dangers, and well if you could you would have gone to the first arena without them right?"

The air is quiet and cold. There is a hint of truth there. We both look at each other. It is a risk, playing the game of the Capitol. They wanted only her, but knew that she wouldn't leave without me, or let her leave.

"Isn't that what we are all aiming for," he says. "I know your intentions are to spare them all if you could. I know that if she would let you, you would go without her, and I am sorry Katniss, but you know you would do the same. You guys are a package deal, and I made it so that they had to take it as so."

"Do we have a say?" I ask.

He puts the papers back in the briefcase.

"I am supposed to tell them your answer tonight," he says.

I look to Katniss.

"What do you think?" I say.

There is silence again, almost like she is trying to think of something to say. Struggling to find the words to support what she has an opinion of.

"I don't know," she says. She stands up and walks over to the living room. It is a hard decision.

Walking over to her, she just turns to me, trying to find some sort of path to know what is right here. On one side, we do this and no one else is place in immediate danger. The fact that we would have to not tell them is what bothers us the most.

Walking back she looks Thom.

"One condition," she says.

He gets out a piece of paper and pen.

"Okay," he says.

"A video explanation of whose idea it is to be sent to every one of the team members," she says.

"Katniss," Thom starts. "You know the minute we send it they are going to go after you."

That is when I see it. In her eyes a small glimmer. It is quite a smart move, something that I probably would have never thought of. Good thing Katniss is on our side.

"You will send it two days after we are gone," she says. "I don't want them thinking that we left them on purpose without telling them. I want them to know that we did for the right reasons."

He writes it down.

"Can I use your phone?" says Thom. "Have to call them to see if this would work."

We both see him there talking to who knows who on the phone. Saying word for word what our condition is. Finally after a couple of minutes he hangs up the phone.

Turning to us he nods that they have agreed to our conditions.

Thom finally picks up the briefcase and walks over to the door.

"Guys, listen," he says. "I am sorry about this."

We can both see it in his eyes, he is actually being truthful and for that we know that this may have cost him his position as the Mayor. It could have been the reason why he had me included and not just Katniss.

The door closes behind him and finally she turns the lock on the door.

The next couple of minutes are silent and uneasy. She turns to me and finally says.

"Couldn't stay in our world forever," she says with a smile that is all too familiar.

"Katniss, all we have to do is survive for two days after we land," I say. "The tape would be sent, and you know as well as I do, that they will come for us, even if the Capitol doesn't."

She nods.

"That is all I could think of," she says. "It is the only way I know history would not repeat itself."

She places her palm on my cheek. I know what she means. I can see the trembling in her hands; I can feel the fear of remembering such a painful memory. At least we know that they will come for us, and not leave us behind like it happened to me, and Johanna.

This pain she has to let it go. It happened so many years ago, it is time.

"You have to let it go," I say to her kissing her hand. "It wasn't your fault. You can't keep beating yourself up on it."

Her eyes begin to water and I know that it is something that she has had to deal with all these years. Guilt will always be with us. If you aren't careful the guilt will eat you up inside. It was gnaw away very slowly, until it is all you can think of. There are times when I remember that time that I tried to kill her. The guilt of that will haunt me until the end.

"Just two days," I repeat. "We can do this. We just have to survive two days in the arena. Heck we have done two weeks, and even then people were chasing us."

I grab her hand and take her to the sofa. Sitting her down on the sofa we try not to think about it. Instead I tell her that I will be right back and go up the stairs to look for something. I rummage through her bag until I find it there wrapped around a shirt. It seems that to Katniss it is a valuable item.

Walking down the stairs, I see her eyes following me all the way down. Once I show her what I have in my hands she smiles.

We sit there and leaf through the book.

"Hey what about this one for tonight?" she says.

I look at the drawing and think it is a nice one to read.

"High in the sky,

Soaring through the clouds,

A boy and his favorite kite

Flying through with ease

Up and down and even sideways

The boy falls and runs

Here and there and every where

He stands and sees his kite

Going up, and up and up

Higher to the sun it goes

Disappearing into a memory

Of him, with his favorite kite

A boy and his favorite kite."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

The two days in the District is both filled with anxiety and dread. The snow had started to fall, a little at a time. With the schools out, the children have been going to the nearby parks and playing more and more. We didn't have sort of luxury growing up, but it is fun to see that the people nowadays are experiencing something new every year.

We remained in the Victor Village these two days, to make sure that we spend as much time as we can with the people that we love. Sae would come and bring us food. We told her that it wasn't necessary but she does it now because she wants to and well because we are neighbors. She at first refused to take my house, but after April made her case that she wasn't getting younger and that she would feel more comfortable there, she accepted it.

Of course things had become as normal as we could possibly be. Liam asked his mother to come to District Twelve to spend the next couple of days. To spend time with them before the Capitol comes to start our debriefing. We have to stomach the comments and the occasion looks we quickly dismiss as nerves. It is especially due to the fact that we are going back to the arena.

There was a call to the Capitol and request was made to call off the mission until after the winter months. This of course was denied and well it only made what we were going to do a bit more like something that we would do anyways. That was the plan all along no? To make it seem that we are the ones who planned this.

A phone call one day in the afternoon shows us just how we were supposed to be leaving to the arena.

"Yes hello," says Katniss.

There is a silence in between as I believe the person must be explaining something. After a while all I can do is sit and wait for the news to finally hit.

"Okay," she finally says. "Tomorrow."

She writes down something on a piece of paper and puts the phone back on the receiver.

"So," I say.

"Outside the district, through the forest, five miles due north northwest," she says. "There is a clearing where two hovercrafts will be waiting for us. One with the military personnel that we would need and the other is our transport vehicle."

Looking out the window, I find that the stillness in the winter months leaves a lot to be desired.

"What time tomorrow?" I say.

"Early," she says. "We would have to get up before the sun rise."

"He should have gotten the letter by now," I say.

She looks at me.

"Who?" she says.

"Doctor Aurelius," I say.

It was the day after Thom had come over and told us what we were going to do. It was something about the way the Capitol accepting our terms, even if it was the new Capitol government that didn't sit well with me.

Both the Director of the Intelligence agency and the General of the new government army wouldn't be the sort of people that would take conditions from anyone. There pride would keep them from accepting anything, especially not from the kids of the Hunger Games.

"I sent him a letter," I say. "About what he is going to do in two days."

Lowering my voice.

"I don't trust them," I say. "I never have. Even with this new government, there are still some traces of the old. I don't think there would ever be a new government."

I go to the sketch book in the coffee table and open it letting a white paper fall to the ground. Opening the folded paper I hand it to her.

"What is this?" she says looking at it.

"A guard handed this to me," I say. "I didn't even know what it was. I didn't even know I had it, until I emptied the pockets of the clothes I was wearing that day."

She looks at it. It is just a white piece of paper with four lines, three parallel, and one at an angle.

"Don't you see," I say. "I still remember that day you told about the bread and the mockingjay symbol."

She examines the paper again, and finally places one hand over her mouth.

"Our salute?" she says. "Why would they hand this to you?"

"To show that they are still behind you," I say. "It may be nothing, and I may be just imagining things, but what if, you know."

She balls up the piece of paper and tosses it in a tin can. Grabbing some matches she ignites the paper on fire.

"That got me thinking about all this," I say. "So I wrote a letter to Doctor Aurelius to tell everyone where we were and that we were told by the government to do it this way."

She sits down on the sofa.

"Katniss, I am sorry," I say. "It is better safe than sorry."

She looks at me and nods.

"What if," she starts. "This next arena."

We both know where this is going, but I will not let her say it.

"Don't," I say. "We are going to make it through this. Do you trust me?"

She stands and looks at me.

"Of course I do," she says.

"Then we only have to survive two days," I say. I place my hand on her cheek and then on her stomach. "I promise you to keep you both safe. This is all to keep you both safe."

"I know," she says. "Let's try and forget tomorrow, for at least a couple of hours."

I nod and I know that this is the last day in the District until we leave.

"Okay," I say.

She walks over to the coat rack and grabs her coat and mines. She hands it to me.

"Come with me for a walk?" she says.

I am pretty sure that she could tell that my distrust of the Capitol will always come from the time that I was tortured. The fact that the Gamemaker were the ones who decided to leave me behind has never sat well with me. When I found out that Katniss did try to turn the hovercraft around for us, then I knew that everything that they did always had an agenda for them, before us.

We walk outside and the cool wind keeps us walking closely together. It is early in the afternoon but we do not want to be out too late as the night time can get very cold and very fast. It is something that concerns me the fact that the two nights in this cool whether we would have to make sure that we are in an area that is able to keep warm.

We end up talking about the future and how either Lilly or Thomas lives would be. There is a sense of hope in her voice and it is more than trying to make me feel better, she actually means it. The winters are hard sometimes out in the forest especially without a sealed house.

The house that we have constructed by the lake we had been making improvements so that one day, we could stay longer there before needing to come back to the district. The winters are the only months that we haven't been able to spend there, so that is my next project.

We get to the gates of the institute down by the meadow. There we see a group of children playing in the snow. Some were having snow ball fights, while others had just fallen in the snow and started making snow angels. It is a wonderful sight to see that they are none the wiser of what is happening outside their world. It should be like this for most of us. Many of the people in the district do not know what is going on or the fact that their lives were in danger.

We sit on a nearby bench and just sit there watching them play in the snow. The grey skies doesn't seem to bother anyone, they are focus on making sure that they pack in as much fun as they can before they have to go home and take a warm shower.

At this time no one really has a care in the world. Looking over to her, I see the smile creeping up on her cold face. It is the same smile that I had seen lately when she thinks about the world our child will live in. Forgetting about the world around us and just disappearing into our own world. We don't really need much and can live off of little. Both of us hunt, and we can easily make a home anywhere. Disappearing might not be a bad idea.

She looks over to me and points out a little girl running through the heavy snow. She is laughing and trying to keep up with the older children. The parents I can tell are nearby and just laughing as she is running through the field.

"Yup," I say. "That is how little Lilly would be. Although I think she would be determined to be getting all the older children. Just like her mother."

She lifts a halfway smile and nods no.

"I think she will be cooking with her dad," she says. "I don't know why, but I imagine her in the kitchen all covered in flour."

The thought and the image immediately come to mind. The little girl helping me in the kitchen, reminds me of those times I would try and help my father make pastries. The parents of some of the kids come and take their kids with them as the sun is beginning to set behind the trees.

Standing up I help Katniss up and we start to walk back to the Victor's Village. It is the only time that we have together when we can just be each other.

Finally after a couple of minutes.

"You know how I much I love you," I say. "Real or not real?"

She turns and smiles, placing her head on my shoulder as we walk back.

"Real," she says. "It is almost as much as I love you."

"I think back at everything, and I know I have said this before," I say. "But I really wouldn't change anything. I love you too much to be without you."

She squeezes my hand and smiles. We see the house in the distance and I can hear her humming. Cannot really tell what song she is thinking of, but I know that it is just the thought of her singing that brings a smile to my face.

"What are you thinking about?" she says.

"Well mostly how lucky I am," I say. "That and cheesebuns."

She lets out a laugh and tells me that she would love some right about now. We walk inside and taking her coat off we walk towards the kitchen and start to get out all the ingredients for the cheesebuns.

After a couple of minutes of prep work we have cheesebuns there on the plate. We enjoy our dinner there in our kitchen for the last night before we are to leave for the arena. Cheesebuns for dinner.

"Don't think that cheesebuns is nutritious enough for the baby," I say.

She make a 'I don't care,' face.

"I cannot stomach anything else," she says. "The nauseous feeling when I think of anything that is food related."

I open the refrigerator and look inside.

"What about a soup?" I say. "I will prepare it with just the broth, and even spoon feed you."

She creeps up a smile at the thought of being spoon-fed, but still says that she isn't really hungry. I grab her hand and lead her upstairs. She sits on the bed, and I kneel next to her. Unlacing her boots, I remove one boot and then another one. She just looks at me and then finally I move her feet onto the bed.

"Do you need anything?" I say.

"You," she says.

I smile and look down feeling the redness on my face.

"You already had me," I say.

"Then, if you could, bring me the family book," she says.

Walking towards the closet, I open the door and see all the clothes there hanging. Through the years the only clothes really that we would keep here would be the ones that the Capitol provided to us. There are many different colors, fabrics, and styles of clothes that were made for the Victory tour.

My hands on the fabric bring back memories of Portia. It has been years since she was killed, but it still sometimes feels like it was yesterday. On the top shelf of the closet I see a brown box. Grabbing it, I close the door and bring it over to her.

She takes the lid off and there the book is preserved with a cloth that it is wrapped in.

"Going to get the packs ready," I say.

She nods and understands that we were going to have to do it before tomorrow.

Walking downstairs I open the closet and behind the panel remove both packs. Packing some thermals, extra heat packets, can food, I place our knives in each of the packs before retreating to the kitchen and getting some of the leftover cheesebuns. Not the smartest thing to take, as it is will attract animals with the scent. It is her favorite and only thing that she has been eating.

I grab a small bowl of broth and take it upstairs to her.

"Katniss," I say from the hallway. "I know you said no, but…"

Once I am in the room I see that she looking out of the window. The window is open and the cold wind comes into the room.

Placing the broth on the nightstand, I walk over to her and wrapping my arms around her I find that she is looking up to the stars.

"What are you thinking about," I say.

She is quiet for a little bit, still lost in thought.

"About tomorrow," she finally says. "There is so much riding on this one than the last one."

"Come back to bed, before you soup gets cold," I say.

She looks up to me, and then makes a face.

"Soup?" she says.

"Just a little bit," I say. "Remember when you told me that I had to eat your soup? Back in the arena?"

She nods.

"Well this time, it is my turn," I say. "You have to finish it all, or if not no kiss."

She lets out a laugh and nods her head in agreement.

Walking back to the bed I ease her into the covers and walk back closing the window. It is a little bit too cold for it to be opened. The fire downstairs has been kindled but turned off. Once I have the spoon in my hand, she is reluctant to eat it.

Finally after a couple of pleads she finally opens her mouth and eat one by one, until it is all gone. She doesn't complain as she knows it is best to keep her strength up for tomorrow. She asks for the book as she had placed it on the floor. I hand it to her, and she continues to write something on a loose sheet of paper.

I lie there on the other side and continue to sketch her as she writes in the book. We do for a little bit before she places the book down and grab an envelope from the drawer of her nightstand. Once she folds the paper she places it in the envelope and then in the book.

"A note," she says. "To the little one to read later."

I fold the finished sketch of her and hand it to her.

"Put it in there with it, so that the little one can see what you looked like when you wrote it," I say.

She smiles closes the book finally pats the space next to her.

"I am cold," she says.

Taking off the shoe laces of my boots I walk over to the edge of bed. Once I sit on the bed, I slip off my artificial leg and turn into my bed.

Her hand meets mines and she turns off the light on the night stand. Staring there in the moon light, I feel her hand just dissolve into mines. Our eyes meet for the last time this night before I see her eyes close and feel mines close as well.

There are no dreams, there are no nightmares, and it is just the feeling of us together that allows me to sleep soundly. We spent the entire day just watching children play in the snow, it is something that the Capitol can never take away from us.

Feeling next to me is something that I never take for granted. The warm hands on my chest, the soft skin of leg wrapped around mines it is something that I had grown accustomed to. To not feel it, is causes my body to ache and long for. It is the thought of her not there that has caused me to wake up prematurely. The bed is empty and I see that she is already looking out of the window, staring out in the world.

She hears me rustles and turns.

"Come on," she says. "We have to get going soon."

"Sun's coming out," I ask.

She nods and tells me in about a couple of minutes, although she says that there are way too many clouds to see the sun clearly today. Putting on my thermals, it really doesn't take me long to get ready.

It is only a couple of minutes before we are already grabbing our packs and looking outside; making sure that there is no one outside.

"You got everything?" she asks.

I nod and tell her that we have to get going if we are going to make it by the time they had told us.

She gives me a smirk.

"Let them wait," she says. "Not like they are going anywhere without us."

I smile and tell her that while that is true, the later we wait the more likely that we will be caught by the others.

"Your right," she says.

She grabs her pack and hands me mine. Placing the pack on my back, we walk towards to the kitchen, and look out the window. No one.

Turning the knob we make a quick dash for the fence and find that it is easily made. There is no one there, and we move silently like we had done many times before. The hole in the fence allows us to quickly get in and into the forest where we stop and look back for any movement. After a couple of minutes that we wait we see that no one is there.

The air is cool and the snow is soft. The sunlight struggles to get through the grey clouds. I wonder if we will see the sun at all today.

Katniss takes out the compass and looks for the bearing before signaling the direction. We make a quick trek through the forest, stopping five minutes every thirty minutes of trek.

We eat apples and other fruits for a morning snack. Once we are close enough, we find that the two hovercrafts are there waiting for us exactly where they had told us. We keep ourselves on the outskirts, trying to make how many Capitol soldiers, to see what their game plan is.

"Should we go?" I ask.

Katniss just looks out to the scene almost as she is waiting for something. It is then when I see her eyes widen and her mouth tighten. She just stands and without any hesitation walks out with her hands up.

Looking over to where she was looking I see her in the distance. It is the same impulse that causes me to stand and walk alongside Katniss to the hovercraft with my hands lifted.

Once we are close enough, we confirm our suspicions that the Capitol always held the keys to this game, always knew what they were doing. We gave them a condition and they raised the stakes.

She turns and looks at us confused on why our hands are up. It is a symbol of surrender that she doesn't quite understand, but we hope gives her a glimmer of concern.

Katniss stands there a couple of feet away from her and simply just says.

"Hi, mom."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

We are immediately surrounded by soldiers all dressed in black. It reminds me of that night in the Quarter Quell. It was the worst memory that I wish I could forget. This time though she stands right next to me. The soldiers do not have their weapons drawn but could easily if we provoke them. We had left our bows hidden before we made our appearance known. All I have now is my knife that is on my belt and a smaller pocket knife in my boot of my artificial leg.

We all walk into the hovercraft and then the door closes. The pilot radios that we are all on board and then enters our coordinates. We sit down and place our seat belts on. Katniss's mother just looks Katniss and for some reason knows that something is not right.

"What's wrong," she says to Katniss.

"Nothing mom, just feeling a little queasy with the hovercraft," she says.

"Really?" she says.

She nods and tries not to talk.

There is a thought that comes to mind. When we are in the arena, I will have to make a choice. Stay and protect Katniss's mother or go with Katniss and leave her mother alone. Would I even have a choice or would the Capitol make sure that we leave her alone.

I grab her hand and I can feel the tension in it. The fact that it is sweaty and nervous is something that I cannot deny. It could be just protocol to have an on-site Medic. They probably selected her mother because of the previous mission. All of this is possible, but the other side could be the same. They could have brought her here to make sure that we stick to the plan.

After a couple of minutes one soldier comes back and hands us each a crate.

"Supplies, clothing, food, and weapons," he says yelling through the sound of the hovercraft engines. "The Medic here will provide you with medical supplies. Visors have been checked for accuracy and operational."

We both nod and the soldier finally retreats to the cockpit where he sits next to the pilot.

Katniss's mother hands us both our med packs and tells us that everything we need is inside.

She gives her a kiss, and then gives me a kiss.

I whisper in her ear.

"Not safe," I say. "Keep your guard up."

She nods.

The hovercraft begins to descend and we can hear the pilot gives out the coordinates of the landing party. Once the hovercraft lands, the pilot looks back and tells us to suit up.

Opening the crates we find the clothes quickly change from our clothes to the ones that are being provided. They are black and on the inside very warm material, and the outside very dense material. Once we are suited, I grab the visor and had one to her. We turned them on and find the location of the primary already light up on the map.

Two bows, two knives, one long machete, and two hand guns, all the same things that we got for the last mission. There is an ax obviously for cutting wood for a fire, two sleeping bags, and a tent. We hook the sleeping bag to the bottom of our military bag, the tent hooks on the side, and finally the weapons we attach it to our legs and waist.

The touchdown of the hovercraft is without incident and finally when the door opens, it looks like a completely different place. The arena covered in all white snow. The lake in the distance, where we stood there with the berries, it is all different now. The years have not been kind to the arena; the harsh winter has kept it from thriving.

"Soldiers," someone yells out.

We turn around and see some big military soldier waiting for us to salute.

"Sorry," I say. "We are not in the military anymore."

He grunts in disapproval and finally removes his folder.

"Mission is the following," he says. "You are to make to the primary by night fall. Make camp, and make contact when you have secured the primary kill switch. Following morning you are to make contact and advise a count down of five minutes and then turn kill switch. As soon as the switch is activated you are to make it to the extraction point located on your visor as the secondary. Understood?"

We both nod and they move to the second hovercraft. Katniss's mother then walks over to us and hands us extra bandages.

"Don't worry," says Katniss. "We will not let anything happen to you."

"I love you," she says to her.

She nods no.

"Don't," she says. "We will see each other again."

She nods.

I walk over to her, and she opens her arms.

"You keep your promises," she says. "You take care of your family."

I nod.

"You are my family," I say. "Don't worry we will come back safely."

I hike up my back and she lifts her hand to her mouth before turning back to get her charts. Looking at Katniss, I see her turn and quickly wipe a tear that must have come out of her eyes. The strongest women I know, and yet they cannot let each other a little tear or weakness.

She starts to walk away, and I know that it is her way from not falling apart. I walk behind her, and into the forest. The cold winter wind is harsh on the expose skin but oddly enough not on any place that our warm suits touch. All I can hear is the crunchy sounds of the feet as they hit the soft snow. All I can feel is the sort breathes that I have to take to make sure not to inhale the wind as it burns the inside of my lungs. Once we are far enough inside the forest, I have to call out to Katniss a couple of times before she would stop.

She finally stops and then I see her pacing back and forth.

"I can't think of a plan," she says.

She turns to me.

"I can't," she repeats. "There is nothing there, how do we get her out? Peeta, tell me, how?"

I grab her and she just starts to break down before she pulls herself together.

"Katniss," I say. "We will be fine. The sooner we get it done the faster we get her out of harm's way."

"Peeta," she starts. "I don't…"

"I know," I say. "Let me worry about it."

She finally turns places her hands on her hips and after a couple of minutes of trying to catch her breath she says that she is fine, and that her mother will be as well.

We continue to make a quick trek to the primary site, not noticing anything around us, but just making the quickest route to the location.

There is nothing to worry about, there is no one around, there is no tributes trying to kill us. There are no animals out in the cold winter day. The only thing that is out here is us, wearing all black. If the Capitol wanted us to be as noticeable as possible they have definitely accomplished that.

We reach the stream on the map, and can see it start to make itself down and back to the lake. Extraction point is north up stream. There

There is a beeping sound in the visor which we click. The phone message starts.

"Countermeasures are currently active, proceed with extreme caution," a robotic sound starts to say.

I start to hear a hissing sound, and that is when I feel Katniss's hand tug me to the ground as a fireball flies by us.

"Keep low," she says finally snapping back. "We have to double back."

Inching our way back a couple of feet, the visor finally stops beeping.

"What was that?" I say.

"I thought those things were sent by the Gamemakers," she says. "Back in our games, the fireballs were a deterrent, or what I thought was a deterrent. Guess it was the security system of the arena."

"What is their fascination with fire," I say out of breathe. "What is the plan?"

She stops and thinks for a little bit before she says.

"Divide, and distract," she says.

"Seems like the only thing we can do," I say.

Making our back to the rocks, the beeping in the visor starts before we click the sound off. It is hard enough to try and hear the hissing sound, but to hear the beeping sound it is enough to drive you crazy.

Looking at the way the sun light trickles down, there is something unnatural about it. The tree branches look almost like they made by the Capitol to bend a certain way. Everything that I have learned in the Games and by the way the Capitol persona is that there is a trick to everything. The thing is to try and find out what it is.

I see here there and I tell her.

"Going to try something," I say. "Get ready to pull me back."

In the bottom near my shoe I see there are a shaded area and an uncovered area. Closing my eyes, I make a mental countdown from three and finally step out onto the shaded area. That is when I hear it.

Nothing.

There is no hiss or the fire ball that comes from it.

Katniss just looks at me strangely.

"Okay, ready for the next test?" I say. "Get ready?"

If my reasoning is correct than when I touch the uncovered area where the sunlight is hitting then I should hear the hissing sound. I step over to the uncovered area, and just like that, I hear the immediate hiss of the fire ball and quickly dive underneath it. Katniss quickly pulls me back behind the rock.

Catching my breath, I finally am able to say.

"Stick to the shaded areas," I say. "The lighted area is the trigger."

She looks above the rocks and finally sees the shaded areas.

"You sure?" she asks.

"As sure as I am going to be," I say.

She gets out and finally asks if I am ready to get going. I stand next to her and then finally she makes the countdown with her fingers. Once she makes it to zero she goes to the first shaded area and finds that no fireball. Then she hops to the next one and then runs to the next one. Finally after fifteen minutes we make it up hill to an area where it is an open field.

"No shaded areas," I say.

I jump into the open area and nothing happens.

"Think we are out of the fire ball area," I say.

Turning on the visor we see that we are about twenty feet from the switch. The only thing is that we do not see anything in the open field. There is nothing here.

"Could it be that they got it wrong?" I say.

She taps the visor and advises the soldier that we have made it to the primary site.

"There is no switch," she says.

She stands there listening to the response. Once they disconnect the call she walks back.

"What did they say," I ask.

"They said that switch will be activated tomorrow," she says. "Something about the way the sunrises that it shows the switch."

"Do you believe them," I ask.

She nods her head no.

"Nothing we could do about it though," she says. "We can't go back. Might as well make camp."

The camp we do is against the wind that is now on our back. We place the tent's opening towards the forest ahead of us so we can see who is coming.

"Going to get wood for the fire," I say grabbing the ax. The nearby tree is about ten to twenty feet away from us. I cut about seven branches and the strip the leaves and cutting them into smaller pieces.

When I get back I see the tent is already up. The sight is beautiful. An open field filled with soft white snow; in the distance you can see mountains. Her hair how it dances in the soft morning light, it is a sight to see.

She sits down on the ground and I start to clean off the wood with my knife. Once I start the fire, I take out a blanket and cover her with it. Grabbing her hands that are ice cold I rub it with mines.

She finally smiles and her eyes re-focus on mines.

"You are still taking care of me," she says.

"Always," I say. "Katniss I will always take care of me, like I know that you would take care of me."

She lifts her hand and then rubs my cheek.

"Trying to grow it out again?" she says smiling.

"No camera here, who knows it, might keep me warm," I return jokingly. "What do you think?"

She thinks about it for a couple of minutes before responding.

"Either way I still will love you," she says.

I grab her hands and place them near the fire. After a couple of minutes I can feel the warmth coming back to her hands.

"Interesting," I say.

She looks at me.

"What is?" she asks.

"The material this suit is made of, the fire doesn't stick to it or through it," I say. I place a sleeve near it, and could not feel a thing. It could be fire proof, which will come in handy here in the winter.

"You hungry," I ask.

She nods her head no.

Standing up I walk over to the tent and open my pack. I can see that she has already rolled out the two sleeping bags side by side. The neatly packed surprise is still there and not stiff by the cold.

Walking over to her, I sit down next to her. She looks at the small package that I had in my hands.

"Close your eyes," I say. "I have a surprise for you."

She gives me a smirk and finally closes her eyes. Unwrapping the cheesebuns, I place it in her hand.

"Okay," I say. "Open them."

She opens her eyes and then finally smiles.

"You know this could attract," she starts.

"I know, I know," I say. "But it is the only thing that you would eat, and I don't want to force you to eat something…yet."

She lifts it to her nose and smells it.

"Smells like the oven in our home," she says. "Reminds me of the pinecones that I gave Johanna that time in District Thirteen."

"Pinecones?" I ask curiously.

"Well it was that time when she failed her final exam," she says. "She was so upset that I went up to the surface and got her some pinecones wrapped in a cloth. She smelled it, and told me that it reminded her of home."

She breaks off half and hands it to me. I push it back to her.

"You eat it," I say. "I have my apples that I packed."

We eat our late lunch early dinner, and wait until the sun goes down before we put of the fire. The darkness will hide us from any animals, which I doubt will be out in the cold winter night. We are still warm enough to not need the fire, so we just retreat ourselves into the tent and finally into our sleeping bags.

Taking out the flashlight, I go to the pack and take out the second surprise that I had hidden in my pack. It is the book of lullabies that we had received as a gift from Doctor Aurelius.

She looks at it, gives out a deep sigh and finally says.

"End of day one," she says. "One more day to go."

She places her head on my chest and I can feel her tense body. It isn't the same as it is when we are in the district and I know that the fact that her mother is in the hovercraft with all the military.

If only we had Haymitch on the other side of this visor, he would be able to tell us what to do. It is the first time that we both miss that old drunk. He may not come through on the little things, but when it is most needed he is always there.

She opens the book and we leaf through it, looking for one lullaby that will calm our fears. Near the end there is one about the darkness, the entire page is black with a hole cut out of it.

"Darkness

It creeps in on you

But you shouldn't fear

For darkness is not scary

It does not hide the monsters

It isn't that at all

Darkness is only

One thing

The world needing

Batteries for its flashlight"

She smiles and I close the book. Kissing her on the top of her head she just reaching down and grabs my hand. It has been a long day and we have only one more to go. Tomorrow all we will do is turn the switch, go to the extraction point and get on the hovercraft.

The arena will be gone in a couple of minutes and then we will be back in District Twelve. If there is anything that the Capitol tries, all we have to do is get to the Cornucopia and get Katniss's mother. We have to hide for a day in the woods and then wait for help to come for us.

We have the weapons and we know the terrain. Although I do not trust them, I do have to keep myself optimistic, for her sake. We both fall asleep. No need to keep watch as it is too cold, and the branches that we left covered in the snow will alert us of anyone approaching.

The hard floor wakes me up as sleeping on it, is something that I have yet to get accustomed to. I zip open the tent and find the grey sky. The switch is no were to be seen. The sun is about to rise so I walk back and gently rub her feet to wake her up.

She moves just a little bit and then her eyes open as if electricity is running through them.

"Is the sun up?" she asks.

"No," I say. "But it is almost time. I am going to get everything packed up while you scout for it."

She stands and put on her boots. Once laced she walks out and starts to look around for the switch. I roll up the sleeping bags and attach them to the bottom of our packs. The book I put back into the pack and then finally zip it up.

Walking out with the two packs I place them on the side of the tent, while I unpack the tent.

The good thing about this tent is that is one of the new inventions for the military. It requires little effort to get up and get down. It is made for quick camps breakdowns. It takes only a couple of minutes to figure out how to take it down.

Looking back I see that she is still looking for any movement in the field. It is faint but as the sun begins to rise we hear the clicking sound.

Katniss walks around until finally she finds where it is coming from. She starts to move away the snow, and finally yells back.

"The switch," she says.

I quickly place the tent into the bag and clip it to the pack.

"Something is wrong," she yells back.

I look up quickly.

"What?" I say. "What is wrong?"

"The switch," she says. "It has already been turned on."

That is when we hear the familiar announcement through the arena speakers.

"Total cleansing procedure in t-minus ten minutes," it says.

I stand up and looking at her, she just stands there in fear.

"We have to go, Katniss" I yell out. "We gotta go now!"

She turns to me and starts to run, towards me. That is when I see it start to happen. The wall of fire starts to rise behind her. It is about fifty feet from her and it starts to expand to the left and to the right.

My worst fear is coming true, it is coming for us, and it is coming fast.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

It isn't a flash. People always tell you that everything, everything flashes before your eyes. You hear soldiers and their stories on how everything just was there one second and then gone. My life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't think about my walks as a five year old with my father to the school. I didn't think about the times that we spent in the bakery kitchen learning on new recipes. I didn't think about them. My father wasn't even a part of that second.

The only thing that flashed before my eyes was her. The girl from the Seam, running after a little pig tailed girl through a field of lilies. It was more about the future than anything else. Seeing her grow into a mother, seeing her bath our children in the tub, the memories of seeing her trying to feed them and getting it all over her. Living the memories of nights that we would spend together talking about them, and how we would love them forever, is what flashes before my eyes.

There are no other thoughts for the next two seconds that last for two hours in my mind. When the heat kicks me out of the flashes, instinct kicks in, and all I can do is grab the two packs and the bows. I only have enough time to sling the bows on my shoulders before I grab her hand and she pulls me into motion.

We run with everything we can, into the forest where the snow is less loose but more packed and easier to run, but not easier to stop or make turns. It took planning to know the quickest route, but now the mind is running on pure instinct, pure adrenaline. The only thing that I can feel is the warm heat behind me, so close that it could easily burn off my skin if I stop.

I cannot stop, I cannot trip or fall, and there cannot be any hesitation. We both know this. What is being demanded of us at this time, at this moment, is only perfection. Our lives depend on us making it to the extraction point.

We make a beeline for it, and realize that it isn't that far from it. The only saving grace is that everyone in the arena, everyone even the military would have to have heard the announcement, had to have already prepared the hovercrafts for extraction.

The forest comes alive with animals running away from the fire. We see them, foxes and rabbits running next to us, side by side. It is only five, or ten minutes that we are running full speed when I see it. I see a red fox running away from the extraction point.

They are running away in the opposite direction. The one thing that Katniss always told me, that in a fire, you trust the animals, their only instinct is to survive, to live. If they are running the opposite direction, it could only mean one thing. There is nothing there; there is only fire there, only death. If we are going to escape this fire, it will not be that way.

The only thing that I can think of. The only place that I hope still exist is the only place that I know we could survive this.

"Left," I yell out towards her. "Downstream."

She doesn't slow down, she doesn't shift, but she responds.

"You sure?" she yells back, quickly turning her head to catch me in the corner of her eyes.

"Trust me," I shout.

We are reaching the stream, and then it is the decision. As soon as we jump from the peak of the forest down in the stream, she turns left and continues downstream.

The fire is less intense but I know that it is still behind me.

"Where?" she yells.

She is asking where we are going. We are not going to out run the wall of fire that is going to consume the arena. We are not going to be able to beat this. It is going to envelope us, it is going to surround us, and it will if we are not careful consume us.

"Cave," I yell.

It is the only place that I can think of. It has to work. It is the example of the stove that my father taught me when I was younger.

"If a stove is only three walls solid rock or brick, then all you need is a good door in order to keep the proper heat in," he says.

If the heat is outside, then the same thought would have to be the same. A cave is three walls of solid rock; we only need a good enough door to keep the heat out.

I see the rocks, and I know that we are close.

There is no time to dispute it, I know we are close. That is when I see it. It has to be it. I have dreamt of that place for years. It was in my nightmares and in my dreams at the same time. It was the only place in this arena that offered any protection.

"Left," I yell. "Get inside."

She moves quickly and then jumps into the opening. I turn my head quickly to gauge, how much time. How much time I have, that we have to secure a door, and see that the fire is probably two minutes or three the most behind us.

I dive into the cave and find that she is beginning to stand to her feet, when she looks at me.

"The blankets" I yell. "Tie them together. We only have a minute or so."

She rips out the blankets and ties them together. She hands them to me. This has to work; it only has to hold for a couple of seconds while the wall passes us. If I remember the destruction of the last arena, I saw the wall of fire. It wasn't a sustained fire, but a wall that races by consuming everything. It was the quickest way to destroy everything.

"Backs to the opening," I tell her. "We only have to hold it for a couple of seconds."

We get to the corners of the doorway and finally look at each as we brace for it.

She reaches out her hand, and I meet it with mines.

"I love you," I yell at her.

"I love you too," she yells back.

I feel her hand tighten around mines and see her eyes close tightly. I feel the warm fire, and how the intensity grows outside, the air and how it is not being blown into the cave but being sucked out.

It feels like we are going to get sucked out. But I feel her hand grow tighter, and I know that she is placing her foot down to hold it.

Then just like that, the sensation of the sucking out stops and we are pushed on the floor. All I can do is quickly close myself around her and cover her more with the blanket. I can hear her breathing and how it is deep and profuse. On all fours all we do is just stand still, almost like if we move, we die.

I turn my head to her, and see the tears coming out.

"You okay," I say but get no response.

I shake her hand.

"Katniss," I say louder. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Finally she opens her eyes.

"I am fine," she says softly.

I let go of the blanket and her hand, and start to check her face, her hair, her neck, to make sure that she was okay.

She stops my hands and grabs them. Looking deep into my eyes, she repeats.

"I am fine, Peeta," she says.

Letting out a deep breath, I just collapse on the ground in relief. Her tears grow out more and more, and I know why she is crying. It is the thought that has now come over me.

No one could have survived that.

Removing the blanket, I see the cave and how everything is burned on the inside. Turning my head slowly, I see the trees, gone, all black and charred. Just like that, everything was gone.

I begin to stand and fall back to my knees. There is no energy in me to even try to stand. But I will myself to stand and with my hand on the walls of the cave, I inch my way outside. The ash is so much that I have to immediately lift up my sleeve to my nose.

There is nothing.

I look out and see that the entire forest around us is gone. All that is left is black sticks that stand up littering the field of vision. Walking back into the cave, and I see her there not wanting to know, but wishing for me to tell her. How do you start it, though? Tell the one person you never want to hurt, that nothing survived.

"They could have left before," I say finally.

There is some truth in it. The military would not have waited for us if they knew it would jeopardize the mission, the safety of the remaining survivors. That is the agenda of any military, it does not matter if it is District Thirteen's military or the New Capitol, or even the old Capitol, the survival of the majority is always going to outweigh the survival of the few.

Even the rebels when they escaped the arena, left us behind. They survived knowing full well that I probably wouldn't. The mission, the end result matter more than the sacrifice of one person.

"Would you have?" she asked.

Katniss could always see the glimmer of hope and bring it into the light of reality.

"It doesn't matter what I would have, or what you would, it matters what the Capitol would have," I say. "They have ordered people to be left behind. We have to believe that they don't grow conscience."

I look back out and then at her. I know what I have to do.

"I am going to go check," I say. "You coming?"

She is hesitant at first but finally relents and comes with me.

We take everything with us, not knowing if we would return. Walking through the wasteland that was the arena where our Games where. The devastation is complete and unrelenting. It took everything, and all that is left is the shadows of what it once was. The crunching sound of the snow has been replaced by the crunching sound of the charred ground.

We can still see the flames here and there. I can still feel the warmth coming from the ground. My memories of the arena serve as landmark locations. Although it was all just forest, I can still see the river bed. We proceed with caution although there is nothing to attack, nothing left to be scared of.

It is odd, but with the whole arena gone, the fear of it has also been taken right along with it. The only thing that is left is dread and unbelief. This was the Capitol last resort should the Games got out of control. They had planned for something, a rebellion maybe, but could never have done this.

Turning around the last bend of the river, we see what we had feared. The lake is gone, and next to it are pieces, metal fragments. I turn around and stop Katniss from continuing. Placing my hands on her arms she looks at me straight in the eyes and knows that what she feared is what truly has happened.

"Don't," I say. "It is better that you don't."

She lifts her hands and moves mines away. Walking slowly around the bend she finally sees what I had seen. The pieces of metal remains littered around the lake.

They didn't have enough time. She continues to walk towards the wreckage. Following behind her, I start to see the small pieces that extended the blast radius of an explosion. The metal composite materials of the hovercrafts are made to withstand heat to some extent.

She bends down and picks up something from the ground. Walking slowly behind her, I know that she is in shock that she doesn't know how to process this. I have to be strong for her. I have to be there for her. Cannot break at this time, there will come for that. Right now it is about her, and her sorrow.

She drops the item and finally places both hands to her face covering it. I take two more steps and finally catch her as she lets herself fall. The crying is soft and quiet, and controlled. It is her way of not loosing it. She told me once that when she finally allowed herself to comes to terms with her sister being gone, that it was unexpected. She doesn't know how to grieve.

There isn't anything that I could say that would help her heal. This pain I know, as well as she does, it takes time to heal, to come to terms that the one of your family members are gone. I could understand her, and understand what she is going through. The emotions and the anger, or the pain of not being able to tell her how much she meant to her that is the hardest thing to accept, that we could have said more to the person.

The wind is starting to pick up and the ashes are becoming more and more difficult to breath.

"The ashes are getting worst," I say handing her the shirt. "We have to get up wind."

She doesn't acknowledge either verbally or by nodding her head, she just continues to cry quietly into my chest.

Placing one hand under her legs I pick her up and wrap my other arm around her back holding her. I start to walk one step at a time, making sure that my footing is sure. The pain in my legs is enough to make me realize that we would have to set up camp soon as I will not be able to carry her all the way.

I do see that in about thirty feet, the charred floor stops and the white snow begins. It seems that there was a barrier for how far the fire could go before it is extinguished.

After a couple of minutes carrying her, my arms start to shake and I have to put her down.

"Sweety," I tell her softly. "I need you to walk. We have to get some place safe to build a camp."

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't even move.

"Katniss," I say shaking her in my arms. "Please, sweety, I need you to respond."

Nothing.

I look around and see a good covering where there are some rock formations. We can use it as a barrier for the wind.

"Katniss," I say. "I am going to put you down on that rock right there. I have to get the tent up, and the fire going."

Putting her down on the rock, she just sits there. She doesn't say anything, but just stare out towards the remains of the arena. Looking at there, I can't help but to feel helpless. What can I do? What can I say?

The packs are burn lightly but not too bad. Opening the flap I find that most everything inside has a burned smell to it, but nothing has been destroyed by the heat. I unrolled the sleeping bags.

Have to keep busy. Have to keep my mind off of it. The meaningless thoughts come into mind. I need to build a fire, get some dry wood, and find a water source.

Once the tent is up and the supplies are unpacked. I grab the ax and walk to the nearby tree where I begin to cut down some branches. I spend all my time and energy just hacking away at the branches. Have to keep my mind off of it. Have to be strong, have to not let it in.

I strip the outer layers of the branches and place them all in an area near the camp site. With the flat park of the ax, I start to scoop the snow making a hole, trying to get to the ground. It takes me another three to five minutes to get everything prepared and the wood in the ground.

The lighter is in the tent so finally walk back into the tent and grabbing the lighter I try to start the wood. The breathing in my chest tightens and I can see the uneasy feeling in my hands.

Just start the fire Peeta. It is all I can think about, it is what I force my mind to think about. Finally I see the bright orange red flame at the end of the lighter and follow the flame to the wood, where after a couple of second it begins to catch.

I grab the two water bottles that are still filled with water, although now it is more ice than anything. I place the canteen on a long branch and suspend it over the fire on the campsite for a couple of seconds. When I feel that the water has melted enough I grab the canteen and lay it on the snow cooling the metal surface.

Coming over and tapping the canteen I see that it is not hot or cool, but at a normal temperature. I grab it and lift it to my eyes to see that the water has semi melted and there are still a chunk of ice in the water.

Walking over to her, she is still there staring at the emptiness of the arena. I kneel next to her and hand her the water bottle in her hands.

"Honey," I say. "You have to drink something."

I hold the bottle with her hands and can see that she makes no attempt to hold it. I turn her around and place her near the fire to see if it would help her warm up a little bit.

I place the water bottle on the nearby rock and move her hands near the fire to help warm. I rub the two hands between mines and can see that the blood has come back to her hands. The palms of her hands are warm to the touch. Keep looking down, Peeta. Don't do it. You have to keep yourself strong.

My eyes start to trace up her hands to her arms, and then to her shoulders. I close my eyes trying to shield them from what I know I must do. Finally after a couple of minutes I open them and see my eyes are staring at hers.

Those grey eyes that once burn brightly with passion, is now staring at me blank without anything behind them.

Have I lost her too?

The thought of it, has finally overtaken me and I slowly back away unable to accept it.

It can't be. I sit on the rock that is opposite to her. The fire laps up between us. I can still see her face just there staring at me. It is enough to make me want to breakdown.

So slowly I lift my hands and cup them on my lap. Looking down I see them. The cuts and bruises of the fire, the running through the forest at high speed has left marks of the branches whipping my hands as I ran as fast as I could.

I lift them up to my cheeks and slowly allow my heart to break apart. Feel the pieces slowly come off its place and just fall to the ground. I have lost the mother I never got to experience and now my child has lost the mother she never got to meet.

We only have to survive one more night, and then they will come for us. They will find the arena destroyed and both hovercrafts gone in the wreckage. They will find a nearby camp site and two people, one disconnected from everything and the other, lost in a sea of pain and sorrow.

It is enough to take me pass it all. Why continue if there is no hope? I look at everything that they have thrown at us. They have truly found the only way to break her. It wasn't by torturing me, but it was by taking away her mother that finally did it to her. It by taking her mother away that they finally took her away from me. They have found a way to break me as well.

How can I continue knowing that everything is lost, and everyone I know is lost? The flames add little comfort. This was only to keep our bodies from dying. But what good is a body that has nothing on the inside. When they have killed hope, what is left?

The edge of darkness has never seemed so tempting. Probably it wouldn't be that bad, I think to myself.

Just when I thought that it is over. I finally feel something.

I finally feel her hands on my hands bringing them down. At first I want to believe that it is real, but how can it be? I am probably imagining this, probably dreaming it. I allow myself this small portion of a dream, that it may be the last one that I have.

As I lower my hands, I can feel hers on them. I keep my eyes shut, knowing full well that when I open them, I will be right back where I was. The image of Katniss there staring out, and me truly left alone in this world is something that I had never thought of.

I keep my eyes closed and just sit there. It is only when I hear the voice coming to my ears that I finally can say with all certainty that she wasn't gone. I hear just three words.

"Open your eyes."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

It is a maze you see. There are a lot of people who believe different things, and something about stages. They say to do this, and others say to do that. They tell you to get a hobby, and do it until the hurt goes away. I believe that it is a maze; well it was a maze to me when it was darkest.

The day that someone walked into my hospital room, and told me that my family was gone, it was like something that I had never felt. It was like they stole my very breathe, that I couldn't do anything to get it back.

It was a maze that I couldn't get out of. No matter how hard and no where I was, I couldn't get it right. I would turn right and there would be nothing more than pain and memories. There would be times when I would find the guilt that would cripple me and keep me angry for long periods of time.

It wasn't until she just stood there in front of my hospital bed that I realized that no matter how damaged I was, she would be there for me. She helped me find my way back and ever so often continues to guide me.

Opening my eyes, I see here there, the eyes focused on mines. They see me and I know that she is hurting. Her face covered with ash and her hands cover in the dark tar of the floor. The ash on her face, the dark colors that hide her skin, focuses in on her eyes. The intensity of them is something that I had always loved to see.

I grab my sleeve and move my hand up to her cheek, cleaning off the ash. She just smiles softly almost as if she doesn't know what to say. Honestly I stand there and I don't know what to say either. The only thing is what she would tell me all the time.

"You okay?" I ask.

She nods no, and I know that it is the truth. In this area where there is no one, she knows that it is just us right now. We have to be at least completely honest with each other. This is a moment where we have to also know the boundaries that each other has.

"You?" she asks. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly no," I say. "You want to talk about it?"

"Don't think that I can right now," she says. "I feel all numb, I don't know what to feel, or how to react."

"Okay," I say. "I am here for you, when you do."

She looks around the camp and up to the sky. It seems that the shock is wearing off and she doesn't even know where she is.

"What time is it?" she asks.

Looking at the position of the sun, I can gauge that it might be pass two or three in the afternoon.

"I think it may be around three," I say.

She looks at the tent and the fire. She walks and sits next to me. She finds my hand on my lap and holds it tightly. It brings my heart joy to feel her hand holding mines. I rub my thumb over her palm, and she does the same.

It is our thing. Every since the Reaping, where we stood there in front of our district and had to shake hands. She stood there obviously shocked by what had just happened. I wanted to let her know that everything was going to be okay. It was the only thing that I could think of.

Now, when we cannot speak, or when we don't even know ourselves, we do this to let the other know that we will be okay, or that we are okay. It is letting each of us know that we will be okay.

I turn to look at her, which causes her to turn and meet my gaze.

"You hungry?" I ask.

"A little," she says.

I stand and walk over to the tent. It is a good sign that she is hungry and talking. Opening the pack I see that all we have left is the food that the Capitol provided and a couple of the fruits and nuts that I had packed.

Taking out the fruits and nuts and putting it on a small metal plate, I walk over to her. I hand her the plate and she just looks at me as I sit down.

"You aren't going to eat?" She asks.

The truth is, that I am hungry, but there isn't that much food. We would have to go hunt pretty soon. If her appetite is back, it is a good thing. I cannot take food from her.

"I am not really hungry," I say.

She still hands me an apple, and tells me that I should eat something.

Grabbing my knife from my belt, I cut it in half and hand it back to her.

"For later," I say.

I look over and find some snow on the ground. I open her palm and place the snow on her it. She shivers and tells me that it is cold. I have to remind her that she cannot eat with her hands all covered with soot. I rub the snow over her hand and finally wipe the hands with my other sleeve. Looking for cuts or bruising, I find a couple of cuts that will have to be tended to, but I do not see any infection so she should be fine to eat now.

"Okay," I say handing her the plate again. She smiles and lowers her head picking up the small pieces of dried fruit, with some nuts. I myself take a couple of bites and make sure that I take my time eating. Looking at her eat, I see that she is truly hungry. Before I could be finished with my half of an apple she is already done eating.

"We have those dehydrated food," I say. "If you are still hungry, I mean."

She nods her head no.

"Let's save it for later," she says.

I hand her the water bottle. She grabs it and looks at it.

"You called me honey," she says.

"I did," I say.

"You never called me that before," she says lifting the bottle to her lips.

I can hear the smile in her voice, so I look up and see that a small one is creeping on her lips.

"You gave me a big scare," I say. "I didn't know what else to do."

She reaches and holds my hand.

"I am sorry," she says.

"No it is okay," I say, understanding that she is still going through something.

She looks again up towards the southeast, over the mountains.

"What's wrong?" I say.

"I don't know," she says. "Shouldn't they already be here? I mean if Doctor Aurelius had told them all what happened, wouldn't they already had grab the first hovercraft that the Capitol brought to the District and have taken it to find us."

It is the thought that rings true. It would have been around the morning time that I had told Doctor Aurelius in the letter to call everyone. It is already the afternoon and we haven't heard anyone coming for us.

"Peeta, what if the letter never made it?" She says.

I had never thought of that. I had never allowed myself to believe that the mail would be under surveillance by the Capitol. There is always the possibility of the phone being tapped and that our conversations were being monitored.

"Well, we will wait until tonight," I say. "If they do not come by then, well, then we will have to trek it back to District Twelve."

She looks at me in disbelief.

"Peeta, that is over twenty miles or so," she says. "We do not have the supplies for it."

"What choice would we have, if we stay here and they never come?" I say. "I made a promised, that I would take care of you and our child. That is what I am going to do."

If that is what we have to do, then it is something that we have to prepare ourselves for. We would have to find food somewhere, hunt for those animals that are hiding. Keep ourselves hydrated and covered from the winter winds so that we do not develop any sicknesses.

She doesn't know what to say, at my statement that I would keep them both safe. There is no one left. It is just us now.

I quickly take that out of my mind. She got out, she had to have. The uneasy tension in the air keeps the conversations short. We just sit there staring at the location where they would have come.

We would definitely see them coming from over the mountains. If they don't come, that is the way we have to go. We can't go over the mountain, so the only thing is to go around it. The trek won't be easy and it would take us at least a couple of days if not weeks.

I wonder though would her body and her pregnancy allow her to manage this long hike?

"You want to lie down for a little?" I ask.

She looks at me and then realizes what is coming ahead if they don't come for us.

"We have to get food. So let's go hunting," she says.

I hand her the bow and we extinguish the fire. Looking to the location of tracks we start by going in up wind to avoid any animal that may be out the opportunity to smell us.

We walk for a little bit before stopping. She stops and looks around; trying to eye what is out of place. That is when we see a small imprint on the snow.

"Deer?" I ask.

"Could be," she responds lowly. "Either that or wild dog."

We looks for pack tracks to confirm the wild dogs but find no traces of multiple but only one. We trace the tracks for a couple of minutes. If it is a deer then it is out because we are near a water supply. It is a double win if we can bag a deer and find their water supply.

It is just a couple more minutes when we see the discoloration in the snow. It is definitely a deer, which is a good thing as wild dog's meat is away too hard. I signal that I am going to circle down to see if I can't force it up to her.

She nods and I walk quickly down and around. I can still see her in the distance as she walks slowly through the trees. If I didn't know where she was originally, I would have never been able to see her. I catch a hint of movement a couple yards away. It could be the wind but it could be the deer.

I stop and crouch making little to no sound. I wait there to confirm the movement.

'I can wait as long as you can,' I say to myself.

I look around and finally find a small stone. Now where are you? The movement has stilled. I grab the rock and toss it over to the lower end direction, hitting a tree. That is when I see it, moving, just a little bit, but it is enough to locate it.

Not enough for a clean shot though. I have to get closer, have to get a better angle. Being downwind, it gives me the worst angle. My job though is not to get the kill, but to move the game to the one who has the better angle for the shot. I move a little bit towards where I believe it would retreat to.

I hear the bird call in the distance. Returning the call, I see the deer lift its head almost trying to find out where it is coming from.

That is when the deer makes a break for it, going upwind. My guess is that it must have either heard me or smelled me as I was now downwind from it. It isn't three or four seconds before I see it goes down. Walking up to it I see the arrow in its heart. It just lies there breathing quickly knowing that it will die today. It will die so that we can live. I hear her feet now crunching behind me, and finally she is next to me.

We both stand there looking at the deer die. It struggles at first but then finally just lies there. What was its thought this morning? Did it know that today was going to be its last day?

Katniss finally approaches it, with her knife out.

"Sorry," she says to it. "May your life have been a good one."

She cuts the deer throat and finally it stops breathing and just like that it is dead. She stands and we just look at it for a couple minutes. It is the same look that she had while just staring at the ground, at the wreckage of the hovercraft.

She turns around and looks at me.

"She is really gone, isn't she," she says looking for some sort of answer.

"I am sorry, Katniss," I say embracing her. There is no weeping, there is only just the steadiness of this fact that I tell her. "If we can remember them, they are never truly gone."

"Does it ever go away," she says. "The guilt."

"Little by little," I say. "I try to replace the pain with the joy of knowing them for the little time that I did."

I walk over to the deer and remove the arrow from its chest. I clean the tip of the arrow and inspect it making sure that it wasn't warped. Grabbing the deer by its rear legs I tie it to the rope and hang it nearby tree and let the blood drain into the snow. Picking the small container that I had for the nuts, I catch a good amount of the blood there and then seal it.

You would never know when you would need to attract game with the blood of another. We sit there just watching the blood drip down, until it is finally done.

"You want me to clean it?" I ask.

"No," she says. "I will do it. Whoever kills it, cleans it and prepares it remember?"

"I know," I say. "But you know this is different."

She smiles and tells me thank you for caring for her so much. There is no need to thank me for that. I would love her no matter what, and I will want to protect her no matter what.

I see her take the knife and start to strip the deer of its pelt. Once she is done, she hands it to me, to string out to dry. Walking away to another tree I hang the pelt. Turning back I see her cutting the meat away from the muscle and placing it in the bags that we had brought.

We leave the intestine, and all the inner organs of the deer. It is that action that I know two things that Katniss is thinking of. Either she is going to place a trap for the wild dog that comes seeking the smell of the blood, or there will be no trap and that we are traveling out of this area.

She looks at me, and smiles a little smile.

"Come on," she says. "Let's get something to eat."

It is that statement and I know that we are going to be trekking through the wild, and around the mountains. It is going to be a hard couple of weeks but if she puts her mind to it, then we will make it.

We walk back to the camp, and there we see the sun begin to set. The winter months the sunset is quicker than it is in the fall or summer. I wonder if it was back there where she was cleaning the deer that she made the decision that no one is coming for us. I don't mention it, and we just sit there and cook the meat that we are going to eat, and place snow in the other bags to keep it cold enough until the next time that we are going to eat.

There are many implications on why no one was going to come for us. It could mean many things. The basic one is the letter never got there. The mission isn't supposed to start until three to four days. Even then, the Capitol can easily just tell them that the mission has been completed.

No one from the team knows where the arena is. They would have to ask Plutarch and who knows if they would even tell them the location. They could have easily just told them, that we left and that they do not know where we went.

Gale would be the only one to know the house by the lake. Even if he was to get there, he would see that we weren't there. We have become something we had desired and yet something that we have feared. We have become ghosts, easily forgotten by everyone. It is what we had always wanted, to be left alone to live our lives, and now that it has happened, we wish for our friends to remember us. It is the very thought that she looks at me and asks me.

"What are you thinking?" she says softly.

"How long it will be before I can make you a cheesebun," I say trying to mask what I was thinking about.

She smiles and looks at me.

"I know that you are lying," she says. "You know, you were never any good at lying."

"I was thinking about, why no one is coming," I say.

"Does it matter?" she responds. "Don't think there is anyone left for the Capitol to hurt us with."

It is the same thing that Johanna said in the quarter quell. When I came back from the detention center and thought that I had lost her, I knew exactly what she meant, felt the loneliness in my heart for the first time then. It was those words that haunted me.

"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love."

She grabs my hand which snaps me out of my memory.

"The ones that I love, is here," she says also placing her hand on her stomach. "There is nothing left for them to take that I don't have here already."

Everything has been like a dream. Actually it has been like a nightmare in a dream. Life I guess has its way of being kind and harsh at the same time. We have experienced joy together and we have experienced lost, the fact that we have yet to have our own life is what bothers me the most. For about fifteen years it was just us, and it was the time where we were, relatively left alone.

We could have always retreated into our own little world. It was the thing that we would do, just us, no one else. This whole Capitol mess has left us in a sort of dream where it hasn't ended. It has been the same thing where we are left alone and then pulled back in.

"Peeta," she says.

"Hmm," I say looking over to her.

"Tell me a story," she says.

I smile and just think about it for a while. There aren't many stories that I know from memory.

"Well there is one that I read in a book," I say. "It was about a prince."

She asks me what a prince was.

"Well back before Panem," I say. "There was a government where they had a king or a family that always ruled their country."

"So like Snow?" She says.

"Sort of," I say. "The sons of the king are called prince."

"Okay," she says getting comfortable.

"Well, the prince was looking for a girl to marry and become a princess," I continue. "The king decided that they were going to have a party, a royal ball and invite all the single girls of the land."

She lets out a laugh at fact that there were still parties back then.

"So there was a girl, who had a rough time in life. But since she was single she got to go the party," I say.

"Hmm," she says.

"It was a night, and well the girl didn't have a beautiful gown to go to the party," I say.

There was no response and then I look down. I see her eyes are closed and she has fallen asleep. I kiss her forehead placing arms under her and taking her to the sleeping bag inside the tent.

Once she is inside her sleeping bag, so says.

"Did I fall asleep," she says.

"Yes," I say. "Go to sleep, you have had a long day. I will finish the story tomorrow."

"What about you," she says still with her eyes closed.

"I am going to stay up a little bit," I say. "Just in case someone comes."

We both know that no one is coming, but it helps her sleep better knowing that at least someone has hope that they might. Tomorrow I know that we will start the trek back home to District Twelve.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

The night sky is quiet, and filled with stars. I never really knew that there was that many. Looking at her there sleeping, I know that her nights have been filled with new nightmares that continue to rob her of her sleep. It has been almost a week since we had left the site of the arena. I don't think that Katniss wanted to continue to wait there, with the reminder of her mother dying there.

We have made very good time and distance each day. We hike for most of it, and then rest when we cannot walk anymore. Katniss doesn't really talk all that much about the arena. The thoughts still too fresh to remember, the memories still too painful to try and bury, so most of the time we just talk about the future.

How the first thing that she wants to do is to take a long hot shower. It is after all the only thing that we cannot do out here. That and sleeping in a comfortable bed, any bed, anything with support, is what she wants. I know that when we get home, we probably will not leave it for a while, if ever.

Each night, I take out the compass that Katniss's father gave her, and make sure that we are heading in the right direction. We have made it around the mountain, which was the hardest part of the trek. The coldest night where all we could do is stay up talking to each other for fear of falling asleep and not waking up. I give her most of my food, and water, although sometimes she refuses. We hunt when we have to, but the game during the winter is few and far in between.

From my calculations, we should be able to see the outskirts of the district by tomorrow. It will be good to be able to finally be home, and to find out why no one came. My latest theory is that the Capitol has let everyone know that we all died in the arena destruction and that is why no one came.

Katniss doesn't even care anymore about that. All she cares about is getting home, returning to something that is normal in her life. I hear her rustling, violently, muttering something.

I quickly walk into the tent, and see her thrashing around. I hear her scream out for her mother and then she jerks up.

"Peeta!" she screams in the dark.

"Hey, hey," I say. "I am here."

She fumbles around looking for me. I can clearly see her seeing how my eyes had adapted to low light. It is when she finds my hand that she finally calms down.

"I saw them all being burned alive," she says.

"I am sorry," I say. "It was a nightmare."

"It felt real, I can still smell it, Peeta, the smell of the ash, the smell of burnt trees," she says.

I tighten my arms around her, to let her know that I am there for her. She responds by tightening her arms around me.

"We are almost home," I say. "The warm tub is waiting for you. The soft bed, this will all be a memory that soon enough you won't have time to remember. Soon enough we will be making all new memories with the sounds of children laughing."

I grab a piece of the blanket that I had cut a couple of days ago for her forehead. I wipe her head of the sweat and finally she calms down. She rubs her hands on my arms.

"Have I told you," she says.

I smile.

"No not today, but I know," I say. "So it is okay."

"No," she says. "It isn't."

I feel her lips on my lips, and the warm kiss is enough to calm her to a place where she can let out a deep sigh.

"Not that I am complaining," I say. "But what was that for?"

"I have wanted to do that for a while now," she says.

Smiling is the only thing that can hide the fact that I have turned bright red. Good thing that the darkness has hidden it although the warm skin doesn't hide it all.

"Come on," I say lying down. "Go back to sleep."

"Can't," she says but still lies down next to me.

"Okay," I say. "We can stay up and talk like we use to."

"I'd like that," she says.

We get comfortable. There is no timetable on where we have to be tomorrow. We have plenty of food to make it through the next couple of days. Even if we are a little bit late to our own home, no one is waiting for us anyways. It wouldn't matter if we slept in tomorrow, if we do not have to be anywhere tomorrow.

"So, here is what I am thinking," I say. "How about when we get back, if we start working on the nursery?"

The thought has been on my mind lately. My room where I have placed all the paintings could easily be the nursery.

"The nursery?" she says playing along. "Where would we put it?"

"Thinking the room at the end of the hall to the right of our room," I say.

There is a small silence in the room almost like she is trying to picture which room I am referring to. I feel her finger tip trace my hand and up my arm.

"You sure?" she says.

"Not like I am not going to be there all the time anyways," I say. "This way at least I can be inspired everyday by the person who sleeps there."

Her hand finally reaches my face, and she gently pushes my head down and there is where I taste her lips. Her eye lashes tickle my throat, and I can feel her warm breath on my chin. Her hand caresses my hair and I can feel her love coursing through her kiss.

Finally she pulls away ever so gently, and the only thing I can think of is the only thing that I could do.

I place a small kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Did I tell you about that dream I once had," I say.

"Which one, you have so many," she says.

"Well it was about the one where I heard your singing a lullaby and rubbing an exposed belly?" I say.

She starts laughing.

"What?" she says. "You and your dreams."

Obviously she is a little embarrassed.

"You know what I realized," I say.

"What's that?" she says.

"I haven't heard your sing in a while," I say.

There is a quiet in the air now. The cold wind has just taken out the very warmth from the room.

"Peeta," she says. "Don't. I know what you are trying to do."

The last time she sang, was in her mother's house. It was a couple of years ago, and she knows that I mention it because I want her to face it, and not hide away from it. She lifts her head from my lap.

"Katniss," I say. "We have to talk about it. It was a week ago. It is not…"

"Peeta," she interrupts. "You can't.."

"Can't, what?" I say. "Know what it is like? Katniss, I lost everyone I had ever known. Believe me if there is anyone who does, it is me."

She sits up.

"Peeta," she says. "What more do you want from me?"

I reach out to try and grab her hand but find that she quickly recoils.

"Let me in, let me help you through the pain," I say. "You are doing what I did; trying to forget it as it never really mattered. Trying to bury it like you could forget it, I did it."

She walks outside the tent. I follow her outside grabbing her jacket and see that she walks in the snow.

She takes two or three steps.

"Katniss," I say.

She turns around.

"What?!" she shouts. "Do you want me to say that I am angry for her leaving me? That I do not know how I am going to be a mother, that I am scared?"

"Yes!" I shout back. "I want you to be honest with yourself. It is the only way Katniss. Right now you are in a maze, just like I was back then. You help me out of it by being there even when I pushed you away. Please let me be there for you, but don't push me away."

I walk over to her and she puts up her hands at first.

"Please," I say.

"Don't," she says.

Walking over to her, she finally lowers her hands.

I place my arms around her. She lifts them up to my chest. She tries to push me, but I only pull her in closer.

I lean in to her ear.

"I am not going anywhere," I say.

She looks up.

"You promise," she says. "That you won't…because I can't…"

"I promise," I say. "Katniss, I promise."

The moonlight can only hold back the pain and tears but just stand there for I don't know how long. This is what has to happen in order for her to finally heal. You can forget about it a couple of days, and even hold back the emotional outburst but after a while you have to allow yourself time to grieve.

I can feel her all the way through my body. My eyes closed tightly to allow everything to sink in. After a while or just standing there in the moonlight holding each other she breaks the silence.

"Peeta," she says.

"Yes," I say.

"I am cold," she says.

I let out a small laugh, and realize that I still have the jacket in my hand. I open it up and cover her with it.

"You want to go inside?" I ask.

"Yes," she says through her teeth chattering.

We walk inside the tent and she quickly get under the sleeping bag. She doesn't close her eyes, but just covers herself up to her neck. Her eyes trained on me as I get under the sleeping bag.

"Can I ask you a question," she says.

"As many as you want," I respond.

"Do you still think about them," she asks.

"Not as much as before," I say. "In the beginning, they were all I could think of. I wanted to remember everything about them. My fear was forgetting them. I didn't want to, so if that meant being in pain, then that is what I would do."

I turn on the lantern.

"That is my fear," she says. "I can barely remember my father, although the pictures…"

"Say it, it helps," I say.

"Although the pictures my… mother… has helped me remember," she says. "All the paintings that you did about my sister keep her alive when I see them. Although I am having a hard time remembering what her voice sounded like."

"We still have the tapes of the interviews," I say.

In the light of the lantern I see here there rubbing her stomach.

"You know when you are sleeping," I say. "I talk to our child about my father, and about you. I whisper so that I do not wake you up."

She smiles.

"Yesterday I started to tell our child about how great of a woman their grandmother was," I say. "That at the end…she…"

I have to stop and suppress the emotions that are rising to the surface.

"She was great, wasn't she," she says.

"She was," I say.

"I am only sorry that you never got to meet her," she says rubbing her belly. "She loved you for the moment she told me that you were in there. I only wished that you would have gotten to know her."

She reaches out for what I think is to turn off the lantern, but the hand just waits there. I reach out and finally grab her hand.

"Will you help me, get through this, because I don't know how," she says.

"I will," I say.

She nods and then finally closes her eyes to sleep. She doesn't let get go of my hand, and I don't try. The only thing that I do is just close my eyes and finally just go to sleep.

It is the fact that is able to open herself that I know that she will be alright. People tend to hide behind different emotions and not really deal with it. I spent so much time trying to bury it, that it just creep up on me in anger. Doctor Aurelius had to get all the anger out before I could even be honest with myself. He got me to deal with all the issues that I had with my family dying.

What keeps me awake is the constant worrying about her. I think that I am awake every ten minutes or so, just to make sure that she is okay. I haven't been like this since back in the Capitol during the war. It isn't easy to see someone going through this; you just hope that you can be there for them to get them through it.

The last time I wake up and honestly I cannot tell if I slept more than an hour combined. The sunlight is starting to creep into the tent, and well it is time that today if we plan it right, we could be home by the afternoon. I move my head and see the sunlight. It is the thought that tomorrow we could end up sleeping in our own bed away from it all that brings a smile to my face.

I feel her hand loose a little bit, and I know that she is waking up. I just stand there looking at her, waiting for that moment, when those eyes open for the first time today. It is the greatest thing that I am in still love, as it was the first day that I married her. It hasn't changed; even after fifteen years after we had been married I still love her like I did back when she was five.

Her eyes twitch and then finally open. She looks at me deep in my eyes, almost as if she can look right through me.

"You ready to go home," I say.

The smile that just comes onto her face is enough to light up the entire room.

"Hmm hmm," she says yawning. "How did you sleep?"

"Well, let's just say that I will enjoy sleeping today in my own bed," I say.

She nods as well in agreement and finally we rise up and start the whole process of getting everything packed in our packs. It is a little bit of a process, to clean up the camp site so that whoever came along would never know that we were there.

The last of the meat we eat it without hesitation. We know that today is the day that we put our greatest effort to get home. I honestly think that if it were to get dark we would still continue to walk to our home.

Putting on the packs on our back I see that she is struggling a little bit to put hers on. I grab her pack and place it over one of my shoulders. She protested of course saying it is too much weight. I tell her that it is okay and that it is only about half a mile or so.

"Fine," she says. "But we are stopping every fifteen minutes to get a rest for you. No protest."

I nod and we start to make the trek to the bearing that Katniss took yesterday. We have been following her father's star and making sure that as we walk in the day time that the bearing is the same as we got in the night time.

I realize early on that Katniss isn't walking as fast as she usually does when on a hunt. It could be the fact that we have been hiking through the mountains for almost a week now and well the amount of food that we had to ration has probably drained us of our energy. Just the same I still ask.

"How are you," I say.

"Little tired," she says. "Didn't get much sleep. Haven't been getting much sleep for a while now."

We make our fifteen minute stop and I can start to feel my body cry out in pain. I make a grimace when I place the pack on the floor.

"Peeta," she says. "I am fine to carry it."

I shake my head no.

"It is okay," I say. "The rest in between helps."

"You haven't been sleeping," she says. "I can tell by the way your eyes look tired."

I smile and try to pass it off as just early morning tiredness. When she presses on why, I finally just give in.

"Well I have been having this feeling ever since we were close to the District, about the arena, and what happened," I say. "Even if everyone thought we were dead, they would have to at least make some confirmation. We have been walking in the open, so that we can be spotted. For an entire week, no one?"

She just shrugs it off.

"Well we will just be careful when we are back to see what the Capitol is saying," she says.

After half the day of walking and stopping, we finally see the outskirts. The forest now looks similar, everything feels calming. We pick up the pace even though we both know that we are exhausted. Looking up to the sky I can see that the sun is beginning to creep over the mountains. It will be dark soon.

"Katniss," I say. She stops and turns around.

I signal a quiet approach. She nods and we begin to walk more quietly. Well we walk as quietly as we can with two heavy packs. We stop every so often to check for movement, and for tracks, checking for human tracks.

We finally see it the door around the fence.

There is no evidence of anyone being here. There are no tracks and there is nothing to show us that our suspicions have been correct. The only thing that is on her mind is getting through the door.

The pad lights up and she places her hand on the pad. The door clicks and then she pushes in. Once inside we see the one place that we had long to be. Ever since we were in the Capitol it was what I dreamt about. It was what we talked about when we were trying to sleep. The little house there all boarded up, exactly as we left it.

The peace is unmistakable; she turns and grabs my hand happily.

"We are home," she says almost laughing. "Peeta, we made it home."

I drop the two packs on the ground and she drops the bow on the ground. We just hold each there in the white snow. Well that is until she tilts me one way that I wasn't expecting. The snow is soft to the touch as we fall into it.

She lets out a laugh and finally it is as if the last month or so has all been a nightmare and we have finally woke up to the place where we spent most if not all of our days happy.

She stands and helps me up. My body is all but spent and I can hardly even move. The adrenaline seems to have dwindled down and all I feel is pain and tiredness. Instead of placing the packs on my back I just drag them through the snow.

We walk and see the wind chimes on the tree branches filled with snow frozen in time. The little house there is still boarded up, and as we finally make it to porch where she opens the door.

"I will get the fire started," I say.

Katniss turns and nods as she continues to through the hallway to the rooms.

I walk over to the fireplace and open the chute. Next to the fireplace is dried cut wood that I had left prior to leaving. I am placing the wood in the fireplace where I heard a scream.

I drop the poker on the ground and run towards the hallway, down to the room at the end of hall. Running to the room where the nursery was going to be remodeled, the room where our child was going to sleep.

"Katniss," I yell out, but get no response.

I am at the end of the hall and through the door where I see her there cupping her mouth with one hand in disbelief. She is looking at something in the center of the room. The color has left her entire body, and is now pale white.

My eyes scan the room and find no one. In the center of the room I see the horror of her disbelief. A small wooden table, with a single long stem white rose.

END OF BOOK FIVE

Who doesn't like a cliff hanger? Thank you to all who have journey with me through the life of Peeta. Writing this has allowed me to experience his life through my eyes, and I hope that I was able to show you that through the writings.

As always thank you.

E.W.S.


End file.
